Roaming Tennessee Girl

show stopping snow...

2012-01-21T06:58:00.002-06:00

i don't stop very well. i don't stop often. my extroverted nature means the chances of me saying no to anyone or anything is extremely unlikely. i always like to do and go and talk. this morning i was awake at 7am....on a saturday...when i could actually sleep til at least 9... Granted i had been asleep for almost 9 hours so my body was completely done with sleep but it doesn't quite stop me from being a little bitter.

then i looked out the window to see a different world. The first real snow of the winter has arrived. The world is covered in white. So i got up fixed coffee and a bowl of cereal to enjoy some time staring outside. Here i sit in my comfy chair (as sienna calls it) with the window wide open watching it snow and just enjoying how beautiful God can make the earth seem with a simple little shift in the weather patterns. Unfortunately i found myself after about 5 mins playing with my phone...checking facebook, reading emails, and looking an article on people.com. As soon as i shifted to checking out scrabble i tossed the phone down in disgust. Why am i distracting myself with stuff when i really just need to stop and enjoy?

the world is quiet and beautiful right now...absolutely nothing is as peaceful as snow. God washes everything in white. so i am going to stop and enjoy for a little while. I want to spend some time being grateful that i have a God who also covers me in white and makes me beautiful....so here i go right now listening to the wind and snowfall while not distracting myself....i want to stop for a little while or at least until i get really really cold and have to shut the window!

be quiet and know

2011-09-01T13:37:00.002-05:00

I like noise. I am a noisy person. I am pretty sure I was never even a quiet child unless my nose was stuck in a book and I was avoiding chores:) The many baby pictures of me with a bright red face in mid scream reiterate this concept!

Well for 3 days we have had no power here in the nanny house/neighborhood due to Hurricane Irene. (I skipped day 1 by staying with a friend so my silence began about 8:30am Monday!) First let me state this was the easiest and probably best power outage. Gas stove top, Gas hot water heater and fall like weather made it crazy easy. Showers were perfect. Plenty of ways to make food and no air conditioning needed. The problem is the silence especially after work. No music, no TV and limited phone time had left me with about 4 hours of total quiet studying with a flashlight and candles. This can only be done for so long especially for a girl who is ALWAYS surrounded by noise! TV or music is on ALL the time for me. I find comfort in that noise. Nine times out of ten I am not even paying attention to it but I know it is there! The lack of noise has led to an over load of thinking...

The concept of "be still and know that I am Lord" has run through my mind nonstop today (Tuesday actually:) However I am beginning to think 'be quiet and know that I am Lord' may be more beneficial for me right now...

A certain area in my life is sort of drastically changing right now...I have found myself non stop talking, analyzing and verbalizing the change with friends, family and God-NONSTOP. In fact I am beginning to think I may be turning it into noise. I need to stop and let God...let God control it, guide it and plan it. Not me....so far His time has been pretty good. I need to be quiet and know that He is the Lord of my life. He will work it out if it suppose to be. In fact I want Him to work it out in His way. So far He is doing a wonderful job I just need to let Him continue that...

word power

2011-08-18T19:21:00.005-05:00

"sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt" is a childhood saying that we soon learn is completely untrue. I am sure every single person in the world can think of at least 5 or 500 things someone said that hurt them. I have words that have been said to me that I will never forget. The hurt has unfortunately shaped me a little, usually in a bad way. However I have always claimed to never be a "words" person.

Please note I have never read the 5 love languages book (and I don't ever plan too:) but I know the basics of the idea. I am a stanch quality time and physical touch person. Words of affirmation have never been my cup of tea. I get awkward and have no idea what to say when someone talks to me about me. I never know what to say or how to respond. My immediate reaction is to deflect and declare the opposite of what ever said person is telling me.

However over the last few days and weeks I have been learning that words are becoming really important to me. I don't know why the change....maybe it is the fact that most of the people I care about most in the world are far so words are all we have...maybe they have always mattered and I have never wanted to admit it...maybe I want to start cancelling out those bad things with good things...

I still get awkward and really want to deflect, but I am also working really hard at just saying thank you. I want to let those words roll around in my head. They make me feel cherished and beyond blessed. Of course now that I am starting to accept the words of others it is reminding me that I have to return the word love to others...which can make me just as awkward:)

what a difference a year makes...

2011-07-04T20:10:00.000-05:00

so a year ago yesterday I decided to be a joiner and do something i had never really done. (see previous post Roaming Tennessee Girl: fireworks on the fourth)
This year I did the same thing but added a few extras that made it a remarkable day. I went to the same red bank fireworks however this year i went with some precious friends. I ended up a party that will forever stick in my mind for reasons that will never be listed in writing and was able to watch the fireworks from someone's back yard. It was a night to remember. However i think what made it the most lovely was to be overwhelmed by how much God has done in my life over the last year.

If i am being honest I think part of me moved to New Jersey because I felt like I had nothing better to do so why not? Granted not the best reason to complete transplant one's life but that is what i had. Now a year later I find myself blessed with precious friends and a church community. My group of jwell friends are my life line here in jersey. I would have never made it without them. They make me laugh and hold me accountable. It is just so good to see people truly trying to live out God in every part of their lives.

I weigh almost 50 pounds less than I did a year ago. Living in a new environment finally gave me the much needed boast to do something about my discomfort with my body. I like trying on new clothes now. It has also been kind of fun to surprise people with how I look now...however I am not finished with that yet:)

About 6 weeks ago I started seminary classes. After several years of wanting to and talking about it, I finally took the plunge. I am currently enrolled in southern seminary and am taking elementary greek! it is killing me... I am pretty sure my brain is going to explode before august gets here. deep breath...I can do this.

A year from now who knows what I will be doing or where I will be but for now I am pretty content with the changes God has brought about in my life. Now if He could help me magically understand Greek all would be right in the world...

jumping off a ledge

2011-04-28T22:29:00.002-05:00

I am a pushover. Not sure if that is the correct term but it is all that pops into my head. I would like to argue that I am extremely solid in my faith. I know what I believe and am solid in why I believe it. However over the last couple of months I have come to realize that I can't always back up what I believe in unless I have heard someone else tell me why they believe it...confused yet??

I am currently walking my way through Philippians using a Precept Upon Precept Bible study series. It is unlike any bible study series I have ever done. This is my second Precept study. The first wasn't as much of a challenge, but this one is making me nervous. I have always thrived in those studies where the author tells me where to go to find the answer to their questions. They know the answer and will spend 3 or 4 pages telling me why I should agree with them. I am not saying they are theologically unsound, but they do a great job of spoon feeding me. However over the past week I have been forced to read 3 verses and then find the answer to the tough theological question by myself using scripture, commentaries and a concordance. Yikes!!! just me, the big thick books and the Holy spirit...I already had my opinion of why I believed but to have to support it was a little intimidating.

Then it hit me...there are to many parts of my faith that I 'believe' to be true but I can't necessarily tell you why I firmly believe it to be true. I am a pushover...I let what other people believe be my guiding post. Which brings me to point number 2 this realization also makes me a little bit of a hypocrite. I can't tell you how many times i have told people in any bible study I was teaching to study scripture for themselves. I have always wanted them to read the Bible. I have always warned them to not just take my word for it or even the preacher's word for what they are to believe. Here find that I have been doing the same thing...

So now it is time for me to start finding out why I believe what I believe...and doing it myself. Not that I won't be reading others books and listening to other opinions but maybe I should spend more time studying the actual Word of God instead of letting others spoon feed me the answers to my faith questions...Ergo I will be jumping off a faith ledge and let the Holy Spirit spend more time guiding me. I guess it is a good time for me to start seminary after all...isn't it suppose to better equip me to study:)

words of wisdom

2011-03-24T19:55:00.002-05:00

Lately I have found myself wondering why I go to all the trouble to underline in a book ( I only underline in the non-fiction Jesus type books). I always like my own copy of these type of books because I want to make notes or underline in them. However I pretty much never go back and look at them. I almost never reread them. Ever so often I may reference them in a bible study; however those occurances are pretty rare. I find myself looking back at those underlinings lately yet not quite able to remember why the importance. Did I truly learn anything from those quotes? Have they impacted my life? Am I different? Do I even remember why I felt the need to underline? Do I underline them so I can pretend to truly comprehend what I am reading? Am I better Christian because I underline them? Here are some examples from the last several months. Some I see why I underlined them but I completely forgot about them until I looked for them.

"Compromise always begins by listening to the wrong counsel." Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild p. 40
"The Lord created woman with a bent to be amenable, relational, and receptive. He created man with a bent to initiate, provide, and protect." Girls Gone....p. 131
"If you want to be wise, you'll start by getting to know God and doing what He says." Girls Gone p. 256
"But pursuing our passions is the key to living a fruitful and fulfilling life." Wild Goose Chase p. 22
"we have been told all that is required is a one time decision, maybe even mere intellectual assent to Jesus, but after that we don't need to worry about his commands, his standards, and his glory." Radical p.32
"Jesus never asks us how we feel about Him. He calls us to believe in Him, to trust in Him." Dug Down Deep p.86
"No matter how close in time we are, no matter how immediate and intimate the testimony about Jesus is, we want more. We want to remove the need for faith." Dug Down Deep p. 92

The bigger question is am I spending too much time underlining in books that aren't the Bible? Are these the words of wisdom I need to underline or do I need to only underline in the Bible? How do I make Jeremiah 15:16 my life? "Your words were found and I ate them. And your words became for me a joy and the delight of my heart; For I have been called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts." Now that is worth underlining...

dang it God

2011-03-06T20:10:00.002-06:00

I am a relational person and proud of it. Getting to know people, hearing their stories and delving into who they are is just plain fun to me. I love to talk and love to listen to others. I often find myself having to tell me when I need to stop asking questions especially at first meeting. I thrive on good conversation. I am sure this comes as a total surprise to all who know and love me right:)

This weekend I went to a woman's retreat with my church here in Jersey. I did not plan on going. In fact it never really crossed my mind to attend. Over the years I have attended so many conferences and retreats it is impossible for me to keep count. Unfortunately this spiritual retreat overload has caused a wee bit...okay a huge...amount of sarcasm and cynicism in my life. They are all the same. You go drained and come home revived and rejuvenated...Ready to conquer anything the devil throws in my path. Same format-too much eating, worship music that ranges from weepy to jumpy, biblical leaders, small groups, bare all conversations, solve all problems and struggles in 48 hours or less, then return home after getting no sleep and LOTS of tears. Three weeks later forgot whole life altering moments and move on with daily life. (see only a wee bit of cynicism)

I was just not even remotely interested. I am little embarrassed to say I am pretty sure I rolled my eyes when the announcements began at Jacob's Well. However when I learned the venue for said retreat was to take place in Spring Lake at the awesome looking (on the outside) Normandy Inn my mind completely changed. I signed up and paid my money. Then tried not to think about how I annoyed I would probably be the whole weekend. Half a block from the beach in a town that kind of gives Pleasantville a run for its money and the town I spent 3 months living in during the fall was going to be worth it. But I had no expectations of seeing anything new or different happen in my life. I have done these retreats and honestly life is fine right now so no worries for me.

Of course God always has a totally different plan in mind. He had to take me to the Normandy Inn in a room surrounded my lots of creepy pictures of dead people and fake flowers to remind me of something. He and I have not had a conversation in a really long time. A true relationship delving conversation....me being honest and really talking to God.

Now first let me say I have been studying the word quite a bit lately. I am in a season where I really feel like I am learning more scripture than I have in years. I can easily recognize an increase in knowledge of God according to His word. In addition I feel like I have been making a more intentional effort to actually pray for others. Not just saying I would pray for someone but really doing it. I don't say that to brag...I say this to confess.

I have gone for several weeks if not several months and not really talked to God... Not actually told Him what was going on in my life...haven't poured out my heart and my desires and my frustrations to Him. Saturday while singing one those 'weepy' worship songs I had my moment of true conversation with my Father. It was sad and a hard thing to talk to Him about. I wish I could say it is all better and fixed. But it isn't. I don't know if He will ever answer it. However I rediscovered how wonderful it is to truly talk and I mean really talk to my best friend. Why don't I do this all the time?

God knows all things. He knows my heart and my desires and my thoughts and my frustrations. Since He knows, I forget He still wants to actually hear me talk about them. My friend Adel said "silence is the Devil" this morning. And yikes how true this especially in my relationship with God. I can't ever have a true intimate relationship with Him if I don't TALK to Him. Maybe my desire to converse with Him will last longer than 3 weeks this time...As a relational person who loves to talk most of my conversations should happen with the ultimate Creator. He has the best story to tell and He is also making my story really good.

greener grass

2011-02-12T12:41:00.003-06:00

I love the snow...to me it is the prettiest form of weather. Watching it fall makes me feel like I am in a snow globe. The whole world seems to pause in silence. Everything looks different and seems to glow. I was looking forward to moving to jersey land because I wanted a lot of real snow. Since thanksgiving i have eagerly waited for the first of what i hoped would be many snowfalls. Of course I missed one while in Tennessee during Christmas. However since returning at the first of January I have not been disappointed. The ground has been snow covered every day since. We have had too many to count 3 plus inches of snow storms this year. One even brought a fresh 12 inch layer of the beautiful stuff! I just love how pretty everything is the day after new snow covers everything....God truly showing off.

Unfortunately it is almost the middle February and the ground is still covered in about 3 or so inches of snow and we had had no new snow in about 2 weeks. It is starting to look a little bad...honestly the snow is disgusting. What is left has taken on a grayish hue and the big piles are just in the way. They are making parking and driving a pain in the butt. I am done with the snow for now ( i say this right before I head to Utah to ski but I digress:)

How often is my walk with Christ just like the snow? When is new, good and refreshing I am completely wrapped in all it has to offer me. I rejoice in who God is and I am amazed by what He has done and continues to do. But I can't seem to stay that enamored with Him. Why do i find my self almost weary or stagnant? I am just as bad as those people who long for winter and then complain when it arrives. I am already looking forward to spring and I know I will eagerly starting bidding my time til summer soon after spring arrives. Is it a lack of contentment? Why can't i appreciate every season God gives me? I know I won't always be on top of my love for Jesus but I want to always love Him and be excited every time I think about who God is....

nope....nada

2011-01-19T20:59:00.002-06:00

nada, zip, zilch, zero.....I don't know why I seemed to have lost all ability to write anything lately. I have 100s of things floating around in my head but nothing seems to be fleshing itself out so I am just going to be random.

I am pretty sure I have seen more snow in the last month then I have seen in 5 years:) and I love it....

I have come to truly appreciate warm snow appropriate clothing.

Now that I own a mac and a northface jacket I will never go back to a pc or to off brand jackets (of course these two better last a REALLY REALLY REALLY long time).

I have ridiculous job ( I say that it least 10 times week)!

Has 2 months and 10 until my 32nd birthday daay....dang that is old!!!

it makes me smile when i think about the fact that the local news is the nyc news...dumb but true.

I am really enjoying the hunger for the Word that I have right now and hopefully it will continue...

Blessed is the best way to describe my life right now.

ode to toshiba

2010-12-29T17:32:00.001-06:00

After 8 years, 2 countries, 4 states and millions of tasks I finally gave away my very first and very trusty Toshiba laptop...it feels like the end of an era.

I vividly remember when I first bought it and the joy I felt. I was living in Virginia preparing for a live changing move overseas. I was blessed by a church that wanted to give the computer as a gift. I remember feeling scared out of my mind to drop the almost $1400 on a laptop (back in the early days of the laptop craze!). I had to remind myself God had blessed me with the funds so take the leap and my job required it!

Since that purchase in the summer of 2002 my Toshiba went with me EVERYWHERE. It helped me develop web pages, store pictures, write blogs, and web cam with family. However an 8 year old laptop is about a million in human years...

For the last 3 years I have been walking on eggshells and praying everyday I turned it on...It was taking about 10 minutes to boot up and had no available space for a picture much less an hour long podcast. As long as I used itunes or media during the first 2 hours it was on the sound worked. However after that time the sound no longer worked and itunes refused to do anything. I knew the time was coming to finally walk away.

After another huge financial blessing I am now the proud owner of a MacBook. I wish I was more sentimental about my good ole Toshiba but it was time to walk away and let her forever lie in the laptop graveyard or in my case with the parents. I can still visit her as long as she doesn’t blow up. Since my parents don’t throw anything away I will find it in the box 30 years from and hopefully remember why it was so important:)

a few pics

2010-11-02T20:00:00.005-05:00

Just wanted to share a little of my new world...the 1st four pics where a 360 view of my quiet time place 2 Saturdays ago...I am a little sad that it is too cold to go there now but it was lovely while it lasted!

Spring lake...ocean ave in the back (where the really rich live)

One side of where I was sitting...(notice no people:)

Other side where I was sitting (notice no people either)

and the beautiful ocean...saw several boats but just me and the Lord

This past Sunday I spent the day with a sweet friend from church taking pictures in Princeton at the University...too bad I don't know what they buildings are but I loved taking the pics:)

side view of the chapel/cathedral:)

felt so European:)

I loved this building...will learn the name of it one day:)

a little off track

2010-10-23T15:57:00.000-05:00

I have been here 4 months...part of me feels like i have been here forever and the other part feels like i have only just arrived. However this week i realized I have stepped into being a believer who isn't really talking to God because things are going so well.

I was flat on my face, praying, studying and talking to God before I moved here. I was specific and intentional with all I was doing in my spiritual sphere. When I moved here everything feel into place like a perfect puzzle with all the pieces! and it happened immediately...

work-like it = check
Living with others not awkward = check
paying off debt = check
friends = check
christian community = check

Oh my gratitude and awe at all these answered prayers is great. I make sure that I thank God for all He has done and is doing. However that is turning into the only time I talk to him other than sunday.

why? I have always warned others about not doing this. do i feel there is no need? my list of excuses is long too tired, too busy, no accountability, not teaching right now, yada yada. However now that I am aware of this problem i have to get on track. I miss it. I miss God...

gps jump...

2010-09-24T12:30:00.002-05:00

If you ever hang out with me you probably know that I am anti-GPS. I remember the first time someone I know got one-summer 2006. She called me at least 5 times in the following months to ask me to help her get unlost:) I want a map. I like to see the whole picture of where I am headed.

Well over the last 3 months I have had to learn how to use one. They make me nervous, and I never trust that they are guiding me in the right direction. I often argue with them and do the opposite of what they want me to do. My way usually works out fine. My directional capabilities always get me to and from safely...for the most part.

Last Thursday for the very first time I went somewhere totally GPS dependent. It was dark and rainy and I was coming from a new town in jersey. I entered the address and took off with no other option! At one point I was driving through the middle of nowhere Jersey and the only thing visible on the GPS was a black screen and a purple line letting me know I was on a road! (see picture...taken during daylight....now imagine the screen totally black!!)

No other cars except me and rain slicked roads and an older than dirt GPS! I won't lie I was nervous. This is a the scene in a horror flick right before something jumps out of the lush woods on either side!

