Hindsight
Everyone always says that hindsight is 20/20. What does that really mean? If I knew then what I know now would I still do those things? I have decided to do a little test. The last few days of stress induced thinking have led me take a little side trip down memory lane. "What if" is always a constant question for me, and lately it has become more prevalent. So I'm going to answer a few of those questions... We'll start slow and move our way up.
1. What if I had known boy from "giddy, excited, flustered" post was a jerk from the beginning would I have still gone out with him? Yes...the part leading to the date and dates were great fun. Catching up with my wonderful friends all over the US and France made it completely worth it. Being a girly girl for a little while and free dinner X2 was also a plus. However next time lets skip the jerk part:)
2. What if I had known the cute heels would break my toe and 3 months later I would be on crutches would I still wear them? Heck NO...no part of this has been fun. All I have learned is that I am painfully independent. Next time no shoe heel over 1 1/2 in:)
3. What if I had known that living in Richmond for a year after returning from France would just leave me deeper in debt would I have taken the job? Yes...Ashley wouldn't be one of my favorite people on the planet. I also needed a safe place to readjust to American life. Oh sweet life on the compound:)
4. What if I had known that the teaching job in Mobile would turn in the nightmare with HR that it did would I still have moved in less then 12 hours? Yes... I would never have meet Kelly #2 or got to live with Shannon again or fell a little bit in love with the area.
5. What if I had know that moving to France would make it almost impossible to find a job teaching when I returned would I have still gone? Heck yes... not only did I meet some of my favorite people in the world but I wouldn't give up living there for anything in the world:)
I guess in my case hindsight would not have made much of a difference. Four out or five times I wouldn't have changed a thing . I guess I need all those lessons that God is constantly throwing my way. However wouldn't it be nice to just have things go smoothly for just a little while! I need a break for now:)
Maybe He knows after all...
You guys all know how I often times get a little frustrated at God's
weird way of doing things. I look at where I am today and shake my head. How did I get here and why and how long will it last? My job still makes me wonder every day:) I am always confused as to why He doesn't just do things the easy way. I know what I want. I've been pretty clear in asking Him for what I want. However I don't always get it and
that's fine. I am glad I didn't marry that boy I was in love with in 3rd grade or college. I am glad I didn't try to make singing a career. I am really glad He didn't send me to China to serve (Paris was more my style!). I can continue that list forever.
Of course the other lists of why
nots is just a long. Why am I in TN? Why do I have this job? Why am I working and living in a scary small town America? I'll stop there:) I don't have the answers to those questions. I don't understand what I am suppose to learn. I don't understand why I can't seem to have what I really want. Other people get what they want. I've seen them be really in love with their job, home, and family. What am I missing?
This morning I had a what if moment.... what if I had got a teaching job when I moved back to America 4 years ago or if I was living in Europe again? Then it hit me...I can think of at least 7 people(I'm sure there are more!) I would have never met. 5 of whom are some of my favorite people. People I want to talk to or hear from as often as possible. Relationships that would sadden me if they didn't exist. They are people I feel blessed to call my friends. You know maybe God does know what He is doing after all:)
Drive thru teller woes
For the last year and half I have been a bank teller and 90% of that time was spent in the drive thru. I have decided to let you guys know what I will not miss about being a drive thru teller just for kicks. This blog is in honor of my favorite tellers at my old branch.
1. BUTTON Pushers... Certain customers in the drive thru have the overwhelming need to push the call button at least 4 times while waiting. FYI that just makes us go slower and want to punch you in the face. So I will not miss you.
2. Not Readiers...(yeah not a word) it amazes me how many people come to the bank and have not idea what they are doing. They pull up and ask for a deposit slip AND a pen AND take 20 minutes to fill out the deposit slip
incorrectly. If not ready GO AWAY!!! These people also tend to be button pushers!
3. Cell phone talkers...if who you are talking is more important than your money or you can't multi-task, you shouldn't try to talk on the phone and hang out in the drive thru. FYI you, I also want to punch a little bit. If you can talk on your phone and ignore me why can't I ignore you. Oh yeah b/c you pushed the button and now I hate you and your stupid phone!!
