100% Washable
"Come overwhelmed. Come with a wandering mind. Come messy." A Praying Life
I am not a fan of dirt. Cleanliness is next to godliness in my book! As a child I never cared for playing in the dirt. You weren't likely to catch me playing in the mud unless my sister had thrown me in it:) If or when I got dirty I wanted a bath ASAP. I am still not to big on being covered in dirt or mud. Of course I spend all day with 3 & 4 year olds. Holy cow do they get messy. I admit I like to help them sometimes. We are huge fans of fingerpaints and playing in our food. Ever so often one of them will stress out about mud or paint. I always remind them that everything is totally washable.
I don't do messy very well in other areas of my life. I have become a pro at hiding my emotions, thoughts, ideas, fears and imperfections. I don't like to show signs of weakness because it means I am not perfect. I don't like to cry, lose my temper or express strong emotions in front of others. It takes years of extreme hard core friendship before I open up. I don't like the messy. I fear that people won't like my dirt and will want to walk away. The sad part is that I even try to do the same thing with God...For some reason I have a hard time trusting Him with my messes. My head knows He is big enough to handle it but my heart often times doesn't seem to connect. I am 100% washable and loveable....I just have to trust God to do the washing for me. My method hasn't been working so far.
resting in this moment...
(I actually wrote this blog after labor day weekend but have just now taken the time to post it! been sick and an over all slacker! will try to get better:)
How many times can you start over or begin again? A new season comes and an old one passes away…does it ever stop? Do I ever adjust to it? What happens when these new season doesn’t have a ending point that I can see?
I always make plans knowing when it will start and when it will end. My end usually consists of two or three options…what I will do if I have to start over is always in the back of my mind. I took a vacation this week where I just relaxed and caught up with some old friends. It was a true escape from reality…a break where I could sit back and just talk with some of my favorite people. It was a lovely combination of seriousness, laughter, and nostalgia.
On Sunday reality started to reassert its self. Two totally different people asked me what was next for me…How long would I teach pre-K? Do I want to stay in TN forever? Where to next? It hit me when the first person asked. I haven’t thought about it, honestly! For the first time in my life I find myself focusing on next week and next week only. I am not focusing on the future that extends beyond the next break from school. I haven’t planned any trips. I am not stressing about the who, what, when and where of my life. I am resting in this moment…it is a new sensation. I am sure it won’t last. However for now I am letting go, and I guess, letting God do the stressing for me… I like it. I guess my vacation will last a little longer.
my days...
I laugh...
I sing...
I dance (the macarena never gets old apparently!)...
I watch...
I clean noses...
I tie shoes...
I read stories...
I hug...
I wipe tears...
I write notes...
I sweep floors...
and I am loving every minute of it...
This summer I prayed I could find a job teaching...who knew He meant for me to teach pre-k. My day is chaos wrapped in the arms of 20- 3,4, & 5 year old preschoolers who make it so easy for me to get out of bed in the morning. I love the Lord's priceless sense of humor!
singing for Jesus
I don’t remember a single bible story or craft from any VBS or church class as a child. I remember some from middle school and high school. But the only thing I remember from my church childhood are the songs. It was my favorite part of VBS. By the age of nine I was singing my first solo with the choir. It was What a Friend We have in Jesus. I carried the second verse. My VBS memories consist of saying the pledges and singing the anthem songs. Today I hear those songs and I still smile.
I lead music at VBS last week for the first time in about 8 years. We sang and danced (moved-no dancing a Baptist church) until our voices were hoarse and our arms were dragging. Children between the ages of 2 to10 sang/shouted 'This little light of mine' with more gusto than I ever thought possible. They jumped up and down singing 'Get down and lifts me up' until those of us over 10 were ready to fall in the floor with exhaustion.
But for me the most precious moment was the day that I taught them the motions to the song Amazing love. I would say the words while doing the motion and they would repeat. Listening to a four year old say ‘I’m forgiven because you were forsaken’ was enough to bring tears to my cynical eyes. Most children would sing at the top of their voices. I don’t know if they understood the words or the meaning behind them but they were belting out the words with their hearts wide open. Hopefully 10 or 20 years from now they will hear those songs and smile a little and think that is were it started.
In the spirit of nostalgia I want to share with you on of my all time favorite childhood songs:
I am a promise. I am a possibility.
I am a promise with a capital P.
I am a great big bundle of potentiality
And I am learning to hear God’s voice
And I am trying to make the right choice.
I am a promise to be anything God wants me to be.
I still remember the tune and singing it as loud as possible. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt for us to sing like we were little children…at the top of our lungs with little concern for who is watching and what they are thinking.