Then I had a spiritual epiphany...That is my trust in God moment. I want to see the whole map. I need to know what they options are. I need to see what is next and what my options are. I just can't seem to believe that God is going to get me there. I know it is a little cheesy to compare God to a GPS but it makes sense to me! Control is my sin. I need to learn to let God guide me. I don't need a backup plan or to know the whole story before it begins. Thursday I made it to my friend's house and home safely. I let the GPS do its job...Maybe my life would be a little less stressful if would let God do His!

heart BLAH!

2010-08-29T16:46:00.003-05:00

I don't know why it has been so difficult to write down what I am struggling with lately! My heart and its condition has been pounding in my mind since May. I taught a bible study on the heart in June. God started giving me lots of verses in July and started HONESTLY evaluating my own heart in August. But I can't seem to formulate a blog or logical journal entry. I feel heavily compelled to do both. Yet I refuse to sit down and be honest!! I have the time and the thoughts but fear putting them on paper (or blog:)

My heart is jealous, lazy, and apathetic!! There I said it...now what??

my first time(well second time)

2010-08-23T21:04:00.005-05:00

Last weekend I finally got to really meet another big city and of course I feel in love...

Six years ago I meet NYC for the first time. Unfortunately the trip ranks up there with top three most disappointing trips ever! Granted it all started with the crazy idea to do a 24 hour road trip...When you are 25 you are too old for trips like that. A couple of the people I went with made it miserable. It was december and we had no sleep. I left disappointed that I was not able to mark anything off my list of what to do in NYC!

But last weekend my opinion changed completely. As I walked the streets of the city with a new found friend I fell in love with the sites, sounds, smells and crowds:) I am pretty sure we walked half the island but I made the first of many trips to the city that is almost in my backyard. Now I get to be serious about my checklist of what to do in the big apple. A special thanks to my friend who had to listen to me say about a million times how excited I was to be the city! Public transportation and people watching...need I say more!

View from inside the shoppes at columbus circle..Gotta love all those people and cars!

Picture taken inside Central Park...It was a beautiful day!

Me drinking a Jamba Juice at the fountain in columbus circle

preparation...

2010-08-01T19:22:00.002-05:00

Culture shock in the land of the Guidos is more shocking than the land of wine and cheese. I prepared myself for life in France before I moved there. I read books. I asked hundreds of questions to fellow missys who had lived on the field. I prepared myself for the things I could and would do without. I worried about table manners, fashion faux pas and cultural differences. That doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of my months before I went to France. After a few months living in Nancy, France I fought hard to learn the language, master public transport, drive a stick while adjusting to the road rules, and adjusting to the food.

Needless to say when I decided to move above the Mason-Dixon line I made no such preparations. My last few weeks in TN were spent hanging with precious friends and family, working with my bk kiddos, and packing (okay all my packing was done the day before I left:). I spent no time studying up on the changes I may experience. They have a plethora of books on culture shock but not usually relating to moving somewhere different in the USA!! Perhaps that explains my slight bafflement at some of the differences...People drive different, act different, and talk different. Things I took for granted aren't prevalent. Granted they are all things I can live without yet they still surprise me...

Live here is constantly reminding me of how comfortable or too comfortable I was with my life. I was content yet decidedly lazy at getting out of my comfort zone. I still am not sure how this time in New Jersey factors into God's plan for my life. Maybe it is a reminder to get away from my comfort zone...Maybe it is a reminder to always be prepared...Maybe it is a reminder that God is in control even in the midst of culture shock chaos.

Things I've observed so far...

2010-07-13T19:53:00.002-05:00

Organic food doesn't taste ANY different. It just costs more...except for organic juice and it is gross!

It is odd for a wealthy family to use cheap toilet paper! I'll keep buying my own Charmin and pass on the Scott's (Haley that's for you!)

Having someone clean my room every week is odd. This week all my lotions and sprays were organized by size...last week they were organized with lotions on one side and sprays on the other.

New Jersey drivers use horn intimidation on a way to regular basis. It has never bothered me when others honk. Here they don't stop until you move. Apparently your foot is suppose to be on the gas BEFORE the light turns green. I am not making that up..several people have told me that is the New Jersey way!

I am living with a family who I don't think has ever been to Wal-Mart. I asked the dad about it and he didn't seem to even know what it was like!

Thursday is the first time I've had potatoes with dinner since I've been here. My butt better start shrinking! No bread with dinner yet:(

Drive-thrus are extremely limited for some bizarre reason! Italian restaurants are EVERY 1/2 block but few places allow me to drive-thru to get a drink!

People pump my gas...That will never get old!!!

I've only seen/heard about ONE Mexican restaurant within 30 miles of here! CRAZY!!!

I find it strange this family has a Mango corer (didn't know that existed!) and no apple corer...

fireworks on the fourth

2010-07-05T18:52:00.002-05:00

So I decided Saturday I was going to be a joiner. I know you all probably think me a joiner already but not really. You see I am a joiner only if a group is joining me. Having only been here two weeks means I don't have a group yet...having to jump on my own. The temptation to stay in my room was great, but I had already told people I was going. Following through meant doing something I know I haven't done since college if not high school! I put myself together and found the train station so I could travel ten minutes from the house to watch the biggest fireworks in all of new jersey in red bank. (google it and it will show up:)

Well first it is just plain weird to go all by myself with no intention of meeting anyone! Really weird:) What makes that painful is that I have a million sarcastic thoughts running through my mind and it is a challenge for me to keep them in my head. You know if is my greatest weakness to want to comment on almost everything terrible i see! oh the fashion alone is noteworthy:) When I first moved here everyone I first talked to claimed they were nothing like the tv shows but this event reflected some serious Jersey Shore action. They really talk like the guidos and have the shorts and the stuff popping out all over!!!

Second I am pretty sure I was suppose to either be in high school or be an alternate for the jersey shore to fit in. I am not sixteen, not a fake baker, not all about showing everything to everyone on the street, and not covered in tattoos! Therefore I stick out like a sore thumb. But what a chance to observe all I see!

Third I am not usually the type who likes to crowd in with thousands of other people to watch anything especially not fireworks. Don't get me wrong they are pretty but I don't fall over myself to see them. They are nice but crowding in with so many other people not my cup of tea. But I can say I went and the people watching was at an all time high for sure...especially when the woman next to me yelled at a six year old who stepped on her foot. She then turns to me and says sometimes you got to turn jersey (say that with the accent and then you should be able to picture the face i made! I think my mouth stayed closed though:)

Needless to say the fireworks while sitting on the beach on Sunday with a new friend from church were much more my style. I have had my firework fill until next year I guess:)

week one down...

2010-06-27T18:55:00.002-05:00

Well after week one i guess it is official I am a new jersey nanny. I have to say I could get used to this:) The days can be long, and it is almost too strange to only have 2 children to watch instead of 24! Things are quieter, calmer and slower. I actually find myself with some time on my hands. I am sure soon I will look back on this post as I try to remember what it was like to have down time...

Perks of the job...the commute is literally 30 seconds if I walk really slow..15 seconds if I am in a rush. I spend a majority of my day with no shoes on. While in the house with the kids I don't have to wear them. I hate them!! The pool is right outside my window. I mean just plain lovely! The beach club is nice...hopefully next week I can fit in some cabana time:) Apparently in new jersey you don't have to pump in gas. In fact you aren't allowed to pump your gas. How sad is it that is my probably my favorite thing so far!! I hate pumping gas:) The kids have been great. Of course next week that could change. Right now the fear factor is still there!

Cons of the job...living in someone's house is going to take some time to adapt. Man do they eat freakishly healthy:( I am sure that is suppose to be a perk but I am not in that place yet. Sweet tea is missing. These Yankees just don't know what they are missing! I was finally able to find it at Mcdo's today but those are few and far apart! The New Jersey lefts make me want to cuss!!! On most of the main roads here you can't turn left AT ALL. You have to turn right and then make a U-turn to find a red light to go straight through. Yeah it took me 10 minutes this morning to find a place to turn!! Anything that makes you think evil thoughts while trying to find a church can not be good:(

Overall the first week has been really good. I haven't gotten lost. People are really friendly. Unfortunately most of the Italians I have meet hate every jersey show out there. I am still waiting to hear someone with that typical jersey accent. I guess it is typical after all:)

what matters

2010-06-16T13:09:00.003-05:00

Growing older brings about a variety of changes...things that never hurt before hurt, energy doesn't last as long, little interest in staying up late or going to new different places, etc. Over the last few weeks I have realized that leaving gets harder when you're older. When I have moved away from home before, I was always bouncing with eagerness. Bring on the new state, new country and new everything was my motto. I rarely shed any tears or whined about being nervous. Excited energy has always been the norm. I firmly believe it is easier to leave than be the one left behind. But being older and wiser means I realize what I am leaving.

In a few days I will hopefully be fully packed and flying to a new home. I am going to live in the New Jersey land of big hair and overly Italian accents. I am excited and really looking for a totally new adventure as a nanny! It will be a completely different world with 2 children to care for instead of 24:) Close to the beach and NYC...pretty sure no other location could be better...BUT

I am going to miss some things from here. I love my job. It is stressful at times, and they drive me nuts. Some of the children have taken a little piece of my heart. I will miss the hundreds of hugs I get everyday from my 24 grubby monsters. The relationships I have built with the other teachers especially my assistant have sustained more than I ever thought possible.

Relationships matter to me. I know who I want to be friends with and the ones I want to last. Right now for the first time ever I want to keep all my friends and hold them close! Saturday shopping trips and mid week girls night out won't be as spontantous or often not an option...It makes me sad to not know when I will see someone again. I know that relationships change. Will we still want to be friends when we live several states apart...

Community is a blessing. To have fellow Christians to do life with isn't always an option for some people. I know what it is like to not have believers in my life, and it makes everything twice as difficult. I have been blessed for the last 2 almost 3 years to have a community of believers and that make going to church worth it. I have been able to teach bible study and watch them grow. They have challenged me to dig deeper and learn more. I won't find another group quite like meat-n-taters:)

Yes...I will miss more shallow things like Sonic on every corner and deep fried southern food, but the relationships are what matter and will be missed...

my mini-retreat

2010-05-30T21:00:00.002-05:00

I don't do quiet retreats. I have read about people who will take spiritual retreats...off by themselves, time with the Lord and delving in scriptures. Part of me admires people who can go off and be that focused. However for an extrovert like me little of that appeals to me. I have my own version of a spiritual retreat. It is only a four hour drive at the most...My friend Shannon lives in Tuscaloosa Alabama. For the last couple of years I have been able to make a bi-annual retreat to her house. Long weekends tend to be our normal meeting time. We never have an agenda. Our weekends consist of long conversations on life, scripture and the future. We usually have a little Beth Moore time and lots of coffee (decaf for her since she is so preggo:).

When I first arrive she always wants to know what I want to do. Yet every time all we want to do is spend time together. We laugh, we walk through bookstores, and we talk alot. It is my retreat. I cherish that time with her. I love that we relax and spend time together. Deep theological conversation intermingled with pop culture mocking is a combination that rejuvenates me in ways that I never realize I need. Intelligent conversation is good for the soul. She asks me the hard questions about what God is doing in my life that lead to more questions for me when I get home.

I don't know what I am going to do when I can't drive to see her every six months...

adult a.d.d. is real!

2010-04-05T19:53:00.003-05:00

I would like to think I have a list of excuses for my 3 month sabbatical from blogging but i don't! however something of a post is better than nothing...since i am beginning to have the attention span of a 4 year old (occupational hazard:) i will give you some random info updates

today it was almost 90 degrees outside. i think spring got lost this year!! however spending almost all day outside makes me rejoice.

this is my 101 post on this blog....kind of sad considering i have had this blog for almost four years!

kids will do anything and i love it. i had my kids listening to the radio with styrofoam cups over their ears. i have pictures to prove it. thank goodness ginger (teaching assistant) didn't take one of me doing the same thing! i promise it had educational value.

i turned 31 last week....enough said:(

i am beginning to think the Lord is going to keep me on the year to year plan for the rest of my life...Deep sigh:)

i have been having a few too many Freudian slips while teaching bible study lately much to the joy of my class:)

the overwhelming urge to start riding my bike again has been with me for the last two months...okay so overwhelming must be an exaggeration considering i haven't done it yet:) maybe if we actually get a spring.

i know i use the smiley/frowny symbol to much. it appears in my emails, texts and blog! i just can't seem to stop it!!!

for the last year all the bible studies i have taught have been in the new testament and we are finally in the old testament! i am enjoying getting to know daniel...i recommend everyone read it again...

i really want to learn how to ride a horse before i am forty...

okay i am done for now....to tired to be creative! i apologize for the lack of wit:) and the smiley/frowny faces!

blankets and coffee...

2010-01-08T12:58:00.003-06:00

Crisp air, heavy blankets, yummy coffee, and powdery snow always make me smile. I love winter...

Living in Tennessee usually means you are surrounded by people who almost always complain about the cold days of our extremely short winters. If the temperatures get in the 30s people start craving sunshine and ninety degree temps. Tennesseans are not built for the cold weather. However I love it! Walking in below freezing air always makes me smile. I look forward to those days that I can wrap up in a scarf and a heavy coat. When the cold wall hits me in the face it makes my eyes water and I start to look up for snow. It doesn't have to be a lot but I want to see it for just a little while. For some reason my senses seem to be a little more heightened. Everything looks clearer and blankets are a little slice of heaven. My coffee never tasted so good at 6am or noon! We have already had snow twice this winter hope it stays around:) If only i didn't have to get out of a warm bed in the mornings...

my slightly belated thanks

2009-11-29T21:52:00.000-06:00

I know you are suppose to wait until the new year to start reminiscing over the past year. But for some reason my family always does it on thanksgiving. We have always marched to the beat of our own drum. I usually struggle with finding the proverbial list of things I am thankful for… Normally my answers seem trite and unoriginal. However this year I find myself being a little more thankful. I don’t think I am any more blessed than I was last year or the year before that one. Unfortunately I often times seem to struggle with finding the right words of gratitude.

I have a job I love. I worked at a bank for almost 3 years. It had moments of enjoyment but more times than not I really didn’t like it. The last six months of bank work I was miserable. I dreaded getting up every morning. Sundays were awful because I knew I was going to have to go back to work. I know have a job I love. I like going to work. I enjoy almost everything about my job…I miss it when I don’t get to see my students. I don’t mind getting up to go to work. I am thankful for my job…

I haven’t hurt myself in over a year. I don’t think I am clumsy or naturally accident prone. I just seem to have the oddest things befall me. Normally it relates to my foot…I won’t say my foot hasn’t hurt this year, but it isn’t broken. I am thankful for my health…

My family is ALWAYS full of drama. We have the most bizarre things happen in my family. This year has had no less drama or stress. For example we rather irreverently sprinkled my dead grandfathers ashes on thanksgiving day…Maybe you had to be there but it seemed to define my bizarre family. I am thankful for my family…

When I was in elementary, middle and high school I always wanted a best friend. One person I could tell everything. I have something even better this year. I can think of at least fifteen people I could call at the drop of a hat. I recently decided to check my contact list on my phone and was reminded I didn’t have a lot of people I want to delete. I am thankful for my friends…

I don’t remember what my life was like before I became a Christian. My life has involved church and Christian fellowship since I was a child. Over the last several months I think my faith has grown by leaps and bounds. My relationship with Christ has always been important, but this year I have been reminded of the vital importance of that relationship. I don’t ever want to try to function without it. I am thankful for God’s overwhelming love and grace….

This year I have traveled less, cried more, made less, and learned more than I have in a long time. So far 2009 has been a growing year. It has hurt, but I am so thankful…

100% Washable

2009-10-31T20:28:00.002-05:00

"Come overwhelmed. Come with a wandering mind. Come messy." A Praying Life

I am not a fan of dirt. Cleanliness is next to godliness in my book! As a child I never cared for playing in the dirt. You weren't likely to catch me playing in the mud unless my sister had thrown me in it:) If or when I got dirty I wanted a bath ASAP. I am still not to big on being covered in dirt or mud. Of course I spend all day with 3 & 4 year olds. Holy cow do they get messy. I admit I like to help them sometimes. We are huge fans of fingerpaints and playing in our food. Ever so often one of them will stress out about mud or paint. I always remind them that everything is totally washable.

I don't do messy very well in other areas of my life. I have become a pro at hiding my emotions, thoughts, ideas, fears and imperfections. I don't like to show signs of weakness because it means I am not perfect. I don't like to cry, lose my temper or express strong emotions in front of others. It takes years of extreme hard core friendship before I open up. I don't like the messy. I fear that people won't like my dirt and will want to walk away. The sad part is that I even try to do the same thing with God...For some reason I have a hard time trusting Him with my messes. My head knows He is big enough to handle it but my heart often times doesn't seem to connect. I am 100% washable and loveable....I just have to trust God to do the washing for me. My method hasn't been working so far.

resting in this moment...

2009-09-27T22:03:00.001-05:00

(I actually wrote this blog after labor day weekend but have just now taken the time to post it! been sick and an over all slacker! will try to get better:)

How many times can you start over or begin again? A new season comes and an old one passes away…does it ever stop? Do I ever adjust to it? What happens when these new season doesn’t have a ending point that I can see?

I always make plans knowing when it will start and when it will end. My end usually consists of two or three options…what I will do if I have to start over is always in the back of my mind. I took a vacation this week where I just relaxed and caught up with some old friends. It was a true escape from reality…a break where I could sit back and just talk with some of my favorite people. It was a lovely combination of seriousness, laughter, and nostalgia.

On Sunday reality started to reassert its self. Two totally different people asked me what was next for me…How long would I teach pre-K? Do I want to stay in TN forever? Where to next? It hit me when the first person asked. I haven’t thought about it, honestly! For the first time in my life I find myself focusing on next week and next week only. I am not focusing on the future that extends beyond the next break from school. I haven’t planned any trips. I am not stressing about the who, what, when and where of my life. I am resting in this moment…it is a new sensation. I am sure it won’t last. However for now I am letting go, and I guess, letting God do the stressing for me… I like it. I guess my vacation will last a little longer.

my days...

2009-08-20T17:18:00.002-05:00

I laugh...
I sing...
I dance (the macarena never gets old apparently!)...
I watch...
I clean noses...
I tie shoes...
I read stories...
I hug...
I wipe tears...
I write notes...
I sweep floors...
and I am loving every minute of it...

This summer I prayed I could find a job teaching...who knew He meant for me to teach pre-k. My day is chaos wrapped in the arms of 20- 3,4, & 5 year old preschoolers who make it so easy for me to get out of bed in the morning. I love the Lord's priceless sense of humor!

singing for Jesus

2009-07-23T21:38:00.003-05:00

I don’t remember a single bible story or craft from any VBS or church class as a child. I remember some from middle school and high school. But the only thing I remember from my church childhood are the songs. It was my favorite part of VBS. By the age of nine I was singing my first solo with the choir. It was What a Friend We have in Jesus. I carried the second verse. My VBS memories consist of saying the pledges and singing the anthem songs. Today I hear those songs and I still smile.