4. Non-Bathers... we as tellers can always tell when you haven't bathed and that you smoke. I can't even smell it through the bullet proof glass!!! You don't smell good, and your money really doesn't smell good. Of course I just give your stinky money to the button pushers and cell phone talkers. So at least I don't have to smell it for that long. Thanks for helping me get back at the other hated people on our list.
5. Bad drivers... Almost every place anymore has a drive thru option how is it that you can't seem to pull into the bank without hitting the curb or the side of the building. The lanes truly are big enough for you to fit in and not everyone hits the curb everytime like you do! If you have to stick your head out the window to judge your distant from the tube poll or you get so far away you have to get out of your car to reach the drawer you probably shouldn't be using the drive thru. Please for the safety of everyone in a five mile radius park your car far from everyone else and and walk to the bank.
Ones I left off but are equally as annoying are the wrong bank depositers (oops that was suppose to go across the street), closed lane violators(yes the sign really does say closed), the "let me give you the envelope back to save trees" visionary, and the "they always do it for me" know it alls. (thanks for the addition amber!!!)
These customers I will not miss. And yes all of these things really do happen every single day in the drive thru!!!
change...
For a girl who doesn't really like change I sure do change things a lot. I move and shift and get bored and move and shift and change and move and change and...we'll you get it. When I was younger (read high school and even some of college) I would never have pegged me as the wanderer. I was always the stable person
amongst all my friends. I was the one you went to for questions or gave responsible tasks to. However half way through college that changed. I became the girl that did too many things and never stayed still.
I have been back in TN for almost 2 years and am shocked that I have stayed still. It isn't from lack of trying, but God doesn't want me to go anywhere yet. If I make it to September I will have been in the same house and in the same job longer than I have since graduating from high school.
Things are still changing in my life and it makes me a little sad. Yesterday was my last day at my branch. I had been there for a year and a half. I love the people I worked with and miss them tons already. Going to a new branch today was a
challenge, and I don't know how it will work out. I was kind of enjoying the stability of my life. I liked that my job was comfortable...but I hated that also. I am ready for the challenge and something new. I just wish that didn't mean you had to leave something behind that you really love. Growing up is really hard. Why don't people tell you that when you are younger? Of course I am sure they did and I didn't listen:)
Seriously
I never do these but since Ann Marie tagged me I will...I only broke the rule when I had not choice!!!
Rules: You must answer the questions using only one word. Then tag four others.
1. Where is your cell phone? Living Room
2. Your significant other? Jesus
3. Your hair? Blonde
4. Your mother? Fun
5. Your father? Annoying
6. Your favorite thing? Friends
7. Your dream last night? Sweet
8. Your favorite drink? Coffee
9. Your dream/goal? Happiness
10. The room you’re in? Den
11. Your hobby? Writing
12. Your fear? Lonliness
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Somewhere
14. What you’re not? Comfortable
15. Muffins? Yep
16. One of your wish list items? Future
17. Where you grew up? Tennessee
18. The last thing you did? Read
19. What are you wearing? Clothes
20. Favorite gadget? Cell phone
21. Your pets? Annoying
22. Your computer? Alive
23. Your mood? Bored
24. Missing someone? Yes
25. Your car? Clean
26. Something you’re not wearing? Shoes
27. Favorite store? Barnes & Nobles
28. Like someone? Yes
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Wednesday
four people... Ashley, Tiffany, Mentanna, Daniel (my favorite adopted "big brother"!!!)
The Flip side...
10 things I don't like about being a girl (read 10 reason firsts)
1. clothes... It is amazing how we can spend all day trying on clothes and find NOTHING we like or anything that fits. We always have to find new things that fit the change in our bodies and in the styles.
2. Bad haircut... One bad haircut sticks with you for a while and scars us for life. I am still a little embarrassed by my childhood side ponytail (it was the 80's)!!
3. Talking... We can go over and over and over and over the same subject again and again. Jeez do we like to talk and analyze everything.
4. Girl Friends... Girls are full of drama. I am blessed and love all my friends. However I have seen those catty situations and they are not pretty.
5. Shoes... I have a broken foot all because I just had to wear the really cute 2 1/2 inch heels. Why can't they all be comfortable shoes?
