Birthday Weekend Part 1
You guys all know that my birthday has been a day that I have been dreading...well for months now! 3-0...how did it get here so fast? I am still young. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up! I am living in a place I never I thought I would live long term AND I have been here for almost 3 years. My luggage is bitter that it is been in the closet for so long but I digress.
To me 30 has always seemed old and well adult-like. You can no long pretend to be a miss guided 20 year old not that I ever really was but I wanted it to be an option. At 30 though you can no long hide from the truth...I even got a new driver license picture. No more 21 year old Deanna. She and I have parted ways...okay I realize the melodrama in that statement. However I need you feel the pain I have been feeling of the last few months as my birthday approached.... My friends were handling me with kid gloves and pandering to me ego. Well those under 30 were anyway...'you don't look 30.' '30 isn't old!' 'you are still so young.' My over 30 friends just rolled their eyes and said 'suck it up. you will be fine' 'it is just another birthday.' 'now you know how i felt' (Kelly I apologized for my lack of sympathy!)
Well it finally arrived and it will be one I will be unable to forget as the short term memory starts to fade:) It started with a calm dinner on Thursday night with BFF Kelly. I had plans for the rest of the weekend...She took me to a grown up dinner. We sat and talked about everything some grown up and some not so grown issues...3 hours later I headed home thinking it was a great way to start my 4 day birthday celebration process! (does that make me sound like a diva...who celebrates their bday for 4 days:)
Friday morning, work folks sang the birthday song, gave me a Starbucks card and helped me eat cake...all day. (the boys seriously ate most of it!)
Friday night the partying began...I was meeting Ruth, Amber and Jennifer. Us bank gals were going to eat out and have a little fun...We all get in the car. I ask questions and get ignored. Amber hands me the scarf and reminds me that I know the drill. They always blind fold me when they are surprising me...We spend the next five minutes driving around in circles! Car sickness begins to set in...We park and they walk me across the parking lot...I would love the see the faces of people when they see me looking like this
After they take more embarrassing pictures that I am sure could rival the photo scavenger hunts of old! They then tell me that they chose this place because they know I love it. Even though they don't like this type of food they wanted to take me somewhere that I would like. They pulled off the blind fold and showed me (drum roll please!) the sketchy looking hole in the wall Chinese restaurant!! okay I love Chinese food and am not too scared of hole in the wall places...but seriously, this is my congrats you are 30 birthday dinner! I am feeling gypped...I try to convince them I would never ask them to eat a food they didn't like...after a few minutes of being shocked and trying to play it off, they confess they are just kidding! cruelty at its finest...
So on we continue...Get back in the car, drive towards downtown Nashville, blindfold me AGAIN (not as eager this time around!), park and walk and pull off the blindfold and see (key romantic music please) the Cheesecake Factory or more well known as a slice of heaven on earth...I had good food, AWESOME cheesecake, fabulous coffee, presents (pretty scarf, Starbucks card - do my friends now me or what- and gift cert for a massage) Friday night was pure decadence...and I am grateful.
Saturday will be the beginning for family celebration but all has been great so far...
which way do i sway?
Am I a city-
fied country girl or a country-
fied city girl? This weekend that thought has been rambling through my head. Friday night while at dinner with some friends one of the guys pointed out that all the girls at the table were all country girls. I don't know if I have ever labeled myself as a country girl, but I think I may be!!!
The question-"where would you prefer to live-the city or the country?" gets asked in every single getting to know you list out there. My answer almost always changes based on my mood or the day of the week. When I lived in Paris, I loved every single minute of the being the city. I loved the massive amounts of people, the energy, the things to do, the public transportation, etc. I really could list tons of things about the city that I love and miss dearly. However when I lived in Paris, I would also have days where I craved the quiet of being in the country. I wanted to see miles and miles of green and hear wild animals. I missed seeing the stars. Even the moon and the sun looked better in the country.
Now that I live in the country again I often smile
nostalgically at everything
around me. It is spring and I can leave my window open at night. It doesn't bother me when the gaggle of turkeys wakes me up. I hear the cows, the coyotes and strange animals in the grass every night and morning. I love it! I like the smell of fresh cut grass. I love the distinct sound of the 100's of bugs that sing every night! However every few months, I need to go to a city. Preferably a big one with lots of traffic and people. I may not get to do anything but shop; however I need to be around all those people.
I have done the math...technically I have lived in the country and the city the same amount of time...15 years each way. Those years were split - 10 years in the city, 10 years in the country, 5 years in the city, 5 years in the country! I truly don't know which one I love the most or would miss the most if I never got to see again. I think I will just be both - city/country girl...
Possible or catch 22
He never sinned and He never lied 1 Peter 2:22
Be holy because I am holy 1 Peter 1:16
Make every effort to be found spotless, blameless, and at peace with Him 2 Peter 3:14b
Therefore you are to be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48
For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Phil 1:6
Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Phil 3:12
For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, THAT HE WILL INSTRUCT HIM? But we have the mind of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:16
Is this an impossible task? Would God give us an impossible task? perfect, holy, righteous or whatever you want to call it is a goal God desires us to attain...Does He expect us to fail? We expect us to fail...and that is our excuse for sometimes not even trying....
God uses the strangest things...