I lead music at VBS last week for the first time in about 8 years. We sang and danced (moved-no dancing a Baptist church) until our voices were hoarse and our arms were dragging. Children between the ages of 2 to10 sang/shouted 'This little light of mine' with more gusto than I ever thought possible. They jumped up and down singing 'Get down and lifts me up' until those of us over 10 were ready to fall in the floor with exhaustion.

But for me the most precious moment was the day that I taught them the motions to the song Amazing love. I would say the words while doing the motion and they would repeat. Listening to a four year old say ‘I’m forgiven because you were forsaken’ was enough to bring tears to my cynical eyes. Most children would sing at the top of their voices. I don’t know if they understood the words or the meaning behind them but they were belting out the words with their hearts wide open. Hopefully 10 or 20 years from now they will hear those songs and smile a little and think that is were it started.

In the spirit of nostalgia I want to share with you on of my all time favorite childhood songs:

I am a promise. I am a possibility.
I am a promise with a capital P.
I am a great big bundle of potentiality
And I am learning to hear God’s voice
And I am trying to make the right choice.

I am a promise to be anything God wants me to be.

I still remember the tune and singing it as loud as possible. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt for us to sing like we were little children…at the top of our lungs with little concern for who is watching and what they are thinking.

Rose Colored Glasses

2009-07-09T13:10:00.003-05:00

A dream job for me would be taking pictures. I have had a long held secret desire to take a few photography classes and learn how to do different things. My skills are limited to attempting to be creative with angles and lighting. I have gone through phases where I love to take pictures that are framed by something. For a brief period of time I wanted to take pictures in a reflection, on water, in mirrors or on surfaces. I am not person who takes pictures of people though. My gifting in capturing the perfect people shot is non existent. However put me outside and I am a goner. I want to take pictures of buildings, trees, mountains, clouds and last week…rocks. In fact the number of digital pictures from our nine day jaunt across the southwest was about 800 give or take a few…rocks, boulders, river beds, and natural monuments were the mainstay. 200 at the grand canyon alone. I love to try different angles and view points and my one secret trick…

When walking through canyons you don’t have anything with you except water, a camera or two and what you are wearing. For me sunglasses were a necessity, and they became my filter. Please note I pick sunglasses based upon style and the color it makes the world turn too. I have always leaned in the direction of rose colored/tinted sunglasses mostly for occasions like this. My sunglasses change the color of everything outside. The sun is less glaring and rocks were more vibrant. So about 100 of my pictures that I took in New Mexico, Arizona, & Utah were through the lenses of my sunglasses.

Spider Rock, Canyon de Chelly, Arizona (normal)Spider Rock with sunglasses

Grand Canyon with glasses

Bryce Canyon, Utah (with sunglasses)Bryce Canyon (normal)

I walked around wearing my rose colored glasses and was grateful. In fact I preferred it. Maybe it isn’t a bad thing to keep those glasses on hypothetically. I would normally say I was an optimistic person and most of you would agree. However over the last year I have struggled to keep that positive/rose colored perspective and the last six to eight filled me with cynicism. I want to believe the best in all people and all situations. I want to re-find the good and stop focusing on the bad. I want to regain my confidence and most especially my believe in God’s promises. Lately the reality of life has been over whelming because I am not letting God do everything. I am more willing to let Him when I have on my rose colored glasses…

Maybe this is a terrible analogy... but doesn't faith and hope sometimes mean seeing reality yet knowing there is something more and something better then what we can see with the naked eye?

There is no place like home...I wanted my ruby slippers!

2009-07-07T23:01:00.004-05:00

8 different hotels in 5 states and some hard earned lessons! (in no particular order:)

1) Air Conditioning...I was shocked to discover that some hotels don't have it...at all. A big fan does not do the same task when it is 90 degrees outside. I don't care if we are in the mountains! In a cramped room with two queen beds...air is a must!
2) You should always get to pick your pillows. No two people have the same pillow needs...Give us an option when we check in. We sleep much better.
3) The quality of a hotel can actually be judged based upon the carpet. When I feel the need to wear my shoes to walk around the room you need to clean the room more often!
4)When you advertise free wi-fi could you please make sure it is your wi-fi and not a 'borrowed' one from the waffle house down the street?
5) If I am staying in a hotel, coffee is a must. When the coffee pot in your room doesn't work it is the equivalent of torture. To wake up and want coffee but be unable to make it makes a true coffee addict want to jump of the balcony, but first I have to put my shoes on to walk outside!
6) You should probably have more than one wall outlet per room. We live in a world of cell phones, computers and digital cameras. We would like to be able to have light and have somewhere to charge our phones! If you are suffocating me with no air I want to be able to call 911!
7) Free Breakfast really should be more than a pastry in a wrapper left in the room next to the broken coffee pot!
8) You really should sweep your parking lot ever so often to watch for drug deal action. Watching someone smoke crack in a parking lot of a hotel doesn't really make customers want to hang out. However it makes for a great story.
9) Broken toilets and broken beds really should require you to refund our night in your terrible hotel. At least the crappy desk service matched the crappy bed and toilets!
10) If you are going to cram 3 adults in a tiny room with no wall outlets or broken beds or no coffee pots or no air could you at least splurge on better toilet paper. You are charging a ridiculous amount of money for your hole in the wall hotels splurge on the two ply! We are on vacation not hanging out in prison!

road trip part 1

2009-06-30T20:45:00.004-05:00

Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, Utah...

I would like to say I am well traveled. I have covered most of western Europe in some way or another. I have beeen to or at least thru every southern state. I have touched on a few cities in the midwest and the north eastern corner of the US. My comfort level on the eastern side of the Mississippi River is high!! In the past I spent a little bit of time in Texas mostly Dallas and Austin. That being said, I have always thought the US was pretty. Seeing the trees and the green always makes me feel like I am at home.

However over the last five days I have seen a whole new part of America and AWE is the only word to describe what I have seen so far...I am sure more words will appear later:)

Zion National Park in Utah

Grand Canyon (in case you didn't know:)

Tents Monument in New Mexico - even in the rain still cool:) This was at the bottom of an easy mile hike in the rain!

Out of the Bed

2009-06-20T16:29:00.002-05:00

For the past week I have been privileged to be part of the M-Fuge staff in Charleston, S.C. I spent the week living in a college dorm room working as a camp counselor at a youth camp. Over the past week I traversed the pavement of CSU at least 100 times. I taught bible studies on the story of Moses' life for teenagers between the ages of 12-18 from all over the south. I took my campers a lower income housing complex to have a children's camp in the hot Carolina sun. My day started at about 6:45am and didn't stop until after 11pm (sometimes 1am).

This past week I wasn't in my bed. I am so tired that it actually hurts to think. My feet hurt so much that walking at night was and still is torture. I have sweat off at least 10 pounds (okay that is a slight exaggeration!). I have barely had time to sit down to eat, and the coffee here is undrinkable. I have only been averaging about 5 hours of sleep a night. My nose, arms, cheek, forehead and ears are a nice rosy color. My voice is gravely and slightly mannish:) I am probably a little dehydrated and worst of all my single bed is tiny and uncomfortable. The humidity is so high that my sheets always seem to be damp...AND I ONLY HAVE TWO PILLOWS.

But this week I saw God at work. I watched two middle schoolers lead a 7 year old in the sinner's prayer. I watched my campers and adults on my site love on children who rarely hear encouraging words. I saw teenagers become broken over the word of God. I saw them give their own money to send overseas. I watched 26 solid Christian staff members serve with a passion that humbled me. They were living out the call God has placed on their lives. They were broken over the lostness of their campers and their ministry sites. They were living out there faith.

I firmly believe God wants us to not spend all of our time just teaching and learning for our own personal gain. He knows how important my 'bed' time has been for me. He knows I needed His healing and His love over the past few months. However this week He reminded me that what I do out of my 'bed' time is just as important. The balance is important. I need both. I am called to have both...

On the Bed

2009-06-19T22:35:00.002-05:00

I love my bed...It is a queen sized mattress with a 1 1/4 inch memory foam mattress topper. My sheets are at least a 400 thread count sateen. A down comforter covered in a chocolate brown sateen duvet cover lays over the sheets. I never have less than four pillows on it. When I am away from home I miss it, and it is the one thing I enjoy the most when I return home. Not only do I sleep there but it is also my quiet time safe haven. Since losing my job in April it has become the only place I want to be in the morning.

My morning routine...awake when the mood strikes, go downstairs, fix a cup of coffee and sometimes breakfast, go back up stairs with my breakfast, select at least 3 different bible study/books I want to read for the morning, sit crossed legged on the bed with the tv playing music in the background. For the next hour or sometimes two I have my 'Jesus time'. My bed is my Christian bubble.

While on my bed I am 100% focused on God and my relationship with Him. His word is alive; I sin less; I learn; I don't worry as much. However I don't get to stay in that bed. It is amazing how within ten minutes of getting off the bed to start my day my normal self rears its not so attractive head. Selfishness, worry, doubt and lack of self confidence tend to overwhelm me. Excuses pop into my head as to why I can't do something. My plans not God's tend to formulate. My explanations always seem to make more since than His...

I wish I could stay on my bed...it is safe. It is amazing. I feel spiritual growth. I am at peace. but I don't think that is God's plan...(to be continued)

no directions and okay with it

2009-05-28T22:28:00.003-05:00

I would like to think that I am a low maintenance type of person. I want to believe I am laid back and will take whatever life throws at me...but let's be honest that just isn't me. I am a control freak who really likes to be in charge and plan all things out. I will act like I really don't care but a lack of plans stresses me out. I am much better than I used to be. I am okay with not always driving or not always having directions. Getting lost doesn't make me want to have a heart attack. I don't have to pick the restaurant or the movie. I have learned to take lives little curve balls...notice I said little. Now the big ones I don't handle very well. I tend to get angry, frustrated and stressed out when the BIG curve balls come my way. Tears are shed and unwise words are spoken.

Over the last couple of months those BIG issues have been a little overwhelming for me. I am amazed at how well I am handling the changes. I even had someone point out to me how well I am handling everything...especially the unknown/floaty aspect of my life. I have no idea what God is going to do in my life over the next few months. And for the first time in my life I am at peace with the not knowing. You guys know me well enough to know that I live for my five/ten/twenty year plans. Even if they never come true I still need to have the plans...Lately I am okay with not having a plan or a clear direction.

And yesterday I figured out for the last five weeks my life has been permeated with scripture. I have spent more time in the last five plus weeks studying scripture. Talking about what God is doing in my life has become a daily thing. Every morning I am spending at least an hour studying the bible, reading challenging/theological books, and talking to God. It has been over five years since I have been that focused on God. He is the only way I am making it through this season in my life. I am so glad that I am 100% covered in the comfort of His arms.....it is so much easier to let Him be in control when I am actually spending quality time with Him. Right now I would be a wreck without His love, grace, and peace...

thanksgiving in may

2009-05-11T21:50:00.000-05:00

Being grateful is often times a challenge for me. I don’t know if it is because I don’t like to get ooey-gooey or fear of expressing emotions or pure selfishness. Every year at Thanksgiving my mom makes us go around the table and say what we are grateful for over the last year. And every year I struggle with what to say. However over the last several days I have been aware of the blessings God has given me. I seem to be more aware of what God has done for me lately and am in awe of Him. Here are some of the ones that seem to be dominating my heart right now…

Relationships…I have some amazing friends. Friends who listen to me complain, encourage me when I need it, make me laugh out loud, share their lives with me and allow me to be part of their lives…regardless of the time or the place I have a list of people I can call and they know they can call me also.

Time with God…Those moments when I know that I am growing in my walk with God are what enable me to wade through those times where my walk with Him is stagnant. Right now I am so grateful that I am in a growing place. I find myself eager to delve into His word every day and am excited to see what He is going to show me or teach me. It is thrilling.

Being challenged…I miss being able to talk about what God is doing and what He is teaching me. I enjoy having a conversation about theology…mine and others. For the last year or two I have been in the teacher role. Don’t get me wrong I love it, but I miss being challenged. Lately most of my conversations about faith have consisted of me asking others hard questions in order to challenge them. I have been blessed over the past week alone to talk with some of my smarter than me Christian friends. They challenge me and make me think about things I have never thought about. I love it…I love that it motivates me to ask deeper questions and find the answers.

My parents…It takes a lot to be 30 and living at home. I don’t know where I would be right now without them. They are some of my best friends. My dad taught me how to be responsible, to be independent, and to debate. My mom taught me how to cook, how to laugh and how to be compassionate. Since it was mother’s day yesterday I was able to spend the day with my mom. We went to lunch, went shopping and had coffee. I am blessed to have my mom in my life. She makes me laugh more than anyone I have every known. She has overcome more than anything I could ever imagine and still manages to have a larger than life optimistic godly spirit. I hope one day I can be half as good a mom to my children as she is to me…

Relationship Freedom

2009-05-06T22:08:00.002-05:00

(Disclaimer: You all know that I want to be married one day when I find that guy who loves Jesus A LOT! Just using the illustration to make a point!)

I have this friend I used to work with who loved to ask me first thing Monday morning if I had a date at some point over the weekend…my response was usually ‘No…How many fights did you have with your wife this weekend?’ The reason he always asked this question is because he had been married for over a year and loves it! He wants me to have the same joy he has. I would then remind him of some of the privileges of being single…no spouse to anger or irritate me, no asking permission to do something or to go somewhere. Though I want to be married someday I am honest enough to recognize the benefits of not having that serious relationship to limit my freedoms!

Isn’t a relationship with Christ the same way? The most challenging relationship I will ever be part of is my one with God. Being a Christian is freaking hard work! You constantly have to work at it…the more involved I become in the relationship the more work it requires. I can chose to delve deeper in that relationship or I can avoid it for fear that it will limit my freedoms. But does it really? Does being a Christian limit my freedoms? According to scripture it does the opposite…grace and faith increase our freedoms. But it is a freedom fraught with responsibility…responsibility that is scary and so hard to understand.

Christianity requires you to get up close and personal with God. But can you ever get too personal with God? Too intimate? Too in your life? Have I ever used my fears of opening up as an excuse to not get close to God? As a Christian is easy to hide behind tasks and goals instead being part of a relationship. We like to be able to check Him off our list. But when we get in a serious relationship with God, He is all in. He wants to examine every aspect of our lives. When you are in a relationship with Him, it is personal and intimate….but that also means it will be challenging, exhausting, stressful, scary, and complicated. It can also be fulfilling, comforting, exciting and perfect. I am willing to get personal with God… it is worth the responsible freedom…

Evil...I mean eccentric:)

2009-04-30T22:43:00.003-05:00

My family is...ummm eccentric to say the least! I have often times found myself sitting amongst my family wondering how I am related to them...this afternoon my parents and I made an unexpected visit to my grandmother on my mom's side! I was once again reminded of how unique she is. First let me tell you that I love my grandmother...as different and challenging as she may be I wouldn't exchange her for anything in the world...

However today I realized that my grandmother is the old mean lady that neighborhood children fear and antagonize. I never knew anyone like that when I was growing up. Of course I have seen tons of movies that have that character in them...she always wore black, walked with a cane, screamed at children, had cats and silver gray hair. Well my grandmother doesn't wear black or walk with a cane but the other things are not so far from the truth.

About 2 years ago she moved out of the rambling old southern style house in the middle of nowhere she had lived in for 20 plus years and into a small middle income subdivision closer to town. Since then she has entered a war with the neighborhood children. And I do mean war...She has gone so far as to put up a huge fence around her yard and wrap barbed wire around it in order to prevent the kids next door from invading her space! Yes I said barbed wire fence! If you climb over you are in for some serious pain. The house next door seems to be the hang out spot for the 20-30 kids in the neighborhood. They seem to have an accessible basketball goal ( I personally think it is the daring of being close to the 'mean old lady' i only know as mema!) Her list of complaints in a mile long of the evil deeds they have all committed against her! Well my grandmother has drawn the line in the sand...all basketballs that fly over the fence become hers! She refuses to return them...EVER! Does that sound like a disney movie to anyone else but me!?

She cultivates the image by having 2 cats and 2 loud dogs:) of course the police department on speed dial is another tool she has....Yes this is the same grandmother who when I was nine decided she didn't want to celebrate Christmas anymore because she didn't like buying us presents:) seriously how am I normal?! Okay normal may be a stretch but I have never needed counseling! oh how I love my family...

Contentment...

2009-04-29T22:58:00.002-05:00

Contentment- to be happy or at peace with where one is….I don’t know if that is truly the definition of the word but right now it accurately describes my life. Two weeks ago I thought my world had fallen apart. I was terminated from my job(what a disgusting term!). Shock and awe don’t even begin to describe what I felt…add anger, fear, and embarrassment to that list and we get a little closer to where I was 2 weeks ago. Today it is a 180 degree turn on my emotions. I am at peace, joyful, non-stressed and excited. Granted there is a layer of fear but at the moment it is buried so deep it won’t rear its ugly head anytime soon... hopefully :)

If you had told me that I would be content with losing my job under such unpleasant circumstances I would have probably laughed in your face….however if you have talked to me in the last few months you knew of my misery. Work was leaving a bitter taste in my mouth that had leaked over into every part of my life. My time with the Lord was plagued by anger, frustration, and bitterness. Pride was making me swell up with righteous indignation. It was festering to a breaking point…one that exploded about 2 weeks before my termination. The Lord took that mini explosion a month ago to tap me upside the head and remind me that I was getting in the way. I was not letting God shine through me at all. He started forcing me to do things I didn’t want to do and pray for people I honestly didn’t want to pray for! Then wham…the termination! You know what is funny is that I am glad it happened. I have been removed from a situation that was in no shape form or fashion good for me or my walk with Christ…

Right now I am cradled in His arms eagerly waiting to see what He is going to do! Yep you heard me correctly I said eagerly…I am so excited I almost can’t stand it…He promises to give me what my heart desires. I am going to spend the next few months finding out what that is…I was not at ease with my life two weeks ago. In fact I was down right miserable, but today I am grateful and well….content...how bizarre!

rambling thoughts

2009-04-16T08:45:00.002-05:00

Lately I am finding myself with too many things running through my mind to stop and have any long consistent thoughts...you will just have read the rambles today....

How many of the struggles/hardships in my life are my fault? I love that God can and does use anything to teach me something or increase my faith....but most of the time I am the one who gets myself in trouble to begin with.

Lately watching the news makes me feel that I am in the middle of a made for TV movie! Seriously between all the depression talks and the pirate issues it is hard to believe this is reality!

I am on smart book overload! I have been reading too many classics and Pulitzers. I need to read stupid books to create a balance.

How sad is it that I have no idea what is playing at the movies and I am also pretty sure there isn't anything good out there anyway. Satellite TV has made me one of those people who never want to leave their house to pay for a movie...

