‘Yes You do!’
3 years and another baby later.....
Miss is 7 weeks into the terrible 2s (at this point they aren’t so terrible just full of plenty of sass and LOUD screams...cause heaven forbid I tell her no!). For two years mommy, daddy, and grown ups in general have provided all she has needed when she needed/wanted it...seriously no is tough on her ;)
She firmly believes any bag I am carrying is an endless supply of raisins, crackers and water. Just waiting for her to ask for it....every once in a while a mommy fail happens and my purse has none of her life necessities. Oh the grief I get when she realizes what I have done...
I will say miss I am so sorry but I don’t have any raisins and her first reaction is to say ‘Yes You Do!’ No miss I don’t.... ‘Yes You Do!’
It never occurs to her that I won’t provide something. I have to I am her mommy and that is what I do...I provide...always...
Why do I struggle to remember that my Father will provide for me? He constantly reminds us in His word that He will provide...He promises and He never forgets (like earthly moms and dads do sometimes) I insist on trying to do it myself and figure things out on my own.
Granted that doesn’t mean I can sit in my house with my feet kicked back claiming God is gonna rain down solutions and wealth from heaven but it does mean I can work on relying on Him to provide by whatever way He chooses....provide all my needs...
Psalm 81:10
where you looking?
having a walking almost 11 month old has turned every place we go into an obstacle course/war zone. little man leads with his head and has no idea of consequences. however when he hits something or runs over something or falls down it is pretty interesting to watch his reaction...now if it is a true 'dang that hurt real bad' hit he cries. it was unexpected. why would the coffee table hit him in the head? little man didn't do anything to that stupid thing.
however for all other things-falls, trips, slips and smacks-little man doesn't cry first he looks at us to see how he should react. if we aren't 'paying attention' and he wants to keep playing he will just move on and no reaction is given. however if we are looking at him he always waits to see what we are going to do first....if we freak out he does. if we give sympathy he whimpers and begs for more. if we smile and tell him he is ok, he smiles right back. his emotions and reactions are almost always a reflection of us...he reads us and knows. he looks to us to help him decide HOW he should react.
what do i look to for my reactions? what guides my emotions? do i respond out of plain old fashioned hurt or do i look to others for reactions? do i consider 'what Jesus would do?' do i ever take the time to consider what i am saying and how i am reacting in those moments when i fall, trip, slip or get smacked by life? sometimes raw emotion is what comes out....and sometimes that is ok. sometimes the wrong response comes out...sometimes the correct response comes out...
however if i am being honest i rarely take the time to consider how God would have me react. why don't i consult scripture more before i think or react? why isn't scripture more engrained in my life that i react how God desires? the truth is laziness. i have stopped looking to my Lord...i think i know enough and am smart enough to handle all things.
one day little man is going to stop looking to mom and dad for how he should react and behave. we are trying to train him in the way God would want him to go and hopefully when he stops looking to us he will look to God and His Word for how to react and live his life...yeah no pressure as a parent. of course if we as parents live our lives by His Word the pressure is off us and entirely up to God's will. so it is worth looking to God for my reactions and emotions and my words before i speak...
Life Aspiration…True Foodie
I am a bonafide dyed in the wool big hip wearing foodie. I enjoy food…the process, the preparation, the consuming, and the congratulatory accolade associated with food. Cooking for others has always been the favorite part of my day. Even now with a not quite 6 week old, I think of what to prepare for dinner most of the day. (Hey I have plenty of thinking time while serving as a milk cow to my little man!)
I seek new recipes on a weekly/daily basis often to the dismay of my meat and potato eating husband. I look forward to going to the grocery store to buy the right foods for my planned menu. I also thoroughly enjoy eating good food regardless of who fixed it. And I also secretly bask in the congratulatory words after others enjoy my food. (Don't worry I suffer through the complaints also….did I mention my husband is a picky eater??) It is a process I truly delight in from start to finish. Well I hate the cleaning up part. That part I will gladly leave to others!
Food and all things related I enjoy from start to finish and all the tiny details in between. Most others things in my day I just want to finish and move on to the next task. I am not very good at stopping and just enjoying the moment. My mind tends to race to the next task or process.
For the last several months that is most obvious in my relationship with God. When I do take the time (rarely) to spend anytime in scripture I go at it with my standard 'break it down and study it'/'what is God teaching me' mode and then cross it off my list.
I don't remember the last time I just enjoyed the Bible…slowly reading it for no other reason than enjoying the process, the preparation, and the consuming. I want to settle into congratulatory accolade for having 'completed' the task for the day. Enjoying the Bible to know and to understand who God is is all part of what it looks like to be a child of God. If I put so much joy and effort into food than the joy and effort I put into God should be ten fold.
For Jesus said 'I am the bread of life' and 'I am the living water'. That is the best type of food and as a foodie those are the foods I really need to learn to enjoy and revel in...
Joy in every kick...even the painful ones....
So much for all the blogging I was going to do in order to mark my first pregnancy...I really had good intentions but not a whole lot of motivation! I would like to say I have been journaling the old school way with pencil and paper but haven't even done a good job of that. Maybe pregnancy has sucked out my creativity and desire to write. Or maybe I am too lazy lately and have spent most of my time surviving pregnancy....
First please note I have had a very easy pregnancy I think. Of course I have nothing to compare it to so I could be wrong. My body feels like it has been invaded by aliens. It looks weird, feels weird and is doing weird stuff (i.e. pelvis has problems staying where it is supposed too!) Last night I told the baby daddy that I miss being comfortable. After I lost my 75 pounds a few years ago I realized I was just uncomfortable in that old body and enjoyed the new freedoms my smaller waist gave me. Now I am growing a baby in the most uncomfortable place. Sleeping positions, sitting positions, walking positions and standing positions lead to constant movement and shifting as I try to find that sweet spot of temporary comfort. But alas at 31 weeks that ship has sailed!
