accountability...yuck or not
I used to hate the idea of accountablitity. When i was in college the idea was tossed around as often as pizza at a youth rally (sorry horrible analogy). It had become the "in" term. Everyone was discussing the idea of telling someone all their horrible and not so horrible sins in hopes of being a better Christian and healed of all sins. It seemed everyone had 8 different accountability partners for different aspects of their lives (Jesus time, personal time, health, school, relationships, shopping, bathing...you know everything!!) I tend to rebel whenever everyone else jumps on a band wagon. I prefer to stick my feet in the mud and stay there til the popularity wave passes. Hence the reason I will probably never read the 5 love languages book.
However over the last few years I have been forced to reevalute my perception of accountability. A certain group of ladies have helped me to see what it is and why it really does matter. Over the last 6 weeks it has come to mean more to me then ever. There is a problem with accountability. You have to actually take it seriously. I am telling them the truth and I hope they are doing the same for me. But I also have to ask them and point out those things that I see them do that breaks my heart. It isn't fun. But now that I know what true accountability is I want it to work. It is hard but worth it. It is building a level of trust that I can't explain and I would not give it up for anything. But it can also make it even harder to build trust...especially when you don't want to actually be honest and share it all...it can't be forced...either it is there or it isn't.
oh yikes my family
family...i wish i could pick mine. don't get my wrong i do love the eclectic group of people that make up the tree/bush/orchard of my family. my mom claims i am a snob and she may actually be correct. but don't tell her i said that. my family tree reads more of who's who among america's most wanted than the social elite of the south. i have had more members in jail than i have graduate from high school. the family just keeps growing but don't worry we cut people from the tree as much as we add them. while talking with a friend the other night, he asked me to tell him my greatest fears. of course i skirted the issue and attempted to avoid the question. I used the old stand by of fear of failure and not succeeding. since then i have spent time trying to truly nail down some of my fears.
I have decided that one is that people will meet/know about my family and run away scared especially boys. we are a messed group of people. those who know me well are aware of my list of jokes about my family. part of that is sarcasm and part of it is to hide the embarrassment i often feel. i don't really like that about myself. i want them to be proud of me and love me for well me...i hate that i don't feel the same way about them. i fit into my family so maybe i am just as unique as they are. maybe i can figure out how to love them for who they are because well they are family. they have accepted me so i want/need to do the same for them.
conflict...the 8 letter 4 letter word
what is it about the word conflict that cause to people to run screaming in the other direction? almost from childhood we are taught to place nice and share and don't fight with your sibling or friend. Is that always a good philosophy? I am not saying we should fight from age 2 til death. But does place nice really help us as an adult when we disagree with someone or something? or a legitimate disagreement arises and we are afraid that someone will stop being our friend. we are taught to ignore and hold back those feelings of displeasure. heaven forbid we disagree with someone else's opinions or actions. Doesn't avoiding conflict makes us also want to avoid the person? those are the people that we talk about or tell others not to like. Is that why we often rush to tell a third party so they will agree with us should something else happen? we can't tell the other person how we feel or they may not like us anymore (yes i know that is my fear.). unfortunately that also means we stop trusting that person. next time we have something to share or want to rejoice we pause because we remember the conflict and how is was never resolved. you are still bitter so of course they are.
however that is a slippery slope...chances are they don't even know that you are having a problem with them. What are the steps to truly resolving a conflict in a Christ-like manner. How did he handle conflict? Judas he told to stop complaining. Jesus even told him that he knew Judas was set to betray him. When he entered the temple and tosses all the tables over was that a conflict? Is that how we are suppose to act when someone breaks our "toys" or hurts our feelings. When his disciples complained about him talking with the Samaritan woman, he sat them down, told them why he did it, and said stop complaining. He hugged the little children more and told the disciples to once again stop complaining. How did Jesus confront conflict? are we suppose to just play nice or do we resolve the problem as fast as possible?
Once again I always seem to have more questions then answers.