Lately I feel that I have been digging deeper in God's word than I have in quite sometime. However most of my digging has been for the purpose of teaching. I am spending all my time in
Nehemiah (
Sunday school) and 1 Peter (weekly bible study). Teaching both of these classes are a blessing in my life, and I enjoy every minute even when Go is using it to stomp on my toes (which he really seems to thrive upon lately). However last night as I was working on my 1 Peter study and realized that I don't really remember the last time I just read God's word. I tend to let my time with God rotate around what I am gonna be teaching during the week. Which may not be the best method....
I have a few struggles that I deal with daily...as we all do. One in particular makes me just have long and annoying days. I have tried several things to make it all better- prayed about it, for that person, for God to point out my sin in the situation, asked for what He is teaching, etc. So last night I decided that maybe if I started my day just reading a few verses of scripture and praying before I start to get ready for work it may help.
First know that I hate getting up before I have to start getting ready! I have never enjoyed doing a quiet time in the morning. You people who get up at 5 are either amazing or just plain crazy! I want those extra 5 or 10 minutes everyday. I hit snooze at least 4 times in the morning...more if I decide to wear curly hair and glasses:) yes I really do have these conversations in my head at 6:30 in the morning! So last night I made a decision I would try to get up around 6 or 6:15 and just read some scripture and pray. Here is the kicker...I wasn't going to change my alarm. It doesn't go off until 6:30 the first time (remember the snooze button:). If God wants me to have those few extra minutes He will just have to wake me up! He is the
Almighty God so I figure He can do that!
So this morning at about 5:15 I heard noises from downstairs (my mom getting ready). I looked at the clock and went awww heck no! Then at around 6
ish my phone beeped telling me I had an email. Of course I ignored it. Then at about 6:10 I had to get up and go to the restroom (I hate that!!!! getting older is holding little promise!) I look at the clock and go O Lord not today maybe tomorrow morning...I have been sick I need the extra sleep time! A few minutes later I hear the dreaded drip...our house is old and sometimes the toilet will run. After about 2 minutes of praying that God would make it stop...I finally said "Lord you are so mean!" got up, turned on the light, fixed the toilet, got back under the covers and opened my bible! I kind of went 'okay I am up You pick'.... and He did!
I am not saying it was the most amazing quiet time ever or that it has revolutionized my day yet. But those 20-25 minutes this morning reading the word, praying and listening to the outside noise gave me a lovely start to my day. I love that God can use a dripping toilet to remind me to get up and talk to him BEFORE I start my day. We will see if I am that stubborn tomorrow morning:)
oh oh oh oh:)
I love those things that make me feel like a kid again...I have another birthday and this one I am not so excited about but alas I can't do anything about that. But this morning on my way to work something happened...I felt like I was about 10 again. There are certain things that when I close my eyes I am right back to being young and carefree.
This morning it was a song on the radio...I am sure most of you know that New Kids on the Block is back on tour (hear the sarcasm). Women around my age are all desperately seeking ways to get tickets. We have turned back into those wild and crazy pre-teens who are crazy in love with the pop stars of our time. I find myself secretly wishing I could get tickets to go to a concert. I never got to go when I was a kid. My best friend during that time in my life went to like 3 or 4 concerts. I was always jealous of her! This morning "right stuff" started to play on a popular pop station here. I found myself singing at the top of my lungs and shaking my shoulders to the beat of the music (my feet were kind of occupied:) I haven't listened to their music since they crashed and burned right of the music charts in the early nineties. But this morning I was jamming. I enjoyed that flashback from the past...I didn't feel so old anymore!
makes me want to go the playground too....swinging always makes me feel like a kid too
Motivation Because or Period
If you have spoken to me at any point over the last several months or maybe even in the last year, you have unfortunately had to listen to me complain about being in limbo land (sorry if I have been whining too much!). I will spend a half the time talking about how great it has been to continue to get to know God as a single adult who has plenty of time to enjoy God. Then I question why He isn't doing anything to make my life more like I want it to be.
Over the last week or so I have been dealing with the issue of what is my motivation for spending time with God? Beloved friend pointed it out to me...seen the concept in personal scripture reading...even the
tv preacher I watched
sunday morning asked me the same question (snow day...skipped church:) Why do I desire to know Him more? Do I want to know Him so he will give me the perfect job or money to pay off my bills or a permanent plane ticket to France or a spouse to grow old with or...well you get the picture. Or do I just want to KNOW HIM period? with no 'so' or 'because' or 'I want' list following that statement.
When overseas a group of unnamed friends and I would mock just a little (okay a lot) the prayer of
jabez...We as a Christian group latched on to that formula prayer with our whole hearts and book buying wallets. But didn't we try that method because we read that if we prayed that way our lives would overflow with blessings? I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying the blessing God gives you. I am grateful for them but is that why i want to be a Christian? doesn't that sound a little childish? I claim to want a 'meat and taters' relationship with God but secretly I want to behave so I get what I put on my 'Santa Jesus' wish list.
For the last few months I have struggled with being single. I am tired of being single. I want to meet someone, get married and start having those 2 or 3 or maybe just 1 kids. Don't get me wrong I am grateful that I have been able to enjoy God as a single person, but I think I have learned enough and am ready to get to know God with my
husband! How arrogant is that statement? Was that the reason I tried to know God was because I thought that would speed up my time table of things to do before I die?
I think I should want to Know God because I want to Know God. In fact I want to Crave to Know God. dang it I guess I guess I haven't learned everything...