Rose Colored Glasses
A dream job for me would be taking pictures. I have had a long held secret desire to take a few photography classes and learn how to do different things. My skills are limited to attempting to be creative with angles and lighting. I have gone through phases where I love to take pictures that are framed by something. For a brief period of time I wanted to take pictures in a reflection, on water, in mirrors or on surfaces. I am not person who takes pictures of people though. My gifting in capturing the perfect people shot is non existent. However put me outside and I am a goner. I want to take pictures of buildings, trees, mountains, clouds and last week…rocks. In fact the number of digital pictures from our nine day jaunt across the southwest was about 800 give or take a few…rocks, boulders, river beds, and natural monuments were the mainstay. 200 at the grand canyon alone. I love to try different angles and view points and my one secret trick…
When walking through canyons you don’t have anything with you except water, a camera or two and what you are wearing. For me sunglasses were a necessity, and they became my filter. Please note I pick sunglasses based upon style and the color it makes the world turn too. I have always leaned in the direction of rose colored/tinted sunglasses mostly for occasions like this. My sunglasses change the color of everything outside. The sun is less glaring and rocks were more vibrant. So about 100 of my pictures that I took in New Mexico, Arizona, & Utah were through the lenses of my sunglasses.
Spider Rock, Canyon de Chelly, Arizona (normal)
Spider Rock with sunglasses
Grand Canyon with glasses
Bryce Canyon, Utah (with sunglasses)
Bryce Canyon (normal)
I walked around wearing my rose colored glasses and was grateful. In fact I preferred it. Maybe it isn’t a bad thing to keep those glasses on hypothetically. I would normally say I was an optimistic person and most of you would agree. However over the last year I have struggled to keep that positive/rose colored perspective and the last six to eight filled me with cynicism. I want to believe the best in all people and all situations. I want to re-find the good and stop focusing on the bad. I want to regain my confidence and most especially my believe in God’s promises. Lately the reality of life has been over whelming because I am not letting God do everything. I am more willing to let Him when I have on my rose colored glasses…
Maybe this is a terrible analogy... but doesn't faith and hope sometimes mean seeing reality yet knowing there is something more and something better then what we can see with the naked eye?
There is no place like home...I wanted my ruby slippers!
8 different hotels in 5 states and some hard earned lessons! (in no particular order:)
1) Air Conditioning...I was shocked to discover that some hotels don't have it...at all. A big fan does not do the same task when it is 90 degrees outside. I don't care if we are in the mountains! In a cramped room with two queen beds...air is a must!
2) You should always get to pick your pillows. No two people have the same pillow needs...Give us an option when we check in. We sleep much better.
3) The quality of a hotel can actually be judged based upon the carpet. When I feel the need to wear my shoes to walk around the room you need to clean the room more often!
4)When you advertise free wi-fi could you please make sure it is your wi-fi and not a 'borrowed' one from the waffle house down the street?
5) If I am staying in a hotel, coffee is a must. When the coffee pot in your room doesn't work it is the equivalent of torture. To wake up and want coffee but be unable to make it makes a true coffee addict want to jump of the balcony, but first I have to put my shoes on to walk outside!
6) You should probably have more than one wall outlet per room. We live in a world of cell phones, computers and digital cameras. We would like to be able to have light and have somewhere to charge our phones! If you are suffocating me with no air I want to be able to call 911!
7) Free Breakfast really should be more than a pastry in a wrapper left in the room next to the broken coffee pot!
8) You really should sweep your parking lot ever so often to watch for drug deal action. Watching someone smoke crack in a parking lot of a hotel doesn't really make customers want to hang out. However it makes for a great story.
9) Broken toilets and broken beds really should require you to refund our night in your terrible hotel. At least the crappy desk service matched the crappy bed and toilets!
10) If you are going to cram 3 adults in a tiny room with no wall outlets or broken beds or no coffee pots or no air could you at least splurge on better toilet paper. You are charging a ridiculous amount of money for your hole in the wall hotels splurge on the two ply! We are on vacation not hanging out in prison!
road trip part 1
Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, Utah...
I would like to say I am well traveled. I have covered most of western Europe in some way or another. I have beeen to or at least thru every southern state. I have touched on a few cities in the midwest and the north eastern corner of the US. My comfort level on the eastern side of the Mississippi River is high!! In the past I spent a little bit of time in Texas mostly Dallas and Austin. That being said, I have always thought the US was pretty. Seeing the trees and the green always makes me feel like I am at home.
However over the last five days I have seen a whole new part of America and AWE is the only word to describe what I have seen so far...I am sure more words will appear later:)
Zion National Park in Utah
Grand Canyon (in case you didn't know:)
Tents Monument in New Mexico - even in the rain still cool:) This was at the bottom of an easy mile hike in the rain!