6. Not Cute Days... It can't be explained but some days we just feel yucky...bad hair, bad clothes or an unexplained fat day.
7. Crying... I wish I could control where I cry, why I cry, and whom I cry in front of.
8. Grumpy days... We don't like it when we are crabby and sometimes we just can't help it.
9. Chocolate... This leads us to have a bigger behind, more fat feeling days and a never ending conversation about how we need to lose weight.
10. Boys... are confusing and drive us crazy.
Whether we are dating them or are married to them they always stress us out:) ( or so my married friends say!!!)
10 REASONS
10 reasons i love being a girl:(those are in no particular order)
1. clothes and clothes and more clothes...we can truly never have too many. if we don't like what we have we can go out and get a new outfit. the older i become the more i actually enjoy getting new outfits. we get to change styles with the seasons. boys styles rarely change..
2. one haircut makes you feel great... i just got my haircut and the next day i felt like a new woman. i added a little more bangs and made my layers more fun. i feel just plain cute.
3. talking...girls get to talk and talk alot. it is expected. we are suppose to sit around with our friends and co workers and talk until we are blue in the face. we have been know to talk ourselves hoarse (oh the sleepovers and late night talks)
4. girl friends.... i love that anytime i need to talk i have a list of friends i can call. we are always there for each other. i can call to vent, cry, explain or laugh. girls get each other and we like to share live with each other.
5. shoes... it is amazing how we buy one new pair of shoes and we can't wait to tell everyone. we can't wait to wear them and paint our toenails so our feet look their best. whether they are cute flip-flops that show off the toe ring or hooker boots that make us feel super sexy. all it takes its shoes.
6. cute days... i love those days were i feel cute. i have on the perfect outfit that makes me look great. my jewelry and hair are doing everything they are suppose to do. we walk taller and feel better.
7. crying...as girls we are allowed to cry. we are expected to get teary eyed over commercials and movies. it is okay if we cry. in fact if we don't cry people think we are wierd. when we are having a bad day we can cry if we want to!
8. grumpy rights... there are certain times of the month or just b/c we wanna that we can be grumpy. we have an excuse for being a bad mood. guys know that and leave us alone when we are. in fact we can fake a bad mood and they don't even know the difference.
9. chocolate fixes it all... we are having a long hard day and we can eat chocolate. i don't know what it is that makes us all feel better but it works like a charm. it is an almost instant fix at least for a little while.
10. boys...we just plain like them. they drive us crazy and they get on our nerves. but we all really want one to have and hold til death do us part. and then we get to mess with their heads. they don't understand us and we don't make it any easier for them!!!
fyi...God fixed the no sleeping problem. Doctor put me in a regular cast. Crutches make you really exhausted:0 A month should help me catch up on the sleep!!!!
stress does strange things...
Stress is truly a wierd phenomenon. Last year about this time was when I truly began to recognize its ability to affect ones body. For me it was a never ending stomach ache. This year however it has affected me in an entirely different way. Eating and sleeping have officially become a thing of the past. I don't really remember the last time I ate a good meal that didn't make my stomach hurt or just really craving a food. Sleeping a whole night has happened I think once in the last month (last Wednesday to be exact...it was amazing!!!). Work, Family and personal drama has made it impossible to shut off my mind. However over the last 3 days I have begun to realize the affect it is having on me completely. In case you were curious...I am losing my mind.
I am a natural blonde and have been for my entire life. However I like to think that I am not a typical blonde. Yes I have my moments where I turn into the blonde that all the jokes were made about. However those occasions are rare. This week not so much true.
On Monday at my lunch time, I was desperately searching for my keys and was unable to find them. Everyone assumed I had left them in my car. But I can't lock them in my car. I have to have the key to lock the door. I remember locking the door. I however decided I would go out to the car and see if I dropped them on the ground or maybe I had left them in my car. I walked out the front door of the bank which sits facing the busiest road in the Boro and saw my keys...hanging on the outside of my door. I have been driving for almost 15 years and that is a first...