I have been lazy lately in my own personal time with God again. I am preparing for my bible studies but not preparing myself for day to day getting to know Him more...How easily I lose focus.

I absolutely love storms....I know tornadoes are scary and I should always be cautious of them. But a small part of me is sad I didn't even get to see the tornado that caused so much damage in Murfreesboro! Apparently you could actually see it from our branch. They are the most amazing example of God's power to me!

I miss getting to be myself all day long. Who I am from 8 to 4 is not who I really am:(

I am so glad Ashley called and gave me some pretty awesome news last night! It made my day!!!

Memories

2009-04-08T08:51:00.002-05:00

It is funny what makes you think of something you may not have thought of in awhile...
I associate certain things with memories...I see or do or touch those things and am immediately transported back to a memory that always makes me smile with nostalgia. Here are some of my favorites...
1. snickerdoodles...an all american cookie that takes me back to paris usually chez campbell
2. white pants & black shirt...bought for a date last summer-I have worn it tons of times since then but reminds me of that date
3. comets...a boy i dated in high school and our first kiss
4. pyramids....a lesson i taught in mobile-i still remember some of my students' faces.
5. nerts...faith's apartment on like 25 or 26th floor in paris
6. skiing...christmas in the alps with 4 1/2 people i love dearly-claire hadn't been born yet.
7. american idol...watching star academie or the french version of idol
8. marble slab...ice cream with ruth, amber, & jennifer
9. Les Miserables...high school library or london with shannon
10. Chili's...college thursday night bible study or chips and drinks with Ash in short pump, va

I could truly go on forever...I love that I have those memories and will continue to enjoy them and make more:)

Birthday Weekend Part 2

2009-04-06T11:20:00.005-05:00

Okay I so meant to do this last week but time and drama made that impossible...

So where did I leave off? Oh yeah, Saturday...

It started out with some serious sleeping in and then off to shop. Amber took me to her favorite place to shop...I was on a mission for shoes and anything else that hit my fancy:) After some coffee we went to like 10 different stores. I left her in the afternoon and headed home. My mom told me we had to be in the boro by 6. This was the first I had heard that we had plans...

I get home, change and off we go...I should have known something was up. My mom drove to the boro which NEVER happens. I always drive. We left on time...which also almost never happens. My mom is likes to be behind and my dad likes to be overly early! Once we got off the interstate my parents whipped out a blindfold! yep..something was up! I truly don't understand why people enjoy blindfolding me! We spent the next 10-15 minutes driving around in circles or at least if felt like it to me:)

We arrived, sat in the car for a few minutes, and then we started walking. I would loved to have seen the looks on the faces of the people in the restaurant as I was forced to weave in between chairs and pray for safety! I was finally seated and the blindfolded removed...and was shocked to see about 15 of my friends seated at the table! People from college, old work folks, and church friends...My best friend Kelly had done it. A surprise party that was 100% a surprise! I really truly had no idea...and it was amazing! I was able to see some people that I hadn't seen in years! They had braved the pending bad weather to celebrate with me!

Once we got our meal the power went out...but the good thing was we all had our food:) We enjoyed the ambiance and questioned the reason for the lack of power. I mean it was raining but didn't seem that severe. About 5 minutes later the emergency vehicles began appearing and filling up the parking lot 2 doors down...We looked outside and saw the massive piece of metal wrapped around the power line...Well that explains the outage:) Kelly brought out the birthday cake and the candles lite up the table:) The waiters brought out little cups of butter with candles stuck in them to give us more light....My dad retrieved flashlights from the car so I could open presents...Good times all around...Laughter about old memories (chili's & the ice throwing being the fav) and new memories made....verbena not bare bottom. I felt 30 and fabulous...thanks Kelly....

old bsu friends...Kelly is in the black on the front row...she did good!

When we left, we learned the reason for no power was the tornado that had touched down two doors down from our restaurant....lots of broken windows and ripped off roofs...It was a party I will never forget! Sunday was finally family birthday time, dinner, cake and guitar hero .... day full of text messages and love...I always forget just how amazing my friends and family are. I needed to celebrate this birthday big time and we did:) I'll try to post more pictures too...or just look at facebook!

Birthday Weekend Part 1

2009-03-31T11:47:00.007-05:00

You guys all know that my birthday has been a day that I have been dreading...well for months now! 3-0...how did it get here so fast? I am still young. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up! I am living in a place I never I thought I would live long term AND I have been here for almost 3 years. My luggage is bitter that it is been in the closet for so long but I digress.

To me 30 has always seemed old and well adult-like. You can no long pretend to be a miss guided 20 year old not that I ever really was but I wanted it to be an option. At 30 though you can no long hide from the truth...I even got a new driver license picture. No more 21 year old Deanna. She and I have parted ways...okay I realize the melodrama in that statement. However I need you feel the pain I have been feeling of the last few months as my birthday approached.... My friends were handling me with kid gloves and pandering to me ego. Well those under 30 were anyway...'you don't look 30.' '30 isn't old!' 'you are still so young.' My over 30 friends just rolled their eyes and said 'suck it up. you will be fine' 'it is just another birthday.' 'now you know how i felt' (Kelly I apologized for my lack of sympathy!)

Well it finally arrived and it will be one I will be unable to forget as the short term memory starts to fade:) It started with a calm dinner on Thursday night with BFF Kelly. I had plans for the rest of the weekend...She took me to a grown up dinner. We sat and talked about everything some grown up and some not so grown issues...3 hours later I headed home thinking it was a great way to start my 4 day birthday celebration process! (does that make me sound like a diva...who celebrates their bday for 4 days:)

Friday morning, work folks sang the birthday song, gave me a Starbucks card and helped me eat cake...all day. (the boys seriously ate most of it!)

Friday night the partying began...I was meeting Ruth, Amber and Jennifer. Us bank gals were going to eat out and have a little fun...We all get in the car. I ask questions and get ignored. Amber hands me the scarf and reminds me that I know the drill. They always blind fold me when they are surprising me...We spend the next five minutes driving around in circles! Car sickness begins to set in...We park and they walk me across the parking lot...I would love the see the faces of people when they see me looking like this

After they take more embarrassing pictures that I am sure could rival the photo scavenger hunts of old! They then tell me that they chose this place because they know I love it. Even though they don't like this type of food they wanted to take me somewhere that I would like. They pulled off the blind fold and showed me (drum roll please!) the sketchy looking hole in the wall Chinese restaurant!! okay I love Chinese food and am not too scared of hole in the wall places...but seriously, this is my congrats you are 30 birthday dinner! I am feeling gypped...I try to convince them I would never ask them to eat a food they didn't like...after a few minutes of being shocked and trying to play it off, they confess they are just kidding! cruelty at its finest...

So on we continue...Get back in the car, drive towards downtown Nashville, blindfold me AGAIN (not as eager this time around!), park and walk and pull off the blindfold and see (key romantic music please) the Cheesecake Factory or more well known as a slice of heaven on earth...I had good food, AWESOME cheesecake, fabulous coffee, presents (pretty scarf, Starbucks card - do my friends now me or what- and gift cert for a massage) Friday night was pure decadence...and I am grateful.

Saturday will be the beginning for family celebration but all has been great so far...

which way do i sway?

2009-03-23T09:16:00.003-05:00

Am I a city-fied country girl or a country-fied city girl? This weekend that thought has been rambling through my head. Friday night while at dinner with some friends one of the guys pointed out that all the girls at the table were all country girls. I don't know if I have ever labeled myself as a country girl, but I think I may be!!!

The question-"where would you prefer to live-the city or the country?" gets asked in every single getting to know you list out there. My answer almost always changes based on my mood or the day of the week. When I lived in Paris, I loved every single minute of the being the city. I loved the massive amounts of people, the energy, the things to do, the public transportation, etc. I really could list tons of things about the city that I love and miss dearly. However when I lived in Paris, I would also have days where I craved the quiet of being in the country. I wanted to see miles and miles of green and hear wild animals. I missed seeing the stars. Even the moon and the sun looked better in the country.

Now that I live in the country again I often smile nostalgically at everything around me. It is spring and I can leave my window open at night. It doesn't bother me when the gaggle of turkeys wakes me up. I hear the cows, the coyotes and strange animals in the grass every night and morning. I love it! I like the smell of fresh cut grass. I love the distinct sound of the 100's of bugs that sing every night! However every few months, I need to go to a city. Preferably a big one with lots of traffic and people. I may not get to do anything but shop; however I need to be around all those people.

I have done the math...technically I have lived in the country and the city the same amount of time...15 years each way. Those years were split - 10 years in the city, 10 years in the country, 5 years in the city, 5 years in the country! I truly don't know which one I love the most or would miss the most if I never got to see again. I think I will just be both - city/country girl...

Possible or catch 22

2009-03-19T14:41:00.003-05:00

He never sinned and He never lied 1 Peter 2:22

Be holy because I am holy 1 Peter 1:16

Make every effort to be found spotless, blameless, and at peace with Him 2 Peter 3:14b

Therefore you are to be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Phil 1:6

Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Phil 3:12

For WHO HAS KNOWN THE MIND OF THE LORD, THAT HE WILL INSTRUCT HIM? But we have the mind of Christ. 1 Corinthians 2:16

Is this an impossible task? Would God give us an impossible task? perfect, holy, righteous or whatever you want to call it is a goal God desires us to attain...Does He expect us to fail? We expect us to fail...and that is our excuse for sometimes not even trying....

God uses the strangest things...

2009-03-18T09:45:00.002-05:00

Lately I feel that I have been digging deeper in God's word than I have in quite sometime. However most of my digging has been for the purpose of teaching. I am spending all my time in Nehemiah (Sunday school) and 1 Peter (weekly bible study). Teaching both of these classes are a blessing in my life, and I enjoy every minute even when Go is using it to stomp on my toes (which he really seems to thrive upon lately). However last night as I was working on my 1 Peter study and realized that I don't really remember the last time I just read God's word. I tend to let my time with God rotate around what I am gonna be teaching during the week. Which may not be the best method....

I have a few struggles that I deal with daily...as we all do. One in particular makes me just have long and annoying days. I have tried several things to make it all better- prayed about it, for that person, for God to point out my sin in the situation, asked for what He is teaching, etc. So last night I decided that maybe if I started my day just reading a few verses of scripture and praying before I start to get ready for work it may help.

First know that I hate getting up before I have to start getting ready! I have never enjoyed doing a quiet time in the morning. You people who get up at 5 are either amazing or just plain crazy! I want those extra 5 or 10 minutes everyday. I hit snooze at least 4 times in the morning...more if I decide to wear curly hair and glasses:) yes I really do have these conversations in my head at 6:30 in the morning! So last night I made a decision I would try to get up around 6 or 6:15 and just read some scripture and pray. Here is the kicker...I wasn't going to change my alarm. It doesn't go off until 6:30 the first time (remember the snooze button:). If God wants me to have those few extra minutes He will just have to wake me up! He is the Almighty God so I figure He can do that!

So this morning at about 5:15 I heard noises from downstairs (my mom getting ready). I looked at the clock and went awww heck no! Then at around 6ish my phone beeped telling me I had an email. Of course I ignored it. Then at about 6:10 I had to get up and go to the restroom (I hate that!!!! getting older is holding little promise!) I look at the clock and go O Lord not today maybe tomorrow morning...I have been sick I need the extra sleep time! A few minutes later I hear the dreaded drip...our house is old and sometimes the toilet will run. After about 2 minutes of praying that God would make it stop...I finally said "Lord you are so mean!" got up, turned on the light, fixed the toilet, got back under the covers and opened my bible! I kind of went 'okay I am up You pick'.... and He did!

I am not saying it was the most amazing quiet time ever or that it has revolutionized my day yet. But those 20-25 minutes this morning reading the word, praying and listening to the outside noise gave me a lovely start to my day. I love that God can use a dripping toilet to remind me to get up and talk to him BEFORE I start my day. We will see if I am that stubborn tomorrow morning:)

oh oh oh oh:)

2009-03-13T09:26:00.003-05:00

I love those things that make me feel like a kid again...I have another birthday and this one I am not so excited about but alas I can't do anything about that. But this morning on my way to work something happened...I felt like I was about 10 again. There are certain things that when I close my eyes I am right back to being young and carefree.

This morning it was a song on the radio...I am sure most of you know that New Kids on the Block is back on tour (hear the sarcasm). Women around my age are all desperately seeking ways to get tickets. We have turned back into those wild and crazy pre-teens who are crazy in love with the pop stars of our time. I find myself secretly wishing I could get tickets to go to a concert. I never got to go when I was a kid. My best friend during that time in my life went to like 3 or 4 concerts. I was always jealous of her! This morning "right stuff" started to play on a popular pop station here. I found myself singing at the top of my lungs and shaking my shoulders to the beat of the music (my feet were kind of occupied:) I haven't listened to their music since they crashed and burned right of the music charts in the early nineties. But this morning I was jamming. I enjoyed that flashback from the past...I didn't feel so old anymore!

makes me want to go the playground too....swinging always makes me feel like a kid too

Motivation Because or Period

2009-03-03T14:59:00.004-06:00

If you have spoken to me at any point over the last several months or maybe even in the last year, you have unfortunately had to listen to me complain about being in limbo land (sorry if I have been whining too much!). I will spend a half the time talking about how great it has been to continue to get to know God as a single adult who has plenty of time to enjoy God. Then I question why He isn't doing anything to make my life more like I want it to be.

Over the last week or so I have been dealing with the issue of what is my motivation for spending time with God? Beloved friend pointed it out to me...seen the concept in personal scripture reading...even the tv preacher I watched sunday morning asked me the same question (snow day...skipped church:) Why do I desire to know Him more? Do I want to know Him so he will give me the perfect job or money to pay off my bills or a permanent plane ticket to France or a spouse to grow old with or...well you get the picture. Or do I just want to KNOW HIM period? with no 'so' or 'because' or 'I want' list following that statement.

When overseas a group of unnamed friends and I would mock just a little (okay a lot) the prayer of jabez...We as a Christian group latched on to that formula prayer with our whole hearts and book buying wallets. But didn't we try that method because we read that if we prayed that way our lives would overflow with blessings? I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying the blessing God gives you. I am grateful for them but is that why i want to be a Christian? doesn't that sound a little childish? I claim to want a 'meat and taters' relationship with God but secretly I want to behave so I get what I put on my 'Santa Jesus' wish list.

For the last few months I have struggled with being single. I am tired of being single. I want to meet someone, get married and start having those 2 or 3 or maybe just 1 kids. Don't get me wrong I am grateful that I have been able to enjoy God as a single person, but I think I have learned enough and am ready to get to know God with my husband! How arrogant is that statement? Was that the reason I tried to know God was because I thought that would speed up my time table of things to do before I die?

I think I should want to Know God because I want to Know God. In fact I want to Crave to Know God. dang it I guess I guess I haven't learned everything...

B.C.

2009-02-24T10:26:00.002-06:00

I have just started to lead a new bible study with my Sunday school class. We are slowing working our way through 1 & 2 Peter with the help of a study guide with plenty of room to answer the questions. I try to start the lesson on Thursday night to give myself plenty of time to delve into the scripture and learn as much as possible in a week. However this week, I got stumped within the first paragraph of the study. "Identify some of the issues that drove you to consider Jesus seriously."

Yikes...I stopped. I underlined. I thought. Then I promptly closed the book, turned off the lights and pulled the covers over my head! It is Tuesday, and I still don't have the answer to that question. So I skipped it and continued on with the bible study while at work today. (it is the biggest perk of my job...can study and read whatever I want and get paid for it:) God proceeded to stomp all over my toes and by stomp I mean STOMP!! Issues such as how do i live a pure and holy life? how do i love my brothers and sisters in Christ? why is my salvation important? do i ever take it for granted? how has my salvation changed my life? What motivates me to live a righteous life? Compare life now to life before Christ...

I am not going to share the answers to most of those questions. Honestly I hated most of those questions especially right now! However the biggest challenge is trying to decide how my life is different because of my salvation? I can honestly say I don't remember much of anything B.C. in my life. We started church going when I was 6. We were there every time the doors were open or we just thought they might be open! I remember riding my bike around the church when I was kid. We would ride over there to make sure the church was still standing:) I had my first almost salvation experience at nine and the real one at 11...two baptisms and lots of Sunday school lessons...Started teaching classes at the age of 17 and haven't looked back...

Birth to six...the standard I am sure...temper tantrums, lying, deserved paddlings and maybe groundings
Six to 11...the standard I guess...temper tantrums, lying, disobedience, stole a piece of candy from the store (mom made me take it back), smoked a cigarette, well deserved paddlings and definite groundings
11 to almost 30...the list is endless....lying, temper tantrums, disobedience, smoking(only for 3 months), gluttony, gossip, spite, pride, anger. lust, etc, etc, etc. we don't have time for true honesty with this list!

I don't remember much of life before I became a child of God and life afterwards hasn't been pretty. I don't know what drove me to chose Jesus, but I am so glad He welcomed me with open arms. I am also grateful that He continues to welcome me when I do the opposite of what He tells me to do. The scary part right now is that we are only in chapter 1 of 1 Peter!

nothing thought provoking...just random:)

2009-02-20T14:48:00.003-06:00

at what age should you stop making every one's name cute? you know what i mean adding and "e" or a "y" to the end of some one's name and turning into a nauseating childish pet name.

why are boys so stupid? anyone have any answers for this...

why does food almost always taste better at a restaurant? especially mexican food and steaks...i am sorry they are always better when i am paying twice as much and don't have to clean up the mess

how and why do people go to wal-mart and never buy anything? i only go to wal-mart when i need something...but there are people who just go to walk around. it is not a mall or a park! get what you need and get out! and if you have more than 20 items don't use the express lane!

is it true that I am really the only capable driver on the road? do those stupid drivers around realize how awful they are at driving? can they not see me yelling at the them? guess not since they never use their mirrors or pay attention to anything not in their car:)

is it possible to go a whole month or just a week or even a day and not talk about weather? we have all been outside ergo we all know what it feels like

what is the true definition or description of a nerd? is a geek or a dork different?

at what age should you stop playing with toys? by toys i mean stuffed animals and toy guns (video games are excluded only because of my recent wii addiction:)

is it possible to go a whole day without getting annoyed with someone else? if you get out of your house than NO because no one else knows how to drive:)

questions

2009-02-06T16:35:00.004-06:00

What is the most recent time I have had to wait for something? Right now...I am in limbo land. I feel that I have been stuck in this in between place for a few years now with little hope of exiting anytime soon.

What am I waiting for? Honestly, I have no idea. I know what I want but I don't know if that is what God is gonna do. I see the plan but I don't know if it God's.

How am I waiting? with irritation, annoyance and a little bit of dread...I don't know what is gonna happen, when it is gonna happen or if it is gonna happen!! read the irritation:)

How SHOULD I be waiting? with eagerness

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Shouldn't that promise alone make me eager to see what God is gonna do instead of dread what He may or may not dodo?