I would like to think I am handling it all well and not complaining....BUT we know that isn't true :) If you can't whine when pregnant when can you...I mean really! However I am working on finding the joy in growing my baby boy in my body! I am more than willing to share with him.
The last few weeks have brought more joy than I thought possible. Every time he moves I have to stop and put my hands on my stomach. I love feeling him move and seeing my stomach bounce around. I love seeing my husband's face light up when he feels his son move around. Of course I wish he (baby not husband) wouldn't spend so much time pushing on my ribs or kicking my bladder. However it is a delightful reminder that my son is growing every day. And the best part is knowing that I am not doing anything to make that happen.
Pregnancy is the greatest example of God the Creator. He is right this moment knitting another one of His children in my womb. I am the holder of His precious gift. Every kick is evidence that I serve an amazing God who is so much bigger than I can ever imagine. Psalm 139 seems more real in this stage of life, and I am grateful that God has chosen me to experience pregnancy...this moment...this stage is meant to be enjoyed. This is a time to be in awe of God and worship Him as the ultimate Creator...
the glamour...or not
I have always wanted to be a mom. Honestly...always wanted to be a mom. I am pretty sure it started at birth. I always played with baby dolls and Barbies....maybe a little longer than I should have but I digress. My years babysitting, teaching little ones and nannying was meant to prepare me for my own kids. Of course the list of what I will do and I will NEVER do is a list too long to recite or even follow through with...
Well in January my dream will finally come true. I will be the mom of a new bouncing baby something. Needless to say we are excited/nervous/overwhelmed. And I am coming to realization that I never really thought about the whole pregnancy part of having that bundle of non-sleeping joy! I guess I have naively thought I would love being pregnant from the moment of conception. I can't wait for the baby to get here. I am looking forward to the first time I feel the baby move...However all the other stuff, so far, not so crazy about it.
First I am aware that my first trimester has not been bad in comparison with what it could be like! I have yet to throw up (and hopefully won't!). I have an easy job where I can sit in front of a computer all day and work. However that doesn't excuse the fact the first trimester is no fun. Nausea is my mortal enemy. I don't even remember what it is like not be queasy. Pictures of food are disgusting especially after I have forced myself to eat something so I don't throw up. I want to go to bed at 8pm every night (I usually force myself to wait til 9:30! that is success right??!). I have exercised twice in 3 months because even walking up the steps gets me little out of breath! I am limited to only 4/5 dresses because none of my pants fit. Everything is uncomfortable and makes me feel just plain BLAH (yes, that is a state of being!) and......
ok you get it! I am not feeling the pregnancy glow or the glamour yet. But hopefully I am going to turn the page next week and be done with the no fun part...well until 8 months when apparently I never sleep and could possible pee on myself when I laugh. See more glamor or not...
Oh food how I love thee...or used to...
I enjoy food. Ok I love food! I want it to smell good, look good and taste good...always! I have always enjoyed cooking food. Honestly it is my favorite part of the day. I am a Pinterest food pinner on a daily basis. The difference is that I actually try those recipes out...much to the enjoyment or dismay of my husband. He isn't quite the foodie that I wish he was. He just wants hot and 'normal'. I get tired of the same old stuff. I am always eager to try something new and eat some where new. I get cravings and almost always indulge them. I try to be careful because I worked to hard to shed the weight to put it back on! However I still enjoy it. My husband mocks my sounds when I take a bite of good food...it is completely uncontrollable:)
Last night I made green beans and was so repulsed after one bite that I actually had to remove them from my plate before I could finish my dinner. I find pictures of some food and even some commercials make me want to throw up! Dessert doesn't always sound good. What sounds good now soon becomes the equivalent of liver and onions in my mind...
Yep first trimester not all it is cracked up to be...food I will love you again one day. I refuse to raise my kid not to love food of all kinds....don't even get my started on my dislike for coffee that started 5 weeks ago...makes me tear up in sadness!
time to brush up...
know what you believe so you can explain what you believe....makes sense right? it seems like the least complicated way to explain something to someone...if you are trying to convince someone to take your side or claim you are right you should probably now exactly what you believe and why you believe it. answer the 5WHow questions for what you believe in. i have been reminded lately how we as Christians don't seem to think that simple concept applies to us...
the hubs and i are taking an inquirers class at our church. we are making the move to the PCA world. the class is not required for membership; however it is recommended. it was the first time i have taken this type of class. it has been a relief. it is nice to sit down and have a pastor tell you what the church/denomination believes and that he agrees. if he didn't agree he would be allowed to preach in the PCA demonination. the belief system is clear and across the board. they follow a confessional standard and have a catechism. it is refreshing. i am not expected to memorize the entire thing (thank goodness but kind of interested in the shorter one at least). however they are clear on what they believe. they want you as member or church goer to know what they believe and in turn want you to know what you believe.
why have we (read i) spent such a large majority of our lives refusing to say in black and white exactly what we believe and why we believe it? i used to avoid theology and theological debates like the plaque. i come from a christian background that seemed to discourage this mindset. i am trying not to make a general statement. i know people all across the theological spectrum who are extremely clear on the beliefs that shape their worlds. however i was never really taught how to do this or why to do this. the standard response was 'just because the Bible says' and yes i would say this and have no idea where or if it actually said this.
this last week i have found myself in conversations about the trinity, scriptural authority/fallibilty, and calvinism. it has reminded me that i need to brush up on my beliefs and jump to learning all the 5WHow's of those big issues. i don't want to learn them in order to enter into a legalistic mindset but serve my ultimate purpose....to glorify God in all i do and that includes trying to explain to others who He is and why it is important...