On Tuesday I was even more exhausted. I was unable to sleep the night before. After only about 3 hours of sleep I decided it was a curly hair and glasses day. I wanted those extra 15 minutes in my bed. I got up and got dressed and off to work I went. However my glasses bugged me all day. I put them on and couldn't seem to get them clean. They were really smudged. I cleaned them about 4 times. Then at about 10 I gave up and took them off. I have been extra computer training to get ready for my new job. I was amazed at how my eyes didn't bother me for the rest of the day. At about four my eyes started to burn and I put the dirty glasses back on. About 20 minutes later my eyes started to water and burn again. I immediately took them off and rubbed my eyes. Then it hit me... I think I am wearing my contacts. I actually had to take out a mirror and look to see if I was wearing my contacts. Just think it only took me 8 hours and 4 glass wipes to realize my error. The sad part is I can't remember putting my contacts in... at all.
I won't share my one for today b/c this is already too long. who knows what tomorrow holds?
Lord, I NEED SLEEP!!!! But the laughter was great fun.
gets me ever year...
if you are lucky enough to talk to me or be around me during the month of June chances are you are going to hear me complain about the 4th of July musical my church does. I could give you my list of complaints but i won't. it would defeat the purpose of the blog...ask me though and i will tell you:)
this year was one of the better musical we have done. however the straw hats almost made me boycott completely. yes ladies and gents (i don't think i have guys who read this) i wore a straw hat and sang a song called pick a bale of cotton. but i digress...
every year we sing a salute to the patriots. we sing each song from each branch of the military. those who are currently serving or have served are asked to stand when we sing their song. it doesn't matter how many times we sing that song every year i tear up a little bit. my sarcasm is forgotten and i am proud to be american. (i hate that lee greenwood has forever ruined that phrase for me!!!)
this year i had seemed to escape the knot in my throat and then it happened. we started to sing the air force song...there was a couple the front row. the husband and wife were each in their own seperate wheel chairs. the minute the opening notes of the song began the man threw his arms up in the air and waved them like an eager 5 year old at a baseball game. his son came up behind him and helped him out of his chair. the old veteran stood proudier than any man i had ever seen. he could see the joy on his face that he was able to stand while his song played. he stood straight and tall with more proud then you could ever imagine. i had to stop singing...tears all but rolled down my face.
i am so grateful that i live in a country where those who served in the military are still proud to have served. without the hard work and dedication of those men and women who knows were we would be. i am grateful to live in America and have the freedoms i have. cheesey but true... just something to think about on the 4th of july.
giddy, nervous, and flustered part 2
i forgot how terrible i am at dating. all my insecurities rear their ugly head. i evaluate every thing i say and every action i do. i spend too much time in front of the mirror finding my flaws and exaggerating them. i get nervous and yes i am pretty sure i giggle some. please don't let that destroy my image in your eyes!! i don't if i have scared him off yet:)
however that feeling of butterflies and raised heart rate is always a trill. i wanted to call all my friends and tell them everything about what was said and what i thought. what i liked about the boy and what maybe i didn't. every text from the boy lead to a serious debate with which ever girlfriend happened to be close by...this led me think about something.
when was the last time i got giddy about something God was doing in my life? when was the last time i got excited to go and sit in the presence of the Lord? when was the last time i wonder about what i said in the God's eyes? when was the last time i evaluated my actions in the eyes of the Lord? Do i ever get butterflies in my stomach when i get to talk to God? Do i eagerly call my friends and tell them what God said to me or what he is teaching me? Do i sit down and debate with myself and with my friends about what God is saying to me?
there are moments when that has happened in my life. i remember them vividly. but they don't happen that often anymore. as a single person i should find all my worth in God and my relationship with him. but do i work on that relationship? i miss the excitement i get from hanging out with God. however it's nones fault but my own. i always seem to find time to focus on something else, or i will spend just enough time to check Him off my list. He is my best friend (cheesy i know) but true. But i treat Him like a casual acquaintance that requires Sunday only time.
Jeremiah 29:11-13 has been going through my mind non-stop for the last 2 or 3 weeks. Things are changing for me again but not in a direction i thought they would go. on Saturday i spent some time in God's presence, and he reminded me again of the verses. He has a hope and future for me. it is good. however i have to seek him and call out his name. i think i may find some time soon to go on a long date with Christ. the best part is no nerves He already knows everything there is to know about me. and He loves me. Now that is a reason get giddy and excited all over again :)