Look, Delete, and Retake

2009-01-27T12:04:00.003-06:00

I don't really remember the first time I enjoyed taking pictures. I just know that over the years I have grown to love it! I love the way the world looks through a camera lens...it gives the world a whole new perspective. I don't care if it is trees, hills, people or buildings because I want a picture of it! I used to be that person who takes pictures of everything even when I know it will not turn out. My talent is tiny however ever once in a while I will get the perfect picture...it makes all the effort that goes into picture taking worth it.

I think I actually received my first camera in college...right before my first mission trip. I took about 10 rolls of film in about 6 weeks...first time to Europe, 14 rolls in 4 weeks....yes I said ROLLS OF FILM. I am aware that those are becoming obsolete along with mail and rabbit ears for your TV:) I took all those pictures and less half of them were worth showing around (not that it stopped me). While in France I finally bought a digital camera. When I developed my first roll of film and it cost almost $20, I knew I couldn't afford to take pictures with my 'real' camera...My love of digital photography began. I took even more pictures and more pictures and more pictures. I believed the number was around 3000 in 2 years. My problem is that I don't delete the bad ones. I know the perk of using a digital is because you get to look at it immediately and if you don't like it, delete it and retake the picture. In fact the minute you take a picture of someone their immediate response is "let me see it." "oh delete it I look fat, or my face looks weird, what is wrong with my hair, etc". "take it again!" Maybe that one will be perfect....

We are a little spoiled. Since our digital camera lets us delete and retake in about 2 seconds flat why can't we do that with our words. I cannot even begin to list the times I wish I could delete and redo something I said...I tend to let things slip, sometimes it is funny, other times embarrassing and other times painful or hateful. Unfortunately once they are out there I can't delete them...

Photography with an old fashioned camera takes time...you have to take a few minutes and look through the view finder to see if it looks like you want it too. You have to pause and wait for everyone to get in place and be ready. Because once you take it, you can't delete it and redo. Maybe I need to apply the same principal to what I say...think about it, then decide if I should say it...Retakes aren't an option.

Paradise City (not a spiritual post at all:)

2009-01-21T08:46:00.003-06:00

I remember most of my high school dances. What I wore, who i danced with, the fun and the exhaustion the next day all stick out in my mind... Saturday night I had a flashback to the very first dance I went to. I was in seventh grade and had finally reached the high school side of things. We moved to the high school end of my K-12 school in seventh grade. We got to hang with the big kids...it was the homecoming dance in the fall of 1991. The theme was Love of a Lifetime by Firehouse. That song still makes my smile. Hair bands were still popular. They hadn't fully been replaced by Nirvana or the Red Hot Chili Peppers or booty rap music. I loved to jam to Poison, Aerosmith and Guns N Roses. And by jam, I mean head bang. I am now ashamed to admit that I spent many hours head banging to that type of music. What I remember the most about that post football game dance was standing directly in front of the huge loud speakers slinging my long blonde hair in total abandon to some of the best songs of the late eighties and early nineties. In fact the whiplash I suffered that weekend as a result of that slinging also still sticks. For some reason I remember the song Paradise City by Guns N Roses...which is what caused my flasback.

Saturday while driving to pick up my niece I was listening to the Classic Rock station and that song came on. I turned it up as loud as my mother's minivan will allow. Then reality struck...I was driving to pick my niece up from her first high school dance (she is a freshman this year!). The reality of my adulthood hits me at the oddest times...Saturday I couldn't help but laugh at the change in where I am. 15 years ago I was the one being picked up early and no I was the driver. But I was able to take comfort in the fact that I can still appreciate my music loud even if some of it now plays on the classic rock station:)

my daily self

2009-01-16T10:39:00.003-06:00

Gracious

Slow to Anger

Holy

Loving

Pure

Comforting

Dependable

Joyful

Patient

Righteous

Wise

Truthful

Faithful

Merciful

Just

Fair

Honest

Intentional

A small list of the Characteristics of God....How often do I truly attempt to live those characteristics...everyday, all day??

Check the Sarcasm

2009-01-13T09:02:00.002-06:00

I grew up in a traditional Southern Baptist church and by traditional I mean die hard... 3 hymns (vs. 1,2, & 4- Never the 3rd!), offering, special music, 20 minute sermons and out by 12. It was predictable and so comforting. I was in college before I ever heard a praise and worship song. I almost passed out when I learned that some churches didn't even use the hymnal. Growing up we used the baptist hymnal more than we used the bible.
When I moved overseas I jumped the traditional ship and became a liberal Southern Baptist. Well as liberal as you can be and still be extremely conservative:) Praise music galore padded by serious theological discussion. Who needs those sunday school stories AGAIN. We agree to disagree and try to live life in this world instead of in a church building.
Returning to the states pushed me back into that traditional world. I rebelled for a few years thinking that typical churches couldn't satisfy me. I went out of guilt and only attended at a bare minimum with a constant stream of sarcastic dialogue running through my head. 4 years later and I am actively involved in that "typical Southern Baptist Church". We are still not singing the 3rd verse.
But maybe I need to stop and check the sarcasm at the door for a little while...I grew up in "that" church and I loved "those"hymns. I find myself occasionally sitting back and enjoying the comfort it offers. I am glad churches can be rearranged to bring comfort and nostalgic smiles to its members.
I like small groups and getting out of the building. Passion conferences changed worship music for a whole generation. However Just as I am and Victory in Jesus did the same for other generations. So ever so often I am gonna check the sarcasm and enjoy...as long as they don't sing Count your Many Blessings (chuck ruined that song for me!)

The FEAR

2009-01-07T10:16:00.002-06:00

I am a coward of the worst kind sometimes. I have probably spent half of my life absorbed in books. I don't remember a time I didn't enjoy reading. I don't know when I learned to read; however since then I have had a major love affair. I am truly not picky about the genre. I tend to lean in the direction of romantic or historical fiction. Action, comedy, non-fiction, memoir, romance, mystery (sorry i can't really do science fiction) and fantasy (well okay harry potter:) are just a few of the types of books I love. I become completely absorbed in them. I want to be the characters and live their lives. I picture the details in my mind, feel there joy and pain. A good book can make me cry just as easily as a heart warming hallmark commercial:)

However my secret passion is writing. I have dreamed of writing the next great novel since I wrote my first story in Ms. Ayers 5th grade english class. (yes it was a romance! I was 10...give me a break.) I can not even begin to tell you about the hundreds of stories I have started and never finished, fiction, non-ficition and memoirs...the list is truly endless. Unfortunately I have never had the courage to finish one or get past the second chapter for that matter. I have to admit it is because I don't want someone to read it and not love it. I would hope I would get the pity nod but I would want it to be good, really good. I don't let anyone read what I write. I even struggle with what I blog and criticize it to death sometimes. There is always someone more talented than me. I always let the stop me.

So this year I really want to write that book. I have the idea and have started the research. I have written several pages and now the fear has struck. I am hoping that admitting my goal will force me to complete it. I have told a few friends mostly because they are part of the research:) I am hoping I will have the courage to finish. If I get absorbed in it than maybe someone else will...

Blessings

2008-12-31T08:40:00.002-06:00

Sometimes I forget how lucky I am. Over the last few days God has been gently and not so gently reminding me of how blessed I am. I decided I would end the year on another top ten list. However this one is in no particular order...

1. I am walking without a boot or crutches. Granted the foot still not quite right, however I can walk. How blessed are my feet...
2. I haven't been sick hardly at all this year. Excluding broken foot I think I had one cold. How blessed is my health
3. I got to fly this year. Every year since I was in college I have gotten to fly at least once. I love it! This year my trip to Chicago was a highlight. How blessed am I to get out of town and discover a new place.
4. I like my parents. Most people are amazed that I actually get along really well with my folks and can live with them as an adult. I love them. I enjoy getting to chill with my parents and I tell them everything. How blessed I am to be able to honor my mother and father.
5. I have such a non-stressful job. Granted there are a few people I work with that I truly need to deal with in small doses but my job is so easy. No weekends, off at four and plenty of time to read and enjoy the quiet. How blessed am I financially with a stable and easy job.
6. I have been able to develop and deepen some relationships this year. My sunday school class has been an amazing outlet and ministry opportunity. I have been able to teach them and they have done the same for me. How blessed am I with a church family...
7. I am so glad that I am a girl. This year I have had so many opportunites for God to remind me that we gals are a special breed of people. I have never wanted to be a boy, but this year I am especially glad I get to be a girl. How blessed am I with laughter, conversations and fun...
8. I am not usually a stuff person, but with the economy the way it is I am grateful for the stuff I have. I have a car, a house, nice clothes and the new wii:) How blessed am I have stuff but not too much:)
9. I am so blessed to be a child of God. I am glad that I enjoy hanging out with Jesus and I hope He likes hanging out with me. Hopefully he doesn't get too annoyed with my whining:) How blessed am I to be saved by grace...
10. Sorry I have to say it. I know I am no longer in high school. I will not sing Friends are Friends forever...but I am so blessed to have true friends. I am blessed that I have people in different states and countries that love me and care for me and are always there when I need them. I am excited that I get to be part of their lives and them part of mine. How blessed are my relationships.

Happy New Year!

Starving for What?

2008-12-30T08:49:00.003-06:00

Warning...I am aware that I will be using some of the verses in today's post out of context. I know that I am doing; however I am taking a slight creative license because it's my blog and I can:)

Food is so good. I love eating. I don't remember a time that I haven't enjoyed a good meal especially when with wonderful friends. I eat way too much food hence the reason I will never be a size 2! Some of my favorites are pizza, chocolate, ice cream, chicken tenders, salads, chicken and dumplings (my mom's are the best:), soup, hamburgers, laffy taffy, fries, etc. Don't worry I feel the same about drinking stuff: coffee, tea, water, coffee, tea, water:) But food is the topic of the day... Maybe because New Year's is so close and EVERYONE begins talking about how they they are going to have to go on a diet, start cutting back, and etc, etc, etc.

We live in a food obessed society. It amazes me how often we tend to talk about food. When I lived in France it always amazed me it only took us expats about an hour together to start talking about food especially american food we missed. My nieces often times ask what is for lunch about 10 minutes after we eat breakfast. Saturday after lunch I asked my mom what she wanted for Lunch on Sunday. 24 hours early and I was already thinking about lunch. We always act like we are starving if we skip a meal or have to eat to late. You get used to eating lunch at 12 and by 2 you are ready to eat your arm off. Starving for food and sometimes drink....

1 Corinthians 8:8 But Food will not commend us to God; we are neither the worse if we do not eat it, nor the better if we do eat.(NASB)

Romans 14:17 For the kingdom of God is not eating or drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (NASB)

I spend quite a bit of my day thinking about food. How often do i think of righteousness and peace and joy and for the matter the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit? How often am I starving to hang out with Jesus? When I am hungry all I think about is food and when I will get some. When I am struggling do I think about Jesus? Do I hungry for his prescence? Do I ache to be filled up by his love and companion? I get lonely, sad, empty, and tired. How to I cure those pains?

This week I challenged my class to try and spend an hour in the quiet with God...No noise and no distraction. I need to do the same thing. I can't hunger from something I don't really spend any energy thinking about. I crave food because it is always right in my face. I need to figure out how to put Christ right in my face so that I crave him also. I want to be starving to spend more time in His presence.

Gotta love being a girl

2008-12-15T13:50:00.004-06:00

There is something so unique and wonderful about girl time. This weekend was the weekend of long dinner, coffee, dessert and loads of laughter...Christmas time is always the lets get together time. Some how my girls night out parties were back to back. I had the girls I used to work with party and then the high school/college friends party. Both were amazing...it was great to sit and talk and laugh and exchange presents...I throughly enjoyed the long dinner and the conversation. Friday former co-workers and I ate until we could move and talked about work, family and how things have changed; then we exchanged presents...yeah for all my stuff that I love:)

Saturday night after dinner the girls and I (high school/college reunion) went to starbucks. Where after scaring off the poor guy in the corner, we sat in the comfy chairs and dominated the corner for about 3 hours. I am sure the people there wonder what on earth we could have talked about for that long and laughed that hard about...Kelly had brought a game of table topics. We spent over 2 hours asking and answering random questions, some thought provoking, some nostalgic, some sketchy and some beyond sketchy....we covered bad hairstyles, adventures we hope to take, favorite foods, what we wish our parents had taught us, the importance of God and even childbirth...us two single gals are now more educated and maybe a little more scared:) It was so fun to just laugh and literlly talk about every topic. It reminded me so much of how blessed I am to have friends that years later I still enjoy talking too...

It also reminded me of a slumber party I had in France in '03 where we stayed up all night long answering random questions we had created ourselves...too bad I can't have Christmas with those ladies also. (random- first kiss was a question both times and I didn't bring it up either time:)

So for the ladies who made my weekend blessed thank you. Amber, Ruth, Jennifer, Michelle, Kelly, Rebecca, Mandy and Leigh thank you for always making me laugh... to the ladies I won't get to see this Christmas-Mentanna, Tiffany, Laura, and Shannon- I really wish you had been with me at starbucks...

Ode to Christmas

2008-12-10T10:41:00.002-06:00

I enjoy the holiday season; however I am not a dedicated fan. I hope I am by no means a Scrooge, but I just don't often take the time to just enjoy the season. I love seeing my friends and hanging out with the different groups. Why we always feel the need to get together one last time before Christmas I will never understand... but I love the fellowship. It makes me want to catch up with all the people that I love dearly. However I usually forget to enjoy the Christmas decoration part of things. I tend to focus on my to do list and how behind I am on everything.

My mom and I put the Christmas tree up on Saturday, and I'll be honest I complained for at least half the time...my mom uses what I think to be way too many lights. I have a 5 year old's attention span. After about 20 minutes of hanging decorations I want to move on or my feet hurt so can I sit down (that never ending foot problem has its perks:) This is actually the 2nd tree I helped decorate this year. My sunday school class got roped into to decorating the tree for our church this year. I'll be honest I hardly ever pay attention to what the tree looks like at my church and was a little surprised by the over use of naked baby jesus angelly ornaments (we never could decided what they were suppose to be:) However this year I am trying to pay more attention. The one in the church looks great especially nice after the music director fixed up it for us and the poinsettas were put in place. My mom and I did a pretty good job with ours also.

Last night for the first time in a long time I sat in a darkened room with only the Christmas tree on and just looked at it for at least 30 minutes. The only sounds was the soft snoring of the two little girls crashed out on the couch waiting for parents...I had babysitting duty last night. It was just well...lovely (sorry I know that sounds exceptional British but nothing else fits). It was nice to just sit, enjoy, and think about Christmas. I was too tired to focus on my to do list. I just marveled at how pretty it was and how blessed I am. Of course it probably helped that it was a tree I didn't have to decorate:) So thanks amber for letting me enjoy your tree...

always make me smile

2008-12-05T09:54:00.002-06:00

I love those things that always seem to put me in a good mood. I am an easily amused person, but lately I have found myself lacking in good humor. Over the last few days iI have seen a return of my typically bubbly personality and have felt the need to take delight in the things I just plain enjoy. I thought I would share some of my joys with you. There is no order to my random fun...

a truly funny joke or story...watching a comedian who cracks themselves up is always my favorite. when i can make someone laugh it always puts me in a good mood!

a phone call from someone i never get to talk to...i have received a couple in the last week or so that have just put me on cloud nine and make me appreciate that i have fabulous friends all over the world.

walking in the rain...i hate umbrellas and have long since given up on them. i don't own one and only use one or buy one when extremely necessary (like walking in the pouring rain in chicago...thanks kellys:) i like to have the rain hit me in the face. Even cold rain is good for my mood. I rarely run in the rain. I won't melt and my hair is already curly so why rush!

snowflakes...we have had several unexpected snow showers lately. no accumalation but the way it looks when it falls is just beautiful.

wii family fun...my family bought a wii last weekend for christmas for the family. we have had more fun playing together as a family. maybe it will help us hang our more and not drive each other crazy!

a really good book...i love those books that i can't seem to put down. i am currently reading a new jane austen spin off series and am reading the last of the trilogy that i started on tuesday:) makes me want to stay up late at night to finish the story.

pictures...i love to take pictures and look at pictures. i like to see what other people see and how amazing things are. thanks to my many friends who put pictures on their blogs and facebook. i have had time to actually look at them.

friends who listen...i have been a whiny baby the last few okay several weeks now. I am so glad that none of my wonderful friends have hung up on me or told me to stop whining. I love all you ladies and know i will be there to return the favor anytime you need me:)

the bigger problem

2008-12-01T09:42:00.003-06:00

I am not a patient person by nature. One of the hardest things for me to do is wait on anyone or anything...I am always early for a multitude of reasons, but the main one is so things will hurry up and start. I don't know why I think that will make it go faster. Christmas Eve I want to go to bed early so that Christmas gets here faster. When I buy a new CD, I unwrap it before I pull out of the parking lot. When I get a new book I can be caught trying to read it while sitting at a red light. I struggle to wait until I get home much to the dismay of the other drivers I am sure. I am impatient in the car, at the store, and with slow people of any kind. I always want a rapid fix. My foot issues are so frustrating because it seems to be a never ending problem (6 months feels like forever:)

One of the hardest things for me to wait on is Christ. In my mind He seems to take forever to do anything. I know He will do what is best for me, but why does it take so long? Sunday I ran across 5 or 6 scripture about waiting on the Lord. Waiting on Him will bring me rest, strength, and blessing. In my head I know this but why can't I live that way. And I think it is because I often feel ashamed to tell others about my life. I know that sounds awful, but it is true. People expect me to be married with kids and working at a job I love. I hate that dreaded "so what are you doing now?" question. I have none of those things and I hate explaining that to other people. Maybe I should wait on God....pride seems to be a bigger problem than my impatience. "O my God in You I trust. Don't let me be ashamed..." Ps. 25:2

Focused on What?

2008-11-26T09:41:00.002-06:00

Focused on Christ...Christ Alone...Christ Centered...Desires of my heart to be God desires...Does that describe my life? Do I truly live a life that is focused on getting to know God and trying to live everyday according to what He desires for my life? Honestly, i don't think so....

I love being a believer in Christ. I can't even begin to imagine what my life would look like without God in it. People who don't know who God is baffle me. It is not all roses and chocolate, but I wouldn't chose a different life. But what does my relationship with Christ really look like? I talk to God all the time. I am not a structured prayer person. My day consist of talking to God all day like He is sitting beside me listening. But what do I talk to him about?

Do I spend time talking about his love, his blessing, asking for his guidance, asking him to show me what to do every second of every day? Or is it more of a list of my complaints in the form of a prayer? Or telling Him my desires and then giving Him an idea of how to make those things happen? If I am being honest it is the later...

"Lord I firmly believe that you want me to be overseas again. So if You could hurry up and make that happen than I could be living a Christ-Centered life..."

