Roaming Tennessee Girl

no directions and okay with it

I would like to think that I am a low maintenance type of person. I want to believe I am laid back and will take whatever life throws at me...but let's be honest that just isn't me. I am a control freak who really likes to be in charge and plan all things out. I will act like I really don't care but a lack of plans stresses me out. I am much better than I used to be. I am okay with not always driving or not always having directions. Getting lost doesn't make me want to have a heart attack. I don't have to pick the restaurant or the movie. I have learned to take lives little curve balls...notice I said little. Now the big ones I don't handle very well. I tend to get angry, frustrated and stressed out when the BIG curve balls come my way. Tears are shed and unwise words are spoken.

Over the last couple of months those BIG issues have been a little overwhelming for me. I am amazed at how well I am handling the changes. I even had someone point out to me how well I am handling everything...especially the unknown/floaty aspect of my life. I have no idea what God is going to do in my life over the next few months. And for the first time in my life I am at peace with the not knowing. You guys know me well enough to know that I live for my five/ten/twenty year plans. Even if they never come true I still need to have the plans...Lately I am okay with not having a plan or a clear direction.

And yesterday I figured out for the last five weeks my life has been permeated with scripture. I have spent more time in the last five plus weeks studying scripture. Talking about what God is doing in my life has become a daily thing. Every morning I am spending at least an hour studying the bible, reading challenging/theological books, and talking to God. It has been over five years since I have been that focused on God. He is the only way I am making it through this season in my life. I am so glad that I am 100% covered in the comfort of His arms.....it is so much easier to let Him be in control when I am actually spending quality time with Him. Right now I would be a wreck without His love, grace, and peace...

posted by deanna @ 10:28 PM