Roaming Tennessee Girl

For the last week I have been made extremely aware of how evil my heart is. I find myself wanting to be selfish and wanting to do what I want when I want regardless of the consequences. My stress level has pushed me to the wanting to snap level. I feel the need to yell and whine and complain. The urge is starting to overpower my normal optimistic slant towards life. I truly hate seeing that in myself. I hate the feeling of bitterness and annoyance. Finding the good in all things is one of my favorite things even if it annoys the heck out of other people!

This morning while working my way through my Beth Moore James study the concept of deformed desires is discussed. For my entire Christian life I have been told to pray for the desires of my heart and God will give them to you. Scripture backs up this concept. I believe this is true. But what happens when the desires of your heart are deformed?? Can I honestly admit what the desires of my heart are? am i willing to admit that some of them are deformed? Because lets be honest they are...everyone has deformed desires. I don't like to think about them. But maybe today i should. Because actually admitting them might help me to get rid of them and turn them into the desires that God has for me.

Proverbs 19:3 (NLT) "people ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord." I don't want that to be me. I don't want my own selfishness and deformed heart to cause me to be angry at God.

Jeremiah 29:11-13"for i know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." I want that future and that hope but first I have to search for the Lord with all my heart...and I have to search with an awareness of my deformed desires...