"Lord I am tired of being single. So if You could hurry up and make the man of my dreams sweep me off my feet..."

"Lord I really want to be a teacher. Since You aren't letting me go overseas now why can't I at least teach? You have sent me on plenty of interviews...."

"Lord I am almost 30 and living at home WITH MY PARENTS. Seriously what are you doing to me...."

All of these are legitimate thoughts I have had. I am not asking for awful things at least i don't think they are:) Yet how often do I sit down with God just to spend time with him? How often do I just ask Him to show me more of Himself? I don't want all my conversations with God to be a list of complaints. I don't want to only tell people what God is doing in my life when I am frustrated and confused or when it works the way I wanted it to.

Romans 15:17 'Therefore in Christ-Jesus I have found reason for boasting in things pertaining to God.' How can I live that verse in my life... I want all things to pertain to God and not just my own selfish needs...

"Lord I want to love where I am. Show me how to live my ministry right here and right now without waiting on what I think is the perfect situation."

"Lord I am so glad that I have gotten to spend time growing with you and not someone else. I don't want anything to interrupt our relationship."

"Lord thank you for introducing me to a different professional world. Show me how to find joy in my job so people recognize You in what I am doing."

"Lord Thank you for letting me love my parents and getting to know them as an adult."

Maybe if I make sure that I place God in the middle of all my situations, instead of hovering over them with a magic wand, I will be Christ focused daily not just when the mood hits...

Characteristics VS Personality Part Three

2008-11-21T16:20:00.002-06:00

We almost always have to be taught to play well with others. As toddlers, preschoolers, or for us slow learning children elementary school we are taught to share our things and not argue! If you had siblings the lessons were often times hard. You may have to not only share an occasional toy, but you also have to share rooms, attention, and parents. I firmly believe we are all born with a load of selfishness, and we have to learn to to deal with it. However I also think there is a time in our lives where we should get to take a break from all that learning. We should be able to play well with others by the time we are adults. I am going to place an adult between the ages of 26-65. (On applications 26 puts you in a new age bracket. After 65, you should be able to retire and do what ever you want!)

Now comes the connection. Our characteristics shape our personalities, and our personalities shape our likableness. What happens when those things don't mesh well with others? What if it makes it difficult for us to play well with others? My new job has lead to a new group of issues. Unfortunately many of them seem immature and drama filled in nature. After a few weeks of me personally walking around taking every comment, action or move, over analyzing and deciding that I am hated, I have taken few steps back and tried to figure out what is meant as a personal insult and what is just a difference of personality. I have discovered it is a mixture of both. Now comes the hard questions...Should we attempt to mold characteristics of our personality in order to get along better with others? Mom tells us to play nice then how far should we go? Should I have to change my personality so that others will like me better? Should we dislike people because they have a characteristic that gets on our nerves?

I know you can pick your friends. However you can't always pick who you have as an acquaintance? There are people at church, work or friends of friends that we just have to learn to deal with. Maybe if I learn to have a little grace with their personalities then they will learn to return the favor.

Characteristics VS Personality Part Two

2008-11-21T08:44:00.003-06:00

Babies are interesting beings. When they are first born that are sleeping, eating, crying and pooping blobs. Don't get me wrong I love to cuddle with them at any age. However a few months down the road when they are start developing their own personalities that is when things get more interesting! You see them laugh at certain things. You find what they don't like and what they do! Their personalities develop as they grow older. Then they become their own individual person.

Personality is the visible aspect of one's character as it impresses others; collection of qualities; personal identity; sum total of the physical, mental, emotional, and social characteristics of an individual. Synonyms are likableness, temperament, charisma and disposition. Antonyms...well there aren't any:) Well according to dictionary.com...

Everything about us defines our personality. It oozes out of everything we say and do. Our fashion taste is even a reflection of our disposition. For me- Conservative in thought and fashion (no animal prints for me though I do have an animal print purse), Optimistic (bubbly, bubbly, its the blonde hair:), Honest (but not usually brutal), Funny (or at least people laugh at my jokes or at me:), Reliable (I really will drop it all if someone needs me), Extroverted (like you didn't already know that), On Time/Dependable (just ask the campbells never could be late on Monday nights:), Organized (you should have seen my locker or backpack in high school), etc. Well you get it. Those are the elements of my personality that I can nail down or others have told me.

Of course we have all taken 1 or 10 of the 50 million personality tests out there, from the serious Myers-Briggs and DISC, to the animal or color test...(ESFJ, D/C, Lion and i don't remember my color:) Personality is harder to nail down, and I think that is why it takes us so long to develop it. It is constantly changing based on age, place, job, and just life circumstances in the general. But why does it matter if we do or don't know our personality type? Does it make a difference in our day to day life? Does our charisma really matter in the whole scheme of things?

Characteristics VS Personality Part one

2008-11-20T09:32:00.003-06:00

Every single person in the world is completely different. We have different hair, skin, eyes, laughs, walks, etc. No two people are exactly alike. We all think different, care about different things, or get annoyed at different things. Our personalities and characteristics define who we are. However what are those two things, and how do they affect us on a daily basis. Can we change our personalities or characteristics? Are we truly just born that way? What if I don't like what I have been dealt? How do I fix it?

According to dictionary.com a characteristic is a feature that helps distinguish a person or thing; distinctive; a feature that helps to identify, tell apart or describe;recognizable or distinguishing mark or trait. Synonyms for characteristic - emblematic, peculiar, individualistic, typical, distinguishing. Antonyms- abnormal, uncharacteristic...

For some reason I always think of a characteristic as a physical description of someone. For me, blonde hair (all my natural color), blue/green eyes (they really do change based on what color I am wearing), 5'7" (haven't started to shrink yet), hour-glass figure (am I being honest:)...I'll stop there. You get the picture. However it seems characteristics are more than physical elements. They are things that set me apart or make me peculiar...

I have a hard time putting together a list of non-physical characteristics. Talker (yeah you should all know that already:), optimistic (is that code for annoyingly chipper:), listener (like hearing what is going on with people), teacher (i just plain love it!), singer (it may not always sound great but i am not the worst one out there), sarcastic (that is what makes me funny)...

That is the best I can do. Yet for some reason I don't know if those are emblematic of who I am. Are those the characteristics that set me apart and make me an individual? I can think of tons of people who have the same characteristics. Is that when personality comes into play?

Discipleship at Work

2008-11-18T09:13:00.003-06:00

I love ministry of almost any kind. I enjoy being able to spend my time building relationships with others in order to show them and tell them who Christ is. I firmly believe that is the only why you can make disciples like we are told to do. For the last few years I have struggled with the fact that my life is once again surrounded by Christians. Okay I know that sounds negative but that is not my intent. Before I moved overseas I can honestly say my contact with non-Christians was limited to people who I worked with that I never really talked to because they were non-Christians or when I worked summer camp and was forced to talk to non-Christians. I never realized that I had padded my life with people who knew and believed in God and Jesus. I didn't realize that is not how Jesus wanted me to live my life. Then I moved to France and had 5 or 6 Christians friends and several non-Christian friends. Non-Christians who for the most part didn't believe in Christ or God at all. When I moved back to the states I refused to jump back in that Christian only bubble again and fought hard to stay away from it for a long time.

However for the almost two years know I have done the same thing. Part of it was not by choice and some of it was. But ministry doesn't always have to be with non-Christians and lately God has been reminding me of that. For about a year and a half I have been teaching sunday school at my ultra-traditional southern baptist church. I became an unwilling participant in the class around february of 07. I had avoided it like the plague because I always felt it was not beneficial to my spiritual walk at all (in fact I feel that way about church in general....humble of me I know:) Guilt had pushed me into the class and teaching the class became a task that was dropped in my lap. A year and a half ago, my class consisted of about 6 people , 4 of which were related. Now we have about 15 who come all the time and more who visit. I am not a numbers person and that is not the important part of the blog...My sunday school class has grown spiritual in the last year and a half.

Christ comanded us to go and make disciples. I struggle still with what that looks like. But I am kind of starting to see that in my class. When I first started teaching the class, they would never answer questions, and it was struggle to get them to just read the scripture. Anytime I wasn't there 1 of 2 people were forced to teach in my absence. Forced truly is the the word, neither one wanted to and they argued over who had to. Now they are teaching bible study themselves. We have started meeting once a month outside of church, and everyone is taking turns teaching the bible study. Our extra lessons last for over an hour most of the time. We struggle to dismiss class on Sunday in time to get back into big church. They are talking about their faith and discussing how they can live it in their day to day lives. They are asking questions about what things mean in scripture. They are learning things on their own. They are talking to each other during the week in order to hold each other accountable and to check on each other. They are all amazed by what as been happening...I keep telling that is fellowship and what Christ wanted the church to look like. It is discipleship at work.

I struggle with understanding why God has me here and why I am still at the church I am at. Then something like this happens and I am reminded that maybe it wasn't me that God was as worried about. He wanted the class to grow and change. And the good thing is that it is my current ministry and they make me grow and learn in the process...

New do

2008-11-14T14:33:00.006-06:00

Okay I feel the need to write a new post. The last one was overflowing with bitterness, and I feel the need to post something a little more chipper or at least most more intellectual. The last post sounds like the crazy rantings of a five year old...yes you can have issues when you are five!!! I had a rough couple of weeks and feel the need to blow off steam. The problem, however, is that I don't really know what to write about. I am not feeling exceptionally philosophical today:) I think it is because it has been just plain gloomy the last few days. I want to see the sun. It has been 3 days, and I have had enough of the dark lingering clouds I can handle...

I cut off my hair on tuesday. I feel like a new woman. I also think it makes me look older which just seems to remind me that i'll be 30 in five months. I am dreading this birthday with every fiber of my being but my hair looks really cute. I feel extra sassy with a shorter do:) Both of these picture were taken with my cell phone so that explains the not cute parts!

The sassy curly version

The super professional version.

Why is it that we can never make our hair look like the stylist does?

Things I hate..

2008-11-06T12:19:00.003-06:00

I have had some pent up bitterness lately and have decided to vent some frustrations. These are in no way connected or necessarily important:)

1. I hate decorative pillows. If you can't cuddle on it or lay on it then you don't need it...Why have 14 different shapes, colors and sizes of pillows if you are just going to put them on the floor? such a waste of money...
2. I hate gym machine dominators. Watching people at the gym is one of my favorite things to do. It is always interesting to watch those people who aren't really working. They pay to come and socialize. Of course those are also the same people who stand in front of a machine and don't use them. The gym should just have a room meant for pure hang out time so those of us who want to use the machines can (granted I am not usually the person who wants to use the machines but it is the point!)
3. I hate junior high drama. Girls are just plain good at this, but it drives me crazy. Over the last few weeks I have found myself wanting to scream ata few people, who will not be named, that maybe since they are over thirty they should just stop it....just stop it!
4. I hate the sound of people clipping their fingernails. If you spend much time with me you know this is the world's most annoying and disgusting sound. And why do people feel the need to ever do that in public? Go to the bathroom or do it at your house when no one else is around!!!
5. I hate those people with the martyr complex. You know who I mean...those people who volunteer to do something and then complain about how hard the task was or how much work went into something. They tend to sigh alot and talk about how big of a sacrifice they made. If Jesus can die on a cross and not complain then you have no right either!!!! So suck it up! If you don't want to do something then DON'T DO IT!!!
6. I hate noisy eaters. I know that everyone makes noises when they eat especially when it is a loud food like chips or cookies. But those people who feel the need to chew there food 80 times or slap their lips together or chomp their teeth could you please not sit within a 400 feet area of me. I will hear you and want to punch you in the face!
7. I hate movie repeaters. You know who I mean. They sit in the theater and feel the need to ask the person next to them if they saw what just happened or they repeat the line that was just said....FYI We are all watching the same thing you are and yes we heard it so please don't tell us about. We are in the same room with you, you dork!
8. I hate annoying drivers. I could spend all day on this subject. It would be safer if you would all stay out of my way because chances are you are driving too slow or taking too long or talking too much or not paying attention or not staying in the right spot or...well you get the point. I will yell at you and probably use words the Lord will not be okay with.
9. I hate brussel sprouts. They just look, smell and taste just plain gross. If you eat them you are wierd. Hello they are slimy!!
10. I HATE THE CAST BOOT. Yes I am wearing it again. I have some how managed to pull or pop a tendon in the arch/ankle of the foot that I broke in May. Ergo I am once again hobbling around in the boot...again. I think God is picking on me!!

Okay I am done with my rant...I'll try to be more positive next time!

international whiskey/BBQ relations

2008-10-30T09:29:00.004-05:00

It was always interesting to hear what French people would say when I told them I was from Tennessee. I expected the Elvis comparisons and even country music would not have surprised me. However the first thing they usually said was 'Jack Daniels Whiskey'... The first time I heard that I thought how strange. Then I heard it almost everytime. I just never knew how famous the whiskey was outside of America. However this weekend I understood it!

I grew up about 30 minutes from the Jack Daniels Distillery in Lynchburg, TN. It is located in a small county that we rivaled in football when I was in high school. My senior year our physics teacher actually took us on a field trip to the distillery. The lemonade samples were great. Lynchburg is in a dry county so they can't actually serve the whiskey in the county. What a strange little world.

On Saturday for the first time ever I attended the Jack Daniels World Championship Invitational Barbeque. I spent the day weaving my way through crowds full of leather wearing motorcycle riders, small town folks, big town folks, canadians, and europeans. No I am not kidding about any of those. I saw more things covered in leather than anyone should ever have to see!!! But I digress...It was the countries represented that amazed me. Canada, Germany, Great Britian, Ireland, Poland, and Estonia just to name a few. I couldn't believe that people had actually come from all over the world to proof their BBQ skills to everyone else. Now I understand why people know about Jack Daniels well that and the whiskey is suppose to be really good....Those people from Europe sure did have some great BBQ, but I never had any when I lived there. I guess the French haven't attempted to turn it in to haute cuisine yet:)

short and sweet due to ADD...

2008-10-21T12:28:00.003-05:00

eight milllion things running through my head and am unable to focus on anything...my lack of concentration is really starting to bug me. since i have changed job (read huge yay!!!) i have had way more free time of my hands. i don't have a desk or a computer right now so i spend all but 2 hours of my day reading in a chair in the corner looking over the head teller's shoulder. Yes i am serious....you would think this would allow me some serious thinking time which i never get. i am dwelling on things that i haven't thought about in months. i am considering things i have never considered. i am thinking about what ifs like you wouldn't believe. and you know what solutions i have come up with? NONE!!! i have just stressed myself out...

Redneck Cinderella

2008-10-16T11:29:00.002-05:00

I love that one is never too old to do something new and different. Over the last few weeks I have gotten to do two things I never thought I would do. One I never even thought about and the other I always wanted to try but never thought I would get to. I believe the two activities together are the perfect definition of where my life is right now...

A couple of weeks ago some girls from my Sunday school class were boyfriend/husband less for the night so we decided to have a girls night. We range from ages 20-29…yes I am the old one:) We got in the big red double cab pickup truck that all 6 of us could fit in. We drove to super fancy Franklin and had dinner at PF Changs. We ate more food than I ever really thought 6 girls could eat and watched the gaggle of junior high kids prance around in their formal dresses(it was homecoming for them and I sure never dressed that why when I was in 8th grade.) After dinner as we headed back to sticks we decided to drive to the railroad tracks in Chapel Hill and see if we could see the headless ghost that haunts the area. We stopped at few different spots and sat on the railroad tracks and waited. Unfortunately we never saw the lights. I can’t believe I actually sat in a big redneck truck and looked for ghosts. We screamed, acted scared and made some u-turns in very sketchy places. Apparently this was a common thing done by teenagers in my neck of the woods. However I waited until I was 29 to experience it. That was my first real ghost hunt http://www.johnnorrisbrown.com/paranormal-tn/chapelhill/index.htm (this site offers a little info about the famous headless ghost)

Last Saturday I drove to Franklin to stay with a friend. When I got there she decided that she wanted to take me to her ballroom dancing class. I was able to fulfill a childhood and an adulthood dream. I got to go to a group class and attend a party. I learned how to waltz, rumba, push/pull and remembered the swing from that one time in college experience. I don’t remember the last time I had that much fun. I was able to dance for about 2 hours and loved every minute. I was able to waltz and be spun just like Cinderella. It was amazing. I wish I could afford to indulge in that treat. I guess we will continue to fulfill my dancing desires in my zumba class. Not as elegant but still really fun:)

I figure as long I balance the redneck with the Cinderella I will continue to function in my small town…

cruddy decision maker...

2008-10-08T18:59:00.003-05:00

I usually come off as a decision maker. When among a group of people trying to decided what to do or where to eat, I am usually the one who helps narrow it down and often time makes the finally call. This happens alot because most of my friends are not decision makers. There answer to most things is that 'i don't care'. I can make decisions on the easy things but on the big things... yikes it is a little scary.

Not only do i think it over for days, weeks and some times months...even after making the final call i find myself thinking that maybe it was the wrong decision. I think about every possible problem or solution or what if...

I know that God has control of it, but I just want him to clue me in sometimes. Just an indication that it is a wise chose and the best way to do things. When do you get that peace that it is a good choice? I never seem to experience until after the decision is made and I can't go back!!! I don't like not knowing...read i don't like making a mistake:)

pics upon request...

2008-09-30T17:54:00.003-05:00

Here are some pictures from the Chicago. I took some and some are the Kellys'...
The Wrigley Field shot
Chicago from the boat tour. The infamous Sears Tower...

Cool reflection picture while on our boat tour..

