giddy, excited, flustered...
i know it has been forever. i am sure no one read this anymore. sorry dial up at home makes this killer.i had forgotten what it was like to be a true girly girly. for the last week i have been texting/talking with a blind date set up. i have been giddy, nervous, excited and scared. All places i don't do well in. but there is just something fun and sweet about those emotions.
in high school and even college i was always in the friend zone...i was the person everyone asked about relationships. i only had a few minor relationships of my own. this was a self-appointed exile...i was always too mature and too good for those silly childish games. i had crushes and boyfriends but was never really ridiculous (except for G.P.- the love of my junior high life and still the most embarrassing moment of my life!!!). i don't know why i shied way. (probably that overwhelming fear of rejection thing.) i just never wanted to take the time to answer that question. this week has made me realize what i have been missing. i don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
i was not in control and am still tottering on the edge of girl sanity. i have spent time talking to all my girlfriends (those i could anyway....) and analyzing the situation... reading into ever text message and ever conversation. my self confidence is gone. i have been unable to sleep because i can't stop thinking. it is frustrating and the total opposite of always in control deanna.
but it has been really fun... i love that all my friends wanted to know what i was wearing for the date and where we were going. they all sent messages thru out the date and called me afterwards or today to find out how it went. we have been analyzing everything.... this is what i missed out on. i know in the grand scheme of things it is all trivial but sometimes it is nice to not be so serious all the time...
we'll see how it goes. thank you to my girls for putting up with me... you guys have made it fun.
posted by deanna @ 8:26 AM
2 Comments
