heart's desire
Is it possible that my greatest desires are also the biggest hindrances in my relationship with Jesus Christ? Do I hold on to them so tightly that I won't let God have His way with them? Have I made them stipulations in our relationship? Since He hasn't done anything about them does my time with Him suffer because I don't like His timetable or understand what He is telling me? These are just a few of the questions floating around in my head over the last week. I find that I am treading water in everything I do. My life seems to be caught in a circle of going to work, gym and then home. I may spend a few hours a week hanging out with friends but carrying on the same conversations. I want to get out of the circle, but everything I want to do seems impossible. I think I now what I want more than anything in the world, but am I holding on to it to tightly. How do I let it go to prove that I trust God? What do I focus on if I let it go? How do I stop feeling overwhelmed and discouraged?
I don't mean for this to sound sad...am just thinking outloud.
things you learn
It is amazing how you can continue to learn things about yourself. I would like to pride myself on being a confident woman who knows herself and knows what she can do and not do. However last night i was proven wrong. For the first time in my 28 years, I was the DD for two of my dear friends. While proping up the wall a famous Nashville Honky Tonk and holding the coats (it was 14 degress last night) I watched 2 friends make complete drunken idoits of themselves. They danced and screamed and drank. I learned that it is not my idea of a good time and never will be. I just remember wondering if the men they were dancing with would have believed they were christians. I don't have patience with drunk people and I don't think getting drunk is ever okay.
These are things I am sure other people know, but I just truly realized them last night. However most importantly I wanted to embrace my conservative/boring desire to never be in that place. I don't want to throw up when I get home. I don't want to spend the entire next day having someone else tell me what I said and did. I don't want to spend the next day sick at my stomach and in the bed. Mostly I find myself grateful that God has protected me from a desire to ever want to be there. Don't worry I still love my friends, but next time they will just have to have more than enough money for a cab. I would rather go to a movie.