One of the many pictures that Kelly 1 took with her arm out:) It is a Deanna sandwich.
Chicago lights...
How cute am I with the boot:)

my new love:)

2008-09-29T16:53:00.003-05:00

I meet someone new a few weeks ago and fell a little in love. It was big and shiny and just beautiful. A few sundays ago I was introduced to Chicago. I love the big city and have since I went to my first true city in 1999. I meet Detroit and have meet many others in the last 9 years. Chicago just entered my top 5 favorite cities:) things i loved....
10. Wrigley Field is a slice of American pie. I am not a lover of baseball and have no team commitments but seeing it reminded me of hot dogs, fans and american family fun.
9. Shopping... there is just something amazing about a city that has a Magnificent Mile of every kind of store you could every imagine. H&M brought back the best memories:)
8. Public transportation... any city with a great train and subway system will always make my list.
7. Hot dog while walking on Navy Pier...Chicago's version of Coney Island...smaller but much cleaner. nothing says all american like eating the best hot dog ever while walking next to the water on a sunny day.
6. Art institute of Chicago...not the best museum ever but i have really high standards. however i am glad i got to have my ferris buelluer moment just the same. and monet always makes me happy.
5. boat ride on the river....we splurged and took the architectural boat tour of downtown chicago. It was the perfect way to enjoy the history of Chicago. Architecture is always a fun subject for me, and i enjoyed being able to learn more about what i was looking at. the guide gave us plenty of info on where batman was filmed also. the captains were pretty cute too:)
4. true chicago pizza...thick, cheesy, tomato mess..it was truly worth the 45 minute wait and walking in the rain to get to perfect restaurant...
3. the last night there...it isn't often that i can say it was a perfect evening but it was pretty close...long and lovely italian dinner, flirty waiter (good thing i have cute friends:), great wine, time looking at the city skyline and drinks at the top of a yuppy club and then our chauffeur arrived to carry us back to the hotel...yeah i know!!
2. Zafar...our first night in the city we were sort of adopted by a lovely pakistan man named zafar. he was our cab driver who took us back to our fancy hotel in the suburbs. we spent the next 3 days traveling with zafar. he picked us and carted us where we needed to go and brought us back safely anytime we needed him. all it took was one phone call and a location and he was there. the car was nice but the conversations and getting know a little about him were priceless (sorry couldn't resist the cheesy line). he made our trip special. if you ever go to chicago i have the perfect taxi driver to carry you around.
1. Last but not least was being able to see chicago with the Kelly's...i am blessed to have two friends with the exact same name and the confusion is well worth it. I can only think of a few people i would enjoy such a trip with, and the kellys are on the short list. they were willing to put up with my planning and were even grateful for the cheesy touristy book that i bought. I love that i got to meet chicago with them. some friends are difficult to travel with but not the Kellys!

reevaluation

2008-09-08T09:13:00.001-05:00

I had an interesting day/moment on thursday. since moving back the states 4 years ago(holy cow it doesn't seem that long!) i have had a difficult time visiting the christian bookstores. in fact the first time i went to one after returning to america i remember commenting that i felt dirty after leaving. the commercial christian world was too much for me. the prayer of jabez (or i says...), testament mints and jesus bubble gum was too much for this new european adapted girl. i hadn't seen that much christian paraphernalia in a long time, well 2 years to be exact. i hated it all. where were the relationships? would jesus really spend all day hanging out here? how many people shop here but don't practice what they are reading about or singing about or researching? did these people even know that there was a lost world outside?

of course i am aware that i was being a tad judgemental (okay read a lot:) but i have always struggled with jumping back into the christian bubble i was so painfully yanked out of in the summer of 2002. i didn't want to get comfortable. the only time i would go to the christian bookstore was in order to find a new song to sing at church. the accompaniment track aisle is the only place i visit, and it is usually done unwillingly.

on thursday i was making my quarterly visit for a new song to sing. i actually found myself wanting to look around. i forgot how many books, cds, and bible studies were out there. it was peaceful place. it was nice and quiet and almost pleasurable. i actually shopped around and visited other parts of the store. i bought 2 other cds just because... maybe that is why people visit the christian bookstore... not to avoid the outside world but for a just a little while to escape it. to know i didn't have to be careful where i look or what i may hear was quite pleasant. at starbucks i never know what i'll hear or see. i will continue to visit my favorite coffee shop more but maybe from now on i won't avoid the christian bookstore like the plague.

Multi-Colored Confusion

2008-09-03T18:59:00.000-05:00

I am not a natural unrealistic colorer. Explanation...when I was a child I always colored a picture exactly like it was suppose to be. Trees were always green and Big Bird was always yellow. I stuck to the 8 basic colors and rarely branched out to different ones. A box of 24 to 64 crayons was too much pressure for me. However my mom always attempted to push me out of the box of 8. She always colored Big Bird purple and trees were whatever color she wanted.

I thrive with organization and plans. I like to know what is going to happen. However for the last 5 years my life has not been the color it was suppose to be. My life is full of confusion. I don't know what I am doing or what I am suppose to do. I have found myself second gussing every single decision I make. Take 8 of your favorite crayon colors and start scribbling all over a with piece of paper and that is how I feel. That is a perfect picture of my life. I am glad my mom taught me to use different color. Life never turns out the way it suppose to be and God is all about using every single color He created.

I am proud to say I never color Big Bird yellow anymore:) I like to change it up.

Compassion or Agenda

2008-08-14T18:52:00.001-05:00

i would not say i am the most compassionate person in the world. I love people especially those i have a relationship with. i love to hear their stories and reveal in their presence. i hurt when they hurt because i don't like to see those i love and care for in pain. i cry at sappy movies or dopey card commercials. hallmark gets me every time. i tear up when i see a newborn baby (but not a dog-sorry never gonna be an animal lover:) However that is the limit of things that make me get emotional. I don't have compassion for things i am not connected to or aren't a media example of a imperfect world.

When i hear a prayer request or see a sad heart wrenching moment on the news, i take a second and go how sad. Then i move on. i would like to say that i spend time feeling empathy or pain for those people or situations but i don't. i keep my distance. i never can relate it to my life.

one of the greatest characteristics of Jesus was his compassion for people. there are numerous times recorded in scripture where Christ's heart goes out to the people or the situation. but he doesn't pause and go aww too bad and move on. he goes up to that person and touches them. He gets closer to those people in pain. It wasn't part of his agenda it was just who he was.

what about me? am i compassionate about the people I want to serve? or do i just consider them part of my daily checklist? you guys all know that i desperately want to be able to go back overseas and serve. but do i have true compassion for the people in France or are they part of my agenda? are they a means to end for me? being a missionary means i go back to France. Is that my motivation or do i truly have compassion for the French people? i don't ever want my own personal agenda affect who i have compassion for. I want to emulate Christ's compassion for people in everything i do. I should start doing that at home. if i can have compassion for the people i see daily than it is sincere. maybe over time i will become an authentic compassionate person.

Top Ten

2008-08-06T16:43:00.001-05:00

Ten Things I can't wait to do after the cast comes off and crutches go away....
1. bend my ankle... i never knew how much i did that.
2. shave my leg...gross but so true.
3. paint my toenails...right now 9 are one color(purple) and 1 is a different color (pink) bc i can't get to that toe. opi charged up cherry and i have a date thursday night...i am gonna have super cute toes in about 24 hours.
4. carry a glass of water all by myself....carrying things on crutches not fun:) but i've learnned...
5. sleep in a comfortable position...self explanatory
6. take less than 10 minutes to walk up a flight of stairs...living upstairs in the house has not been fun.
7. go watch the new Batman movie....i have tended to avoid really crowded places while on crutches for two reasons...too many people and too many people wanting to know what i did:)
8. take a shower like a normal person and place both feet on the tub at the same time:)
9. go to the pool...before this started i was enjoying some amazing quality time laying out and working on a great tan. on saturday morning i plan to do just that:)
10. go to the library...i am quickly losing my nerd status. I haven't been able to check out a book in a month. It just hasn't been worth the effort:)

Less than 24 hours to go ladies and gents...

Crutch Time

2008-08-04T17:29:00.000-05:00

Crutches are an interesting thing. For some reason they make everyone want to stop you and talk to you about what happened AND tell you about the time they were on the crutches. I do mean everyone wants to stop you. I haven't been to a single store or restaurant or doctor's office where someone hasn't stopped to say "oh my gosh, you poor thing. What happened?"

Don't get me wrong sometimes the attention is nice. I haven't had to open a door in public in at least three weeks (except at the branch I work atJ). Everyone wants to help for the most part. But I hate telling the story. It is not a good story. I wasn't sky diving or hiking or saving a child or getting hit by a car (Ann Marie your story is way betterJ). I wasn't trying to check out a cute boy or being goofy. I was walking. I didn't twist my ankle or fall in a hole. I was not drunk or unstable. I was standing at the drive thru window. Then it split. My second toe right down the middle. Yes it happened back in May and yes I am still broken:)

Of course then they need to tell me what happened to them. These are my favorites. They are the condensed versions of their stories. People really do over share sometimes!

1. I went down a wet slide backwards and broke my leg in 3 places.
2. I was dancing and had a little too much to drink and broke my ankle.
3. I was wasted and fell down a hill and broke my foot. (is there a theme hereJ)
4. I was showing off in front of this really cute boy and feel into the pool and broke my foot in 3 places.
5. I broke my hip (20 year old girl-never got the story:)

It amazes me that everyone wants to know what happened. I can honestly say that I have never approached anyone and asked them how they go hurt. I guess crutches makes me more approachable. I need to develop a better story though. But those 2 1/2 or 3-inch high heels were really cute. Too bad I am going to have to burn them when this is over:)

Hindsight

2008-07-30T20:39:00.002-05:00

Everyone always says that hindsight is 20/20. What does that really mean? If I knew then what I know now would I still do those things? I have decided to do a little test. The last few days of stress induced thinking have led me take a little side trip down memory lane. "What if" is always a constant question for me, and lately it has become more prevalent. So I'm going to answer a few of those questions... We'll start slow and move our way up.

1. What if I had known boy from "giddy, excited, flustered" post was a jerk from the beginning would I have still gone out with him? Yes...the part leading to the date and dates were great fun. Catching up with my wonderful friends all over the US and France made it completely worth it. Being a girly girl for a little while and free dinner X2 was also a plus. However next time lets skip the jerk part:)

2. What if I had known the cute heels would break my toe and 3 months later I would be on crutches would I still wear them? Heck NO...no part of this has been fun. All I have learned is that I am painfully independent. Next time no shoe heel over 1 1/2 in:)

3. What if I had known that living in Richmond for a year after returning from France would just leave me deeper in debt would I have taken the job? Yes...Ashley wouldn't be one of my favorite people on the planet. I also needed a safe place to readjust to American life. Oh sweet life on the compound:)

4. What if I had known that the teaching job in Mobile would turn in the nightmare with HR that it did would I still have moved in less then 12 hours? Yes... I would never have meet Kelly #2 or got to live with Shannon again or fell a little bit in love with the area.

5. What if I had know that moving to France would make it almost impossible to find a job teaching when I returned would I have still gone? Heck yes... not only did I meet some of my favorite people in the world but I wouldn't give up living there for anything in the world:)

I guess in my case hindsight would not have made much of a difference. Four out or five times I wouldn't have changed a thing . I guess I need all those lessons that God is constantly throwing my way. However wouldn't it be nice to just have things go smoothly for just a little while! I need a break for now:)

Maybe He knows after all...

2008-07-26T18:58:00.002-05:00

You guys all know how I often times get a little frustrated at God's weird way of doing things. I look at where I am today and shake my head. How did I get here and why and how long will it last? My job still makes me wonder every day:) I am always confused as to why He doesn't just do things the easy way. I know what I want. I've been pretty clear in asking Him for what I want. However I don't always get it and that's fine. I am glad I didn't marry that boy I was in love with in 3rd grade or college. I am glad I didn't try to make singing a career. I am really glad He didn't send me to China to serve (Paris was more my style!). I can continue that list forever.

Of course the other lists of why nots is just a long. Why am I in TN? Why do I have this job? Why am I working and living in a scary small town America? I'll stop there:) I don't have the answers to those questions. I don't understand what I am suppose to learn. I don't understand why I can't seem to have what I really want. Other people get what they want. I've seen them be really in love with their job, home, and family. What am I missing?

This morning I had a what if moment.... what if I had got a teaching job when I moved back to America 4 years ago or if I was living in Europe again? Then it hit me...I can think of at least 7 people(I'm sure there are more!) I would have never met. 5 of whom are some of my favorite people. People I want to talk to or hear from as often as possible. Relationships that would sadden me if they didn't exist. They are people I feel blessed to call my friends. You know maybe God does know what He is doing after all:)

Drive thru teller woes

2008-07-16T20:26:00.003-05:00

For the last year and half I have been a bank teller and 90% of that time was spent in the drive thru. I have decided to let you guys know what I will not miss about being a drive thru teller just for kicks. This blog is in honor of my favorite tellers at my old branch.

1. BUTTON Pushers... Certain customers in the drive thru have the overwhelming need to push the call button at least 4 times while waiting. FYI that just makes us go slower and want to punch you in the face. So I will not miss you.
2. Not Readiers...(yeah not a word) it amazes me how many people come to the bank and have not idea what they are doing. They pull up and ask for a deposit slip AND a pen AND take 20 minutes to fill out the deposit slip incorrectly. If not ready GO AWAY!!! These people also tend to be button pushers!
3. Cell phone talkers...if who you are talking is more important than your money or you can't multi-task, you shouldn't try to talk on the phone and hang out in the drive thru. FYI you, I also want to punch a little bit. If you can talk on your phone and ignore me why can't I ignore you. Oh yeah b/c you pushed the button and now I hate you and your stupid phone!!
4. Non-Bathers... we as tellers can always tell when you haven't bathed and that you smoke. I can't even smell it through the bullet proof glass!!! You don't smell good, and your money really doesn't smell good. Of course I just give your stinky money to the button pushers and cell phone talkers. So at least I don't have to smell it for that long. Thanks for helping me get back at the other hated people on our list.
5. Bad drivers... Almost every place anymore has a drive thru option how is it that you can't seem to pull into the bank without hitting the curb or the side of the building. The lanes truly are big enough for you to fit in and not everyone hits the curb everytime like you do! If you have to stick your head out the window to judge your distant from the tube poll or you get so far away you have to get out of your car to reach the drawer you probably shouldn't be using the drive thru. Please for the safety of everyone in a five mile radius park your car far from everyone else and and walk to the bank.

Ones I left off but are equally as annoying are the wrong bank depositers (oops that was suppose to go across the street), closed lane violators(yes the sign really does say closed), the "let me give you the envelope back to save trees" visionary, and the "they always do it for me" know it alls. (thanks for the addition amber!!!)

These customers I will not miss. And yes all of these things really do happen every single day in the drive thru!!!

change...

2008-07-16T20:13:00.003-05:00

For a girl who doesn't really like change I sure do change things a lot. I move and shift and get bored and move and shift and change and move and change and...we'll you get it. When I was younger (read high school and even some of college) I would never have pegged me as the wanderer. I was always the stable person amongst all my friends. I was the one you went to for questions or gave responsible tasks to. However half way through college that changed. I became the girl that did too many things and never stayed still.
I have been back in TN for almost 2 years and am shocked that I have stayed still. It isn't from lack of trying, but God doesn't want me to go anywhere yet. If I make it to September I will have been in the same house and in the same job longer than I have since graduating from high school.
Things are still changing in my life and it makes me a little sad. Yesterday was my last day at my branch. I had been there for a year and a half. I love the people I worked with and miss them tons already. Going to a new branch today was a challenge, and I don't know how it will work out. I was kind of enjoying the stability of my life. I liked that my job was comfortable...but I hated that also. I am ready for the challenge and something new. I just wish that didn't mean you had to leave something behind that you really love. Growing up is really hard. Why don't people tell you that when you are younger? Of course I am sure they did and I didn't listen:)

Seriously

2008-07-13T20:09:00.002-05:00

I never do these but since Ann Marie tagged me I will...I only broke the rule when I had not choice!!!

Rules: You must answer the questions using only one word. Then tag four others.
1. Where is your cell phone? Living Room
2. Your significant other? Jesus
3. Your hair? Blonde
4. Your mother? Fun
5. Your father? Annoying
6. Your favorite thing? Friends
7. Your dream last night? Sweet
8. Your favorite drink? Coffee
9. Your dream/goal? Happiness
10. The room you’re in? Den
11. Your hobby? Writing
12. Your fear? Lonliness
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Somewhere
14. What you’re not? Comfortable
15. Muffins? Yep
16. One of your wish list items? Future
17. Where you grew up? Tennessee
18. The last thing you did? Read
19. What are you wearing? Clothes
20. Favorite gadget? Cell phone
21. Your pets? Annoying
22. Your computer? Alive
23. Your mood? Bored
24. Missing someone? Yes
25. Your car? Clean
26. Something you’re not wearing? Shoes
27. Favorite store? Barnes & Nobles
28. Like someone? Yes
29. Your favorite color? Blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Wednesday

four people... Ashley, Tiffany, Mentanna, Daniel (my favorite adopted "big brother"!!!)

The Flip side...

2008-07-12T21:30:00.002-05:00

10 things I don't like about being a girl (read 10 reason firsts)
1. clothes... It is amazing how we can spend all day trying on clothes and find NOTHING we like or anything that fits. We always have to find new things that fit the change in our bodies and in the styles.
2. Bad haircut... One bad haircut sticks with you for a while and scars us for life. I am still a little embarrassed by my childhood side ponytail (it was the 80's)!!
3. Talking... We can go over and over and over and over the same subject again and again. Jeez do we like to talk and analyze everything.
4. Girl Friends... Girls are full of drama. I am blessed and love all my friends. However I have seen those catty situations and they are not pretty.
5. Shoes... I have a broken foot all because I just had to wear the really cute 2 1/2 inch heels. Why can't they all be comfortable shoes?
6. Not Cute Days... It can't be explained but some days we just feel yucky...bad hair, bad clothes or an unexplained fat day.
7. Crying... I wish I could control where I cry, why I cry, and whom I cry in front of.
8. Grumpy days... We don't like it when we are crabby and sometimes we just can't help it.
9. Chocolate... This leads us to have a bigger behind, more fat feeling days and a never ending conversation about how we need to lose weight.
10. Boys... are confusing and drive us crazy. Whether we are dating them or are married to them they always stress us out:) ( or so my married friends say!!!)

10 REASONS

2008-07-11T23:06:00.002-05:00

10 reasons i love being a girl:(those are in no particular order)
1. clothes and clothes and more clothes...we can truly never have too many. if we don't like what we have we can go out and get a new outfit. the older i become the more i actually enjoy getting new outfits. we get to change styles with the seasons. boys styles rarely change..
2. one haircut makes you feel great... i just got my haircut and the next day i felt like a new woman. i added a little more bangs and made my layers more fun. i feel just plain cute.
3. talking...girls get to talk and talk alot. it is expected. we are suppose to sit around with our friends and co workers and talk until we are blue in the face. we have been know to talk ourselves hoarse (oh the sleepovers and late night talks)
4. girl friends.... i love that anytime i need to talk i have a list of friends i can call. we are always there for each other. i can call to vent, cry, explain or laugh. girls get each other and we like to share live with each other.
5. shoes... it is amazing how we buy one new pair of shoes and we can't wait to tell everyone. we can't wait to wear them and paint our toenails so our feet look their best. whether they are cute flip-flops that show off the toe ring or hooker boots that make us feel super sexy. all it takes its shoes.
6. cute days... i love those days were i feel cute. i have on the perfect outfit that makes me look great. my jewelry and hair are doing everything they are suppose to do. we walk taller and feel better.
7. crying...as girls we are allowed to cry. we are expected to get teary eyed over commercials and movies. it is okay if we cry. in fact if we don't cry people think we are wierd. when we are having a bad day we can cry if we want to!
8. grumpy rights... there are certain times of the month or just b/c we wanna that we can be grumpy. we have an excuse for being a bad mood. guys know that and leave us alone when we are. in fact we can fake a bad mood and they don't even know the difference.
9. chocolate fixes it all... we are having a long hard day and we can eat chocolate. i don't know what it is that makes us all feel better but it works like a charm. it is an almost instant fix at least for a little while.
10. boys...we just plain like them. they drive us crazy and they get on our nerves. but we all really want one to have and hold til death do us part. and then we get to mess with their heads. they don't understand us and we don't make it any easier for them!!!

fyi...God fixed the no sleeping problem. Doctor put me in a regular cast. Crutches make you really exhausted:0 A month should help me catch up on the sleep!!!!

stress does strange things...

2008-07-09T17:34:00.002-05:00

Stress is truly a wierd phenomenon. Last year about this time was when I truly began to recognize its ability to affect ones body. For me it was a never ending stomach ache. This year however it has affected me in an entirely different way. Eating and sleeping have officially become a thing of the past. I don't really remember the last time I ate a good meal that didn't make my stomach hurt or just really craving a food. Sleeping a whole night has happened I think once in the last month (last Wednesday to be exact...it was amazing!!!). Work, Family and personal drama has made it impossible to shut off my mind. However over the last 3 days I have begun to realize the affect it is having on me completely. In case you were curious...I am losing my mind.

I am a natural blonde and have been for my entire life. However I like to think that I am not a typical blonde. Yes I have my moments where I turn into the blonde that all the jokes were made about. However those occasions are rare. This week not so much true.

On Monday at my lunch time, I was desperately searching for my keys and was unable to find them. Everyone assumed I had left them in my car. But I can't lock them in my car. I have to have the key to lock the door. I remember locking the door. I however decided I would go out to the car and see if I dropped them on the ground or maybe I had left them in my car. I walked out the front door of the bank which sits facing the busiest road in the Boro and saw my keys...hanging on the outside of my door. I have been driving for almost 15 years and that is a first...

On Tuesday I was even more exhausted. I was unable to sleep the night before. After only about 3 hours of sleep I decided it was a curly hair and glasses day. I wanted those extra 15 minutes in my bed. I got up and got dressed and off to work I went. However my glasses bugged me all day. I put them on and couldn't seem to get them clean. They were really smudged. I cleaned them about 4 times. Then at about 10 I gave up and took them off. I have been extra computer training to get ready for my new job. I was amazed at how my eyes didn't bother me for the rest of the day. At about four my eyes started to burn and I put the dirty glasses back on. About 20 minutes later my eyes started to water and burn again. I immediately took them off and rubbed my eyes. Then it hit me... I think I am wearing my contacts. I actually had to take out a mirror and look to see if I was wearing my contacts. Just think it only took me 8 hours and 4 glass wipes to realize my error. The sad part is I can't remember putting my contacts in... at all.

I won't share my one for today b/c this is already too long. who knows what tomorrow holds?

Lord, I NEED SLEEP!!!! But the laughter was great fun.

gets me ever year...

2008-07-04T08:52:00.002-05:00

if you are lucky enough to talk to me or be around me during the month of June chances are you are going to hear me complain about the 4th of July musical my church does. I could give you my list of complaints but i won't. it would defeat the purpose of the blog...ask me though and i will tell you:)

this year was one of the better musical we have done. however the straw hats almost made me boycott completely. yes ladies and gents (i don't think i have guys who read this) i wore a straw hat and sang a song called pick a bale of cotton. but i digress...

every year we sing a salute to the patriots. we sing each song from each branch of the military. those who are currently serving or have served are asked to stand when we sing their song. it doesn't matter how many times we sing that song every year i tear up a little bit. my sarcasm is forgotten and i am proud to be american. (i hate that lee greenwood has forever ruined that phrase for me!!!)

this year i had seemed to escape the knot in my throat and then it happened. we started to sing the air force song...there was a couple the front row. the husband and wife were each in their own seperate wheel chairs. the minute the opening notes of the song began the man threw his arms up in the air and waved them like an eager 5 year old at a baseball game. his son came up behind him and helped him out of his chair. the old veteran stood proudier than any man i had ever seen. he could see the joy on his face that he was able to stand while his song played. he stood straight and tall with more proud then you could ever imagine. i had to stop singing...tears all but rolled down my face.

i am so grateful that i live in a country where those who served in the military are still proud to have served. without the hard work and dedication of those men and women who knows were we would be. i am grateful to live in America and have the freedoms i have. cheesey but true... just something to think about on the 4th of july.

giddy, nervous, and flustered part 2

2008-07-01T19:15:00.001-05:00

i forgot how terrible i am at dating. all my insecurities rear their ugly head. i evaluate every thing i say and every action i do. i spend too much time in front of the mirror finding my flaws and exaggerating them. i get nervous and yes i am pretty sure i giggle some. please don't let that destroy my image in your eyes!! i don't if i have scared him off yet:)

however that feeling of butterflies and raised heart rate is always a trill. i wanted to call all my friends and tell them everything about what was said and what i thought. what i liked about the boy and what maybe i didn't. every text from the boy lead to a serious debate with which ever girlfriend happened to be close by...this led me think about something.

when was the last time i got giddy about something God was doing in my life? when was the last time i got excited to go and sit in the presence of the Lord? when was the last time i wonder about what i said in the God's eyes? when was the last time i evaluated my actions in the eyes of the Lord? Do i ever get butterflies in my stomach when i get to talk to God? Do i eagerly call my friends and tell them what God said to me or what he is teaching me? Do i sit down and debate with myself and with my friends about what God is saying to me?

there are moments when that has happened in my life. i remember them vividly. but they don't happen that often anymore. as a single person i should find all my worth in God and my relationship with him. but do i work on that relationship? i miss the excitement i get from hanging out with God. however it's nones fault but my own. i always seem to find time to focus on something else, or i will spend just enough time to check Him off my list. He is my best friend (cheesy i know) but true. But i treat Him like a casual acquaintance that requires Sunday only time.

Jeremiah 29:11-13 has been going through my mind non-stop for the last 2 or 3 weeks. Things are changing for me again but not in a direction i thought they would go. on Saturday i spent some time in God's presence, and he reminded me again of the verses. He has a hope and future for me. it is good. however i have to seek him and call out his name. i think i may find some time soon to go on a long date with Christ. the best part is no nerves He already knows everything there is to know about me. and He loves me. Now that is a reason get giddy and excited all over again :)

giddy, excited, flustered...

2008-06-28T08:26:00.003-05:00

i know it has been forever. i am sure no one read this anymore. sorry dial up at home makes this killer.

i had forgotten what it was like to be a true girly girly. for the last week i have been texting/talking with a blind date set up. i have been giddy, nervous, excited and scared. All places i don't do well in. but there is just something fun and sweet about those emotions.

in high school and even college i was always in the friend zone...i was the person everyone asked about relationships. i only had a few minor relationships of my own. this was a self-appointed exile...i was always too mature and too good for those silly childish games. i had crushes and boyfriends but was never really ridiculous (except for G.P.- the love of my junior high life and still the most embarrassing moment of my life!!!). i don't know why i shied way. (probably that overwhelming fear of rejection thing.) i just never wanted to take the time to answer that question. this week has made me realize what i have been missing. i don't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing.

i was not in control and am still tottering on the edge of girl sanity. i have spent time talking to all my girlfriends (those i could anyway....) and analyzing the situation... reading into ever text message and ever conversation. my self confidence is gone. i have been unable to sleep because i can't stop thinking. it is frustrating and the total opposite of always in control deanna.

but it has been really fun... i love that all my friends wanted to know what i was wearing for the date and where we were going. they all sent messages thru out the date and called me afterwards or today to find out how it went. we have been analyzing everything.... this is what i missed out on. i know in the grand scheme of things it is all trivial but sometimes it is nice to not be so serious all the time...

we'll see how it goes. thank you to my girls for putting up with me... you guys have made it fun.

Confession is Good for the Soul

2008-03-27T17:54:00.000-05:00

I have an impending birthday that has made me be up front and honest with myself. I can no longer hide behind the number anymore. It has officially turned its back on me. I AM AN ADULT!! It is time I admitted it to myself and to the world (okay world is a little dramatic...I am admitting it to the few people who actually read this blog!) I am ready to tell you the truth. This is how I know I am an adult...

1. Health Benefits...During college and for a few years after college I had no health benefits. Medical, Dental, and Vision insurance were a thing of the past. But hey who needs them anyway. I was never sick. I lived in France for 2 years with benefits and never once touched them. Why pay the money for them if you don't need? however the last year the Lord has seen to it that I use all aspects of my insurance. I mean I pay for I may as well use it. I would fear for my live if I had not insurance now. Every sneeze I heard would push me over the line.

2. Job Security matters...I changed jobs alot while I was in college and after returning to the states. It was nothing to make a shift based on boredom or because I wanted to actually use my degree (crazy I know!). I jumped states. I quit 2 jobs to go work camp. I knew I could always find another job. I am smart and gifted (humble:0). Finding a new job would be a snap. However earlier this week our branch lost 2 employees to cut backs that are being made in the company. They were sent to a meeting and bam...unemployed. I am grateful to have a job and not to eager to leave it unless I have one in the bag. oh yeah and it has benefits.

3. Bedtime...I have to be in bed by 10 during the week or I never make.

4. All nighters...even on the weekends I still have to go to bed early. One night of staying up until 2 or 3 takes me weeks to recover from.

5. Young uns on TV....I am addicted to reality tv shows. I love the drama and the stories of the crazy people on them. However they are all really young. American idol last night was killer. They had to sing a song from the year they were born..."I was born in 1989, 1990, etc" Oh my gosh they are so young.

6. You start using phrases like.." you are so young. You are such a baby."

7. Music really can be too loud.

Okay I'll stop there. I could go on forever. Because adults have way more hot air!!!

The greatest story ever told...

2008-03-12T09:58:00.002-05:00

Anyone who as ever meet me knows that I am a nerd when it comes to reading. My mother was completely flabbergasted a few months ago when she realized how big of a dork I am. I am always reading at least one book or 2 or 3 at a time. I will read almost anything but sci-fi or horror. I like the classics, trashy popular books, pulitzer prize winners or anything with a pretty cover. I am always carrying a book with me everywhere I go. Right now I know have one in my car and one in my purse.

However my love of reading lately has not included the Bible. For the last few months I have struggled with finding it remotely interesting. I feel like I have read it all before. It is uninteresting and almost underrated. Can lightening strike me for just typing that? It isn't that I don't want to read the Bible. I miss the intimacy of reading God's word and feeling like He is speaking to me.

So Monday night I tried something new. I grabbed my Bible snuggled under the covers in my cold bedroom and started at the beginning. Reading the greatest story ever OUTLOUD... I think sometimes I get so caught up in what it all means that I forget it is still a story. I find I am enjoying reading it outloud. It almost makes it more real. I love reading outloud. I was always one of the first to volunteer in school and still am when the chance arises. I like being able to put emotion in the story. It helps me focus. I have found myself not skimming but really enjoying the Bible. Last night I finished Chapter 5....man some of those names are hard, but I am really enjoying my new book.

what i love about starbucks...

2008-03-06T10:40:00.002-06:00

Yesterday I got to leave work at 12. It was a great day. Granted I have to work on Saturday, but I believe it to be a fair trade. I changed into jeans and a t-shirt and headed to starbucks with my laptop and time to waste. I discovered a few things while sitting at my favorite starbucks for 2 hours....

1. Free internet...No starbucks doesn't have free wi-fi, but the place next door does. I was in updating and music downloading heaven.

2. Piped in music...I am addicted to folkie, indie style music. Starbucks plays the largest assortment. Most of the artists I have never heard of before. But I love the mellow sound and unique music. Occasionally I will hear an artist or song I know, but the unknown fascinates me.

3. I feel smarter... I am sure that is completely mental. However for some reason sitting at a table with my laptop makes me feel more intelligent. Yesterday the two loud people were studying chemistry. You can't get much smarter than that.

4. The conversations... I am a great eve's dropper. I listen to almost everything around me. I don't want to wear headphones or the music to be to loud. I want to hear what people talk about. They discuss politics, religion, and gossip all while enjoying a good cup of coffee.

5. The people you may meet...Yesterday I saw a friend I hadn't seen in 6 months. It is always fun to catch up. A few months ago I meet a guy at random. We talked religion. Now when we see each other we can say hi. People are always willing to talk to each other at starbucks especially if you are sitting in one of the 4 comfy chairs.

6. oh yeah...the coffee, the pastries and access to the new york times...once again just makes me feel good all over.

these are the days of my life...

2008-03-04T08:29:00.003-06:00

lately i have discovered that my life has settled into a routine. i talked with a friend last night and she asked what was new. my response nothing. i get up, i go to work, i go to the gym, i go home, watch tv and then go to bed. everyday same thing...the only variation is wednesday (choir practice), sunday (church), saturday (occasional shopping or hanging with friends). how did this happen? how did i get to the place where i don't make a difference? i, like most people, have a load of excuses. i don't have time, i am tired, i never get alone time, i don't know where to start, etc.

i miss ministry. i miss sitting down and talking to people about whatever. i regret that i didn't do it more on the field when i had the chance. of course that doesn't mean i can't do it now. my list of excuses just keeps growing.

my sunday school lessons over the last few weeks have been about how to share your relationship with Christ. we are called to be disciples, but i think i have forgotten how. i hate that. i miss the desire to share who God is and what He has done. i never thought i would settle back in to the routine of not going out and telling and sharing.

end of a good story

2008-02-04T10:18:00.001-06:00

I am always impatient to finish a good book. When I was younger I would often times stay up as late as possible to finish a book. I couldn't ever sleep unless the book was over, and I knew if they lived happily ever after. I still find myself tempted to do that even now. However lately I have been disappointed by the endings of many of the books I read. It is almost as if an author has a hard time tying up the lose ends. But when I come across a good book I can't stand not finishing it as fast as possible. That happened the other night. I just had to finish it before I could do anything else. It was good and what I wanted to happened. However I still experience a moment of regret. I wish I had read it slower and absorbed it more. I was sad the book was over. I wanted to read more about the characters and see what else they could get into.

wierd i know...but it was nice to find a book that had an actual ending versus stopping in the middle of a conversation.

heart's desire

2008-01-28T12:52:00.001-06:00

Is it possible that my greatest desires are also the biggest hindrances in my relationship with Jesus Christ? Do I hold on to them so tightly that I won't let God have His way with them? Have I made them stipulations in our relationship? Since He hasn't done anything about them does my time with Him suffer because I don't like His timetable or understand what He is telling me? These are just a few of the questions floating around in my head over the last week. I find that I am treading water in everything I do. My life seems to be caught in a circle of going to work, gym and then home. I may spend a few hours a week hanging out with friends but carrying on the same conversations. I want to get out of the circle, but everything I want to do seems impossible. I think I now what I want more than anything in the world, but am I holding on to it to tightly. How do I let it go to prove that I trust God? What do I focus on if I let it go? How do I stop feeling overwhelmed and discouraged?

I don't mean for this to sound sad...am just thinking outloud.

things you learn

2008-01-20T12:18:00.000-06:00

It is amazing how you can continue to learn things about yourself. I would like to pride myself on being a confident woman who knows herself and knows what she can do and not do. However last night i was proven wrong. For the first time in my 28 years, I was the DD for two of my dear friends. While proping up the wall a famous Nashville Honky Tonk and holding the coats (it was 14 degress last night) I watched 2 friends make complete drunken idoits of themselves. They danced and screamed and drank. I learned that it is not my idea of a good time and never will be. I just remember wondering if the men they were dancing with would have believed they were christians. I don't have patience with drunk people and I don't think getting drunk is ever okay.

These are things I am sure other people know, but I just truly realized them last night. However most importantly I wanted to embrace my conservative/boring desire to never be in that place. I don't want to throw up when I get home. I don't want to spend the entire next day having someone else tell me what I said and did. I don't want to spend the next day sick at my stomach and in the bed. Mostly I find myself grateful that God has protected me from a desire to ever want to be there. Don't worry I still love my friends, but next time they will just have to have more than enough money for a cab. I would rather go to a movie.

power of punctuation...

2007-12-07T18:08:00.000-06:00

i have always appreciated punctuation. since i was in high school and learned about my favorite form of punctuation...the ellipsis (...) It just means what ever you want it to. When i was senior in high school and editor of the yearbook i remember telling the book seller that the title of our yearbook was going to be "it's time..." i used the word ellipsis and he was impressed that i knew what it was. Since then it has become my favorite way to express my opinion in typing. It can be sarcastic, sad, happy or whatever i need it to be.

I didn't realize just how important punctuation was until i meet someone recently who doesn't know how to use it at all. periods were a struggle for this guy. i understand that emailing and text messaging are not required to follow proper grammatical guidelines. Few people even know what those guidelines are. however in first and second grade we were taught to always end a sentence with a form of punctuation because that explains what the writer is trying to say. we live in a time of electronic communication and our emotions can only be expressed by using those simple little marks. so my words of advice use punctuation unless you prefer to be misunderstood.

the voice of God

2007-10-26T07:17:00.000-05:00

My niece got caught taking something out of another's girl backpack at school. She was sent home and had to endure a spanking at school. I'll be honest we are disappointed to say the least. Andy has recently become a Christian. On Sunday my mom was talking with her about what happened. My mom was explaining that as a Christian we are suppose to listen to God's voice and He will tell her if it is right or wrong. Her 8 year old response was "but Nanny I didn't hear anything."

The issue is serious but the response is just funny but extremely honest. It would be great if we could actually hear the voice of God. i don't know a single believer who wouldn't like to have God talking in their head like a 24/7 surround sound. He would be there to tell us what to do and what not to do. It would make life a little easier. Of course he does that we just have to work a little harder to listen. The word of God is our link to getting that surround sound. However we don't really want to know what it says and how it will change our life.

I have been reading Dallas Willard's book The great ommission. We don't really want to get to know Jesus because that means we have to follow His will for our lives. We want just enough of Jesus to ensure our salvation. I hope I am not that kind of Christian. Hopefully we can teach Andy to learn how to listen for God's voice.

God's creation...

2007-10-04T16:51:00.000-05:00

Last weekend I watched a sunset. I don't mean I paused in my day and watched for a few minutes. I actually meet some friends at the top of Monteagle mountain (it is really a big hill but we call it a mountain.) We drove to the University of the South and went over the memorial cross. It is a huge cross that you can see for a few miles before you get to it. It is stationed at the top of an overlook. We got there early and for the next 45 minutes we sat and talked and watched the sun set.

How amazing is God's creation? I don't remember the last time I sat and just enjoyed how amazing He is and that He lets us enjoy His creation every single day. I have no idea how someone can see that everyday and not wonder if there is a God.

I often times fall into the same rut of not stopping and enjoying His constant gift to us. Everyday the sun rises and sets...Everyday He is there waiting to see if we are going to take the time to stop and enjoy His presence. He is always there waiting. If we don't come He will still come back the next day. I need to make more time to stop and just enjoy His presence. I recommend you try it too...find a pretty place with a great view. Get there early so you can enjoy the entire show and not just a momentary glance